EppsNet Archive: Movies

EppsNet at the Movies: A Star is Born

OK, actually I haven’t seen A Star is Born and here’s why: When I go to the movies, I like to see something I’ve never seen before. I don’t care for sequels, prequels, reboots, spinoffs, adaptations of TV shows, video games, comic books or other movies. I don’t like love stories. I find them unrealistic. I read a lot and the books and authors I like mostly exclude the possibility of true love. What is worse than when you want to see a movie and someone spoils it by telling you how it ends? If you’re remaking A Star is Born for the fifth time, everyone already knows how it ends. You’ve spoiled your own movie.   Director: Cast: IMDb rating: ( votes) Read more →

A Close Encounter with Burt Reynolds’ Legacy

I’m having dinner at a Japanese restaurant . . . in the booth behind me are a couple straight out of Sons of Anarchy. The man is about 45, large, with a shaved head, tattoos and a motorcycle jacket. Same description for the woman, except for the shaved head. Her jacket is emblazoned with PROPERTY OF TROG (or FROG or ????, couldn’t make it out clearly), which I assume is the name of either a motorcycle gang or the gentleman sitting across from her. Midway through the meal, Trog wonders aloud if Smokey and the Bandit is available on Netflix. To his chagrin, the movie doesn’t seem to register with his girlfriend, so to jog her memory, he pulls up the “Eastbound and Down” song on his phone and plays it loudly enough to be heard by everyone in the vicinity. He then launches into an analysis of the film… Read more →

Animal House Tax Policy

ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and Maryland sued the federal government over the Republican-led tax overhaul Tuesday, alleging the new law championed by President Donald Trump unfairly singles out high-tax blue states. — wsaz.com I thought this was noteworthy in that I can’t remember ever in my life hearing a Democrat say anything about people in high tax brackets other than they are not paying their “fair share.” If a Democrat has ever before said that people in high tax brackets are being singled out unfairly, I can’t remember it. The new federal tax law passed last year caps the deduction for state and local taxes at $10,000, meaning that residents of high-tax states like New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and Maryland — and California, where I currently live — will see big increases in their federal tax bill. It reminds me of a scene from… Read more →

Be Thankful That You’re Miserable

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s very lucky, to be miserable. — Alvy Singer Read more →

See You in Hell: Rifles Have an Undeservedly Bad Reputation

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings from the Lake of Fire! I was perusing the FBI data on murder weapons in the U.S. For 2016, what do you think was the most frequently employed murder weapon? Survey SAYS — handguns! The weapon of choice in 7,105 murders. I blame the NRA! Ha ha, just messing with you there. The NRA has nothing to do with the existence of evil in the world. That’s my department. That handgun number is actually a little low, because the FBI also reports more than 3,000 gun murders where the type of firearm is not specified — and it’s almost always a handgun. Running a distant second behind guns: knives, used to end the life of 1,604 Americans in 2016. Now here’s a surprising one: 656 people killed by “personal weapons,” which essentially means beating someone… Read more →

Camille Paglia on #MeToo and Damsels in Distress

The big question is whether the present wave of revelations, often consisting of unsubstantiated allegations from decades ago, will aid women’s ambitions in the long run or whether it is already creating further problems by reviving ancient stereotypes of women as hysterical, volatile and vindictive. My philosophy of equity feminism demands removal of all barriers to women’s advancement in the political and professional realms. However, I oppose special protections for women in the workplace. Treating women as more vulnerable, virtuous or credible than men is reactionary, regressive and ultimately counterproductive. Complaints to the Human Resources department after the fact are no substitute for women themselves drawing the line against offensive behavior — on the spot and in the moment. Working-class women are often so dependent on their jobs that they cannot fight back, but there is no excuse for well-educated, middle-class women to elevate career advantage or fear of social… Read more →

EppsNet at the Movies: A Man Called Ove

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People I Thought Were Dead

Herb Alpert – trumpeter Max Baer Jr. – actor, “The Beverly Hillbillies” Barbara Bain – actress, “Mission: Impossible” Brigitte Bardot – actress Rona Barrett – gossip columnist Frank Borman – astronaut Roy Clark – musician Roger Corman – film producer Robert Crumb – cartoonist Bill Daily – actor Vic Damone – singer Angie Dickinson – actress Annette and Cecile Dionne – quintuplets Sam Donaldson – TV newscaster Hugh Downs – TV announcer Daniel Ellsberg – released the Pentagon Papers Barbara Feldon – actress Fannie Flagg – actress and game show panelist Larry Flynt – publisher of Hustler Whitey Ford – baseball pitcher A.J. Foyt – auto racer Ron Gallela – celebrity photographer, aka “paparazzo” Whitey Herzog – baseball manager Ernest Hollings – U.S. senator Cloris Leachman – actress Tom Lehrer – musical satirist Jerry Lee Lewis – singer and pianist G. Gordon Liddy – Watergate mastermind Rich Little – impressionist Peter Max… Read more →

Wild Wild Life

Sleeping on the interstate oh oh oh Getting wild, wild life Checkin’ in, checkin’ out! Uh, huh! I got a wild, wild life Spending all of my money and time oh oh oh Done too much wild, wild We want to go, where we go, where we go oh oh oh I doing wild, wild life Read more →

