EppsNet Archive: Death

See You in Hell, Ed Lee

12 Dec 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Ed Lee was the mayor of San Francisco, a sanctuary city.

My plan was to have Ed shot to death by an illegal alien but he outsmarted me by dying of a heart attack before I could put all the pieces together.

See you in Hell . . .


Al Franken and Ted Kennedy

6 Dec 2017 /
President Barack Obama and Senator Ted Kennedy

I’m old enough to remember when a U.S. senator could actually kill a woman and not only NOT resign but be considered a legislative luminary, the lion of the Democratic party.

(If you’re not old enough to remember that, google “Ted Kennedy.”)

I’m hearing that Sen. Al Franken will be resigning his seat within the next day.

The last straw was an allegation from a woman who said that Franken, before he was a senator, appeared to be about to kiss her and she moved away:

He was between me and the door and he was coming at me to kiss me. It was very quick and I think my brain had to work really hard to be like ‘Wait, what is happening?’ But I knew whatever was happening was not right and I ducked. I was really startled by it and I just sort of booked it towards the door and he said, ‘It’s my right as an entertainer.’

Her brain “had to work really hard.”

Franken categorically denies the allegation but that hasn’t stopped an avalanche of senators from calling for his resignation, none of whom apparently have ever in their life tried to kiss someone who wasn’t interested.

Satan and Ted Kennedy must be having a good laugh together. Those were the good old days, Ted. Pass the Jameson . . .


The Miser and the Angel of Death

28 Oct 2017 /

A miser had accumulated, by effort, trade, and lending, three hundred thousand dinars. He had lands and buildings, and all kinds of wealth.

Death and the miser

He then decided that he would spend a year in enjoyment, living comfortably, and then decide as to what his future should be.

But, almost as soon as he had stopped amassing money, the Angel of Death appeared before him, to take his life away.

The miser tried, by every argument which he could muster, to dissuade the Angel, who seemed, however, adamant. Then the man said:

“Grant me but three more days, and I will give you one-third of my possessions.”

The Angel refused, and pulled again at the miser’s life, tugging to take it away.

Then the man said:

“If you will only allow me two more days on earth, I will give you two hundred thousand dinars from my store.”

But the Angel would not listen to him. And the Angel even refused to give the man a solitary extra day for all his three hundred thousand pieces.

Then the miser said:

“Please, then, give me just time enough to write one little thing down.”

This time the Angel allowed him this single concession, and the man wrote, with his own blood:

“Man, make use of your life. I could buy not one hour for three hundred thousand dinars. Make sure you realize the value of your time.”

Related Links

Tags: , ,

The Family Nut Tree

26 Oct 2017 /
Nut tree

A brother of Las Vegas shooter Stephen Paddock was arrested in Los Angeles on child pornography charges.

Their father was a bank robber once on the FBI’s Most Wanted List.

The nuts didn’t fall far from the nut tree in the Paddock family . . .


Fats Domino, 1928-2017

25 Oct 2017 /

Ain’t that a shame . . .


Good News, Bad News

23 Oct 2017 /

Bad News: Americans are retiring later, dying sooner and are sicker in-between.

Good News: I found this video of a rescued raccoon who thinks she’s a dog:


Connie Hawkins, 1942-2017

8 Oct 2017 /

Connie Hawkins was my basketball role model growing up. I used to stretch my fingers around basketballs religiously so I could try to replicate his moves, most of which required the ability to palm the ball like a grapefruit (see photo).

Also: Foul! The Connie Hawkins Story by David Wolf is one of the best sports books ever written.

RIP Connie Hawkins

Connie Hawkins


See You in Hell: Tom Petty Update

2 Oct 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

He was standing at the gates here but he wouldn’t back down. Go figure.

See you in Hell . . .


Tom Petty, 1950-2017

2 Oct 2017 /

In December 2016, Tom Petty talked with Rolling Stone about his then-upcoming 2017 tour, which just ended last week at the Hollywood Bowl here in Los Angeles:

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was thinking this might be the last big one. I have a granddaughter now I’d like to see as much as I can. I don’t want to spend my life on the road.

Sad, as President Trump would say. Big life events can kill you . . .

RIP Tom Petty


See You in Hell

2 Oct 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

I thought what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?

Hugh Hefner says hi.

See you in Hell . . .


The Perfect Murder?

12 Sep 2017 /

Realtor Who Vanished During Harvey Found Dead, Ex-Husband ArrestedYahoo! News

Bathtub

That probably seemed like a good plan at the time, murdering your former spouse under cover of a natural disaster.

