EppsNet Archive: Death

See You in Hell

18 Apr 2018 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

A woman was sucked out the window of a Southwest Airlines plane . . . not a black woman, fortunately, so Southwest won’t have to shut down for racial bias training.

In other news, David Hogg is telling his Twitter followers to boycott the BlackRock and Vanguard investment firms.

“David Hogg’s Twitter followers” . . . I’m rolling that phrase around on my tongue. “David Hogg’s Twitter followers.” Might be a good name for an improv group.

When I think of all the great men — Nietzsche, Van Gogh . . . you can think of your own favorite examples — who lived as anonymous failures and died as broken-down loonies, the thought of people actively tracking the musings of David Hogg amuses me greatly.

See you in Hell!


Passenger Sucked Out of Plane Window: Another Reason I Prefer to Just Stay Home

18 Apr 2018 /

Southwest passenger died after broken plane window nearly sucked her outCNN

You are now free to move about the country!

Thanks, but I’d prefer to move about the country from inside the plane . . .


You Will Know Whether it Has All Been True

16 Apr 2018 /

How does a life flash before one’s eyes
At the end? How is there time for so much time?
You pick up the book and hold it, knowing
Long since the failed romance, the strained
Marriage, the messenger, the mistake,
Knowing it all at once, as if looking through
A lighted dormer on the dark crest of a barn.
You know who is inside, and who has always been
At the other edge of the wood. She is waiting
For no one in particular. It could be you.
If you can discover which tree she has become,
You will know whether it has all been true.

— J.D. McClatchy, “Wolf’s Trees”

A Nest, a Haven and Calm Place

1 Apr 2018 /

The low trolley on its cushiony rubber tyres luxuriously bore the corpse away down the middle of the ward. There was speed and secretiveness and deftness in its movement. Over the dead man’s face was a blanket, so that age, torture, ugliness and fear, all were hidden.

Instead of looking on this covering, this careful manipulation as an hypocrisy and cheat, I saw it for what it really was, a desperate effort to make life bearable and sane.

I admired the doctors and the nurses. I admired every human being in the world who, on top of a million, million horrors, yet built a nest, a haven and calm place.

— Denton Welch, A Voice Through a Cloud

Was Nikolas Cruz Bullied?

1 Apr 2018 /

In 2018, being accused of bullying is not on a par with being accused of murder, but it’s close.

Emma Gonzalez, one of the Parkland shooting survivors, said this about Nikolas Cruz at the anti-gun march in Washington, D.C.:

Since he was in middle school, it was no surprise to anyone who knew him that he was the shooter. Those talking about how we should have not ostracized him? You don’t know this kid. OK? We did!

I can’t see anything unusual about that. The popular kids sneer at the geeks, the nerds and the weirdos. Because they deserve it. You don’t know this kid. We did.

But when the kid in this case goes off the rails, which “was no surprise to anyone who knew him,” some self-reflection seems to be in order before blaming the usual suspects.

I don’t understand the strategy of gun control proponents. Every tragedy is used to hammer and shame and silence those with different views. Every time I hear the Parkland kids, they’re abrasive and rude.

Is that helpful? It may be cathartic but I’m pretty sure it just hardens people on both sides in their pre-existing opinions.

Nicolas Cruz arrest


Terrifying Xanax Resurgence!

28 Mar 2018 /

You know what’s good when you’re terrified? Xanax!

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More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: High School Gun Experts

5 Mar 2018 /

I’m burned out on the high school gun “experts” for a couple of reasons:

  1. They’re rude.
  2. It’s too obvious that someone or a collection of someones is scripting their talking points.

I heard one of the kids raising an obscure point about record-keeping requirements at the ATF. Most gun control advocates are not even familiar with the basic mechanisms and terminology of guns, let alone with ATF policy minutiae. That’s something a gun control lobbyist would know about, but it’s not something a high school kid knows about, unless it’s scripted out for him.

I don’t object to the anti-gun message, although I disagree with most of it . . . I object to being treated like the kind of rube who can’t tell when a high school student is plagiarizing someone else’s ideas.

Also: these kids have a platform, not based on their own merits, but because 17 other people died and they didn’t. They’re not policy experts. Under the circumstances, maybe tone down the arrogance and be respectful.


See You in Hell: Rifles Have an Undeservedly Bad Reputation

28 Feb 2018 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Greetings from the Lake of Fire!

I was perusing the FBI data on murder weapons in the U.S. For 2016, what do you think was the most frequently employed murder weapon?

Survey SAYS — handguns! The weapon of choice in 7,105 murders. I blame the NRA!

Ha ha, just messing with you there. The NRA has nothing to do with the existence of evil in the world. That’s my department.