EppsNet at the Movies: The Matrix

The Matrix is 75 percent juvenile philosophizing and 25 percent sci-fi action. Someone must have told the Wachowski brothers (now the Wachowski sisters) that they’re a lot smarter than they really are because the movie would have been much better with 25 percent juvenile philosophizing and 75 percent sci-fi action. Rating: The Matrix Director: Lana Wachowski, Lilly Wachowski Cast: Keanu Reeves NeoLaurence Fishburne MorpheusCarrie-Anne Moss TrinityHugo Weaving Agent Smith IMDb rating: ( votes) Read more →

EppsNet at the Movies: Superbad

This inexplicably gets a good rating on IMDb. I couldn’t sit through 10 minutes of it. If your age and/or IQ is somewhere in the teens, you might enjoy it. My rating would be lower but there was one funny joke. Rating: Superbad Director: Greg Mottola Cast: Michael Cera EvanJonah Hill SethChristopher Mintz-Plasse FogellBill Hader Officer Slater IMDb rating: ( votes) Read more →

EppsNet at the Movies: Baby Driver

[imdblive:id(tt3890160)] The dialogue is awful and the characters are trite — the criminal mastermind in his secret lair, the beautiful but deadly femme fatale, the trigger-happy psychopath, etc. — but once they stop talking and the action kicks in, it’s terrific! Also: great soundtrack! Rating: Baby Driver [imdblive:plot] Director: Edgar Wright Cast: Ansel Elgort BabyJon Bernthal GriffJon Hamm BuddyEiza González Darling IMDb rating: [imdblive:rating] ([imdblive:votes] votes) Read more →

One Thing I Can’t Tolerate is Intolerance: Yelp at Yale Edition

According to the New York Times, June Chu, dean of Pierson College at Yale, lost her job after calling people “white trash” in Yelp reviews. Here are some of (former) Dean Chu’s hot Yelp takes: Regarding a Japanese restaurant: “If you are white trash, this is the perfect night out for you. . . . Side note: employees are Chinese, not Japanese.” On a local movie theater: “So what they have is barely educated morons trying to manage snack orders for the obese and also try to add $7 plus $7.” A mochi establishment: “Remember: I am Asian. I know mochi. . . . To be honest, you’d be better off getting mochi ice cream at Trader Joe’s! I guess if you were a white person who has no clue what mochi is, this would be fine for you.” Remember: I am white. I know racism. This is not racism… Read more →

Regal Cinema is Alienating Me

Went to the movies yesterday and found that Regal Cinema has joined the ranks of Chevron and Walgreens as companies willing to hit up customers for a charitable donation as part of their regular purchase. You’re part of an industry that burns up a billion dollars making pirate movies and Baywatch and special effects science fiction bullshit. Donate that money to whatever cause you’re passing the hat for, instead of hustling the customers for a donation over and above the price of a ticket and a 6-dollar soda and a 10-dollar sack of popcorn, and then tooting your own horn over your generosity and community involvement. Read more →

EppsNet at the Movies: The Accountant

[imdblive:id(tt2140479)] The Ben Affleck character is at the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum, which means, among other things, that he has no social skills. I also have no social skills. It’s exhausting just to be polite to people most of the time, let alone trying to be fun and interesting. I’d like to be diagnosed with something that gives me a medical excuse for not having to do that. The Ben Affleck character also has some cool and useful skills that he learned from his dad, whereas my dad never taught me anything except how to hold a grudge (not always useful). Rating: The Accountant [imdblive:plot] Director: Gavin O’Connor Cast: Ben Affleck Christian WolffAnna Kendrick Dana CummingsJ.K. Simmons Ray KingJon Bernthal Brax IMDb rating: [imdblive:rating] ([imdblive:votes] votes) Read more →

A Naked Person Wearing Glasses

I get out of the shower and, reversing my normal procedure, put on my glasses before getting dressed . . . “Is it funny to see a naked person wearing glasses?” I ask my wife. “No, I see that all the time.” “You do? Where?” “Uh . . . in a movie.” Read more →

Hillary Clinton and the New Ghostbusters

The Democratic party and the makers of the new Ghostbusters movie apparently share the idea that you can foist a transparently awful product on the American public as long as you have females in the lead role(s). Have you watched a Hillary Clinton speech? I yawn and cringe in equal measure. Here is a video from a campaign stop in North Carolina where she reads the word “sigh” — intended as a cue that she should actually sigh at that point in the speech — from a teleprompter. I cringed twice, once when she read it and once when I reflected on the phoniness of a candidate needing to be scripted to that degree. Read more →

Who Says Creativity is Dead in Tinseltown?

Keep reaching for the stars, thespians. Read more →

13 Hours Snubbed at Oscars

Michael Bays Benghazi movie was snubbed at the Academy Awards by the Hillary liberals. Maybe if instead of being a nationwide block buster it had been a Youtube video, democrats would of actually pretended like it deserved some credit for somthing. — PFT Commenter [sic all grammar and spelling] Read more →

Free Advice on Free Advice

Today a colleague offered to fix the pain in my shoulder. “Sounds like a problem with the connective tissue,” he said. “I can push it back into place.” “No,” I said. “No no no no no no no.” “Why not? Are you homophobic?” “Not wanting you to touch my shoulder is not homophobic.” Also this guy is not gay. “You don’t trust me?” “I was trying to think of a nice way to say that.” “I have a gift for this. I’ve helped a lot of people.” “You might be able to fix it. Probably you could. On the other hand, you might, just perhaps, push on it the wrong way and I lose the use of my left arm. Not worth the risk.” He then recommended that I go to a health food store and buy some red something-or-other algae to use as an anti-inflammatory. Which I’m not going… Read more →

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