I bet that happens all the time. A woman is discovered drowned . . . who’s to know you actually drowned her in the bathtub ahead of time? I’d like to see ’em prove that in a court of law.

That being said, I still think the best way to kill someone and get away with it is to push them off a cliff.


Making it Through High School Alive

10 Sep 2017 /

Baltimore schools spend a staggering $16,000 per student – the fourth-highest rate in the nation – and still an investigation by Fox45’s Project Baltimore revealed that at six city schools, not one student scored proficient on the statewide tests for English and math.

At West Baltimore’s Frederick Douglass High, one of five high schools and one middle school where not one student scored a four or a five on the state test, only one out of 185 students who took the test last year scored a three, while 165 students scored a one, the lowest possible score.

Frederick Douglass

The schools are:

  • Booker T. Washington Middle School
  • Frederick Douglass High School
  • Achievement Academy at Harbor City
  • New Era Academy
  • Excel Academy at Francis M. Wood High
  • New Hope Academy

It looks like if you live in Baltimore, you want to avoid sending your child to a school whose name includes the word “Academy” or the name of an eminent black American.

The mother of one Frederick Douglass student is quoted as saying, “That’s absurd to me. That’s your teacher’s report card, ultimately.”

In Irvine, CA, where I live, the school district spent $9,488 per student last year, so I think it’s fair to say that Baltimore parents are not getting good value for their education dollar, but I also think that Irvine parents would be much more likely to say that sub-par educational performance indicates a problem in the home rather than with the teachers.

Accentuating the positive: At Excel Academy, 300 seniors started the school year, 104 graduated and 5 were shot to death. In some towns, just making it through high school alive is an accomplishment.


Walter Becker, 1950-2017

3 Sep 2017 /

Walter Becker

It’s hard times befallen the Soul Survivors
She thinks I’m crazy but I’m just growing old

RIP Walter Becker


No Political Violence on the Left?

20 Aug 2017 /

I’m still shaking my head on this one:

https://twitter.com/charlesmurray/status/899240201532448768?t=1&cn=ZmxleGlibGVfcmVjcw%3D%3D&refsrc=email&iid=77f9160ca4fa4b6aa987bb96570d37b3&uid=15906468&nid=244+285282305

Even left-wing stalwarts like The Atlantic know that the Post’s “no violence on the left” premise is bogus:

https://twitter.com/charlesmurray/status/899240201532448768?t=1&cn=ZmxleGlibGVfcmVjcw%3D%3D&refsrc=email&iid=77f9160ca4fa4b6aa987bb96570d37b3&uid=15906468&nid=244+285282305

Look how peaceful and non-violent everyone is in the Post photo.

Contrast that with, for example, these protesters at Berkeley earlier this year:

Milo 'protesters' at Berkeley

Milo 'protesters' at Berkeley

I’m drawn to Berkeley examples because our son went to Berkeley and still lives in the area, because I know some current Berkeley students, and because Berkeley, ironically, used to be synonymous with the Free Speech Movement.

The photos above show the protesters who showed up to violently shut down a scheduled talk by Milo Yiannopoulos, but the same thing seems to happen whenever any university schedules a conservative speaker.

Here are a couple more left-wing protests, in Chicago and Charlottesville:

More Dead Cops

We could go on and on with this . . . we’ve all seen this before so I don’t know who the target audience is for the Post’s “no violence on the left” argument.

And of course Steve Scalise couldn’t be reached for comment because he’s still in inpatient rehabilitation after being shot by a Bernie Sanders supporter a couple of months ago.

It looks to me like there’s plenty of bigotry, intolerance and hatred at both ends of the political spectrum.

The Post’s argument seems to be that while left-wing violence is the work of outsiders and lone nuts, militia culture and violent resistance on the right exists “on unprecedented scales.” The best examples the Post was able to come up with are Ruby Ridge, the Oklahoma City bombing, and the Dylann Roof murders in Charleston, two of which happened 20+ years ago and all of which involved one guy, or one guy and an accomplice, or one guy and his family.

Ruby Ridge was a “we thought they were up to something so we had to kill them” government siege and Randy Weaver was not convicted of anything except missing his original court date and a bail violation.

Do those examples indicate organized right-wing violence “on unprecedented scales”? I’d say no, but make up your own mind.

The Post concedes that “occasionally violent groups” such as Antifa are “worrisome,” which sounds like a word my grandmother would have used. But these groups are “loosely banded, disorganized and low scale . . . incomparable to the scope and breadth of organized violence demonstrated by the extreme right.”

Such as?