That handgun number is actually a little low, because the FBI also reports more than 3,000 gun murders where the type of firearm is not specified — and it’s almost always a handgun.

Running a distant second behind guns: knives, used to end the life of 1,604 Americans in 2016.

Now here’s a surprising one: 656 people killed by “personal weapons,” which essentially means beating someone to death with your bare hands. Kicking is also allowed in this category, as is pushing someone to their death — off a cliff, in front of a bus, etc.

More people were killed by personal weapons (656) than by blunt objects (472), i.e., beating someone to death with a hammer or a bat. Why are more people not using a weapon? I guess they like a challenge.

Now let’s talk about rifles. Rifles have an undeservedly bad reputation in my opinion. Rifles can be used for sporting purposes and for self-defense, but they can also be used as a murder weapon.

In 2016, 374 Americans were murdered with a rifle.

Everyone wants to ban rifles! No one wants to ban knives, hammers or fists, which can also be used as murder weapons, but everyone wants to ban rifles. People are crazy.

P.S. Some approaches to murder are far more common in popular entertainments than in real life. Poisoning is common in murder mysteries but only 11 Americans were killed with poison in 2016. Only 1 person was killed with explosives, even though I can’t remember the last movie I saw that didn’t have at least one explosion.

Finally, let me say a word about inclusiveness. We don’t care who you are or how you get here. There are no special privileges in Hell.

You may have been an underrepresented minority on Earth. You may be one of the misfits who manages to get themselves poisoned. Rest assured that we treat everyone the same: abominably.

See you in Hell!


EppsNet at the Movies: A Man Called Ove

10 Feb 2018 /

A Man Called Ove is about love, death, friendship, aging, hope and heroic decency in the face of disaster. The film was nominated for two Academy Awards and was the highest-grossing foreign language film in the United States in 2016.

Tom Hanks is attached to star in a remake of this movie. I mention that in the hopes of motivating you to watch the original.

The Tom Hanks version will be terrible because the movie, as the title suggests, is about an ordinary man with a common name and the ordinary details that make up his life. Having the role played by a famous movie star is exactly the wrong thing to do.

Highly recommended!

Rating: 5 stars

A Man Called Ove

Ove, an ill-tempered, isolated retiree who spends his days enforcing block association rules and visiting his wife's grave, has finally given up on life just as an unlikely friendship develops with his boisterous new neighbors.

Director: Hannes Holm
Cast: Rolf Lassgård, Bahar Pars, Filip Berg, Ida Engvoll

IMDb rating: 7.7 (31380 votes)


Hitmen Take Credit Cards?

4 Feb 2018 /

https://www.linkedin.com/feed/?lipi=urn%3Ali%3Apage%3Ad_linotify_click%3BEoCO0QrESauyq5xphSgX%2Fg%3D%3D&licu=urn%3Ali%3Acontrol%3Ad_linotify_click-badge-1


Ghosts

22 Jan 2018 /

You must not think that what I have
accomplished through you

could have been accomplished by any other means.

Each of us is to himself
indelible. I had to become that which could not

be, by time, from human memory, erased.

I had to burn my hungry, unappeasable
furious spirit

so inconsolably into you

you would without cease
write to bring me rest.

Bring us rest. Guilt is fecund. I knew

nothing I made
myself had enough steel in it to survive.

I tried: I made beautiful
paintings, beautiful poems. Fluff. Garbage.

The inextricability of love and hate?

If I had merely made you
love me you could not have saved me.

— Frank Bidart, “The Ghost”
 

By Robert Lowell:
"The Ghost" by Robert Lowell


When Death Is Not Death

15 Jan 2018 /
Coffin

A certain man was believed to have died, and was being prepared for burial, when he revived.

He sat up, but he was so shocked by the scene surrounding him that he fainted.

He was put in a coffin, and the funeral party set off for the cemetery.

Just as they arrived at the grave, he regained consciousness, lifted the coffin lid, and cried out for help.

“It is not possible that he has revived,” said the mourners, “because he has been certified dead by competent experts.”

“But I am alive!” shouted the man.

He appealed to a well-known impartial scientist and jurisprudent who was present.

“Just a moment,” said the expert.

He then turned to the mourners, counting them. “Now we have heard what the alleged deceased has had to say. You fifty witnesses tell me what you regard as the truth.”

“He is dead,” said the witnesses.

“Bury him!” said the expert.

And so he was buried.


When we are dead, seek not our tomb in the earth, but find it in the hearts of men. — Epitaph of Jalaludin Rumi


What Shall I Be?