“Organized militias that are well armed, well trained and well networked” and “armed to the teeth.”

I don’t know what sort of data the Post combed through to come up with that rigorous characterization (“armed to the teeth”?), but I’ve never seen an estimate of more than 10,000 active white supremacists in a country of 320 million people. We’re talking about an insignificant number of confused, poorly organized losers.

As an example of what a well-trained, armed to the teeth, organized militia can accomplish, the Post cites last year’s armed standoff at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon.

The result of that was one militant killed, one militant wounded and 27 militants arrested and indicted. I hate to think what a disorganized, poorly trained militia could have done.


Overheard

30 Jul 2017 /
Chicago

Man reading news story from his phone: “‘A 4-year-old boy is among at least 29 people shot in Chicago this weekend as violence across the city left two dead and more than two dozen others wounded.'”

“Twenty-nine people shot and only two dead? Thank god black people can’t shoot straight.”

“How do you know they were black people?”

“Uh . . . ok, you got me there.”


10 Reasons Why Failure is Good, Except When It’s Bad

11 Jul 2017 /
 Sharon Christa McAuliffe,  Gregory Jarvis, Judith A. Resnik, Francis R. (Dick) Scobee, Ronald E. McNair, Mike J. Smith, Ellison S. Onizuka. Image credit: NASA

Sharon Christa McAuliffe, Gregory Jarvis, Judith A. Resnik, Francis R. (Dick) Scobee, Ronald E. McNair, Mike J. Smith, Ellison S. Onizuka. Image credit: NASA

Once upon a time there was a startup, and the president of this startup, like a lot of people in the early part of the 21st century, celebrated failure — as a learning tool and as a precursor to success.

He encouraged employees to celebrate failures on the company Slack channel, using the hashtag #fail.

Legend has it that the president called one employee on the carpet for suggesting on the Slack channel that it doesn’t make sense to celebrate failure without factoring in the cost of failure.

That is simply a truism, is it not? Obviously the value of failure can be swamped out by the cost, e.g.,

Blew up 7 astronauts but learned that O-rings don’t function in sub-freezing temperatures. #fail

You can think of other examples yourself. You can probably also think of people and/or companies for whom failure was merely a precursor to more failure.

Working for startups is risky, but the president of this startup told all the employees that he would give them a six-month heads-up if the company were ever on track to run out of money.

Then one day, due to the failure to retain a key client, the staff was cut to around 15 people (there were close to 100 at one time) with zero notice and a one week’s severance check.

You could make a case that the “six-month” promise didn’t apply because the company didn’t actually “run out of money,” but most people felt that the spirit of the promise, if not the letter, had been violated.

Was this a failure to be celebrated? It probably depends from which side of the exit door you’re looking at it. Sometimes a pivot looks a lot like an implosion.

Was it celebrated with a #fail hashtag in the company Slack channel? I don’t know.

Lost our key client. Laid off all developers but kept the company chef. #fail

This is a fable and like all fables it has a moral: Failure is good, except when it’s bad.

Resemblance to persons or companies living or dead would be a coincidence.

Thus spoke The Programmer.


Great Moments in Socialized Medicine: Charlie Gard

4 Jul 2017 /

If I’m understanding this correctly, socialized medicine really does mean that the government decides if you will live or die, and if your children will be allowed to live or die.

I’m glad to see that the current president of the United States is not on board with the idea of a government being able to decide on the life or death of a baby, and to deny the parents of the baby the ability to counter that decree.

This is a good reminder — since there are people who think that “single payer,” i.e., socialized medicine, i.e., the government runs the healthcare system, would be a good thing to have in the United States — that the government, if you’re very old and/or very sick, is not going to give you all that technology and all those drugs for the last couple of years or months or days of your life to keep you going.

It’s too expensive, so they are going to let you die.


Signs of Trouble

28 Jun 2017 /

When a headline starts with one of the following, rest assured there’s going to be trouble:

“Bungee jumper . . .”

“Florida woman . . .”

“YouTube gun stunt . . .”

Related link: How Much Paper Does It Take to Stop a .50-Cal Bullet?


Cocaine, Heroin, Ecsatsy

22 Jun 2017 /

In case you hadn’t noticed, being alive is difficult and probably overrated. Why not take all the drugs you can?

Just playing devil’s advocate here . . .


Denis Johnson, 1949-2017

28 May 2017 /

Three rules to write by:

Write naked. That means to write what you would never say.
Write in blood. As if ink is so precious you can’t waste it.
Write in exile, as if you are never going to get home again, and you have to call back every detail.

RIP Denis Johnson


Next Page »