13 Jan 2018 /

I have again and again grown like grass;
I have experienced seven hundred and seventy moulds.
I died from minerality and became vegetable;
And from vegetativeness I died and became animal.
I died from animality and became man.
Then why fear disappearance through death?
Next time I shall die
Bringing forth wings and feathers like angels:
After that soaring higher than angels —
What you cannot imagine. I shall be that.

— Jalaladin Rumi
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Why Not Enjoy a Snickers?

12 Jan 2018 /

Our being is a being-towards-death, ending, not on the summit of actualization, but over the cliff in the abyss of annihilation . . .

Snickers


Soda Sticker Shock in Seattle

11 Jan 2018 /

Seattle is trying to discourage its citizens from drinking sugary beverages by imposing a 1.75-cent per ounce tax on all sugary drinks sold in the Emerald City.

Seattle soda tax

A $15.99 case of Gatorade at the Seattle Costco now has an added tax of more than $10. A case of Coke is now $7.35 more expensive than the Diet Coke or Coke Zero.

Sticker shock!

What will people drink instead of sugary beverages?

  1. Coffee. Seattle drinks a lot of coffee. Is coffee good for you? What if you put sugar in it?
  2. Beer. At these prices, it’s cheaper than soda.
  3. Diet soda. Are artificial sweeteners better for you than sugar?
  4. Fruit juice. Not taxed but contains a lot of sugar.

Should there be a tax on all-you-can-eat buffets? How about a tax credit for eating a vegetable?

Or maybe — just maybe — the tax code was not designed for and shouldn’t be used to impose nutritional penalties on the citizenry.

Economic question: How high does the sin tax on soda have to be before it becomes profitable to smuggle black market sodas into Seattle?

That’s not a frivolous question. Remember Eric Garner?

He died while being arrested for selling illegal “loosie” cigarettes as part of a black market created by stratospheric New York sin taxes on cigarettes.

Here’s another great health-conscious idea: I’ve heard a lot about the ill effects of sleep deprivation . . . Seattle should have a mandatory bedtime for all residents, with a fine of 1.75 cents per minute for violators.

Bedtime


EppsNet Book Reviews: Death on the Installment Plan by Louis-Ferdinand Céline

7 Jan 2018 /

Death on the Installment Plan is a fictionalized coming-of-age story based on Céline’s youth in pre-World War I France.

Absent are heroism, transcendence, love and the possibility of love. Instead, there is a lot of human action that comes to nothing. Death is not ennobling.

That said, hopelessness has never been described with more wit, energy and imagination or more droll, breathtaking language.

Here’s a sample of the black comedy, as the narrator remembers a local physician (all ellipses in the original):

“The most exquisite deaths, remember that, Ferdinand, are those that attack us in our most sensitive tissues . . .” He had a precious, elaborate, subtle way of talking, like the men of Charcot’s day. His prospecting of the Rolandic, the third ventricle, and the gray nucleus didn’t do him much good . . . in the end he died of a heart attack, under circumstances that were anything but cozy. An attack of angina pectoris that lasted twenty minutes. He held out for a hundred and twenty seconds with his classical memories, his resolutions, the example of Caesar . . . But for eighteen minutes he screamed like a stuck pig . . . his diaphragm was being ripped out, his living guts . . . a thousand open razors had been plunged into his aorta . . . He tried to vomit them out at us . . . I’m not exaggerating. He crawled out into the living room . . . He damn near hammered his chest in . . . He bellowed into the carpet . . . in spite of the morphine . . . You could hear him all over the house and out in the street . . . He ended up under the piano. When the cardiac arterioles burst one by one, it’s quite a harp . . . it’s too bad nobody ever comes back from angina pectoris. There’d be wisdom and genius to spare.

Rating: 5 stars


My Worries Are Few

27 Dec 2017 /

I have the ability to face up to the disturbing facts of life, except pain, sickness, death, poverty, rejection, loneliness, guilt, shame, confusion, doubt, imperfection, meaninglessness, futility and evil.

Also fear of being laughed at and cruelty to animals.


Christmas In New Orleans

25 Dec 2017 /

French Quarter

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French Quarter – Cafe du Monde

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French Quarter – Preservation Hall

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French Quarter – Bourbon Street

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Lafayette Cemetery #1

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VooDoo BBQ

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Beau Rivage Resort & Casino (Biloxi, MS)

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See You in Hell: Cardinal Law

20 Dec 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Arrivederci Roma!

This is a tough one . . . hypocrites go in the Eighth Circle with frauds, but rapists go into the Seventh Circle for the violent.

Anyway, Cardinal Law says hi.

How appropriate that he was able to die before the end of 2017, when the Dictionary.com Word of the Year was “complicit.”

See you in Hell!


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