EppsNet Archive: Sex

Every Male Journalist Will Be Famous for 15 Minutes

12 Dec 2017 /

Either for a sex-related termination or for botching another “bombshell” Trump story . . .


Matt Lauer’s Secret Sex Lair!

30 Nov 2017 /

Lauer’s private office at storied 30 Rockefeller Plaza contained a secret button that could essentially turn that office into a secret sex lair. — Fox News

The “secret button” closed the office door and locked it, if the doorknob was in the locked position.

If closing the door and locking it turns an office into a “secret sex lair,” isn’t everyone’s office a secret sex lair?

I read elsewhere that Lauer’s behavior included “luring” female employees to his office. How is “luring” different from inviting? Did he drag around a nice pair of shoes on a fishhook?

One more: according to Variety, “despite being married, Lauer was fixated on women, especially their bodies and looks.”

Ask not for whom the bell tolls . . .


Every Form of Harassment is Okay — Except One

28 Nov 2017 /

How did we decide that sexual harassment is the one category of workplace abuse, incidences of which require national outrage and loss of employment?

Ideally, we would all have the prudence and restraint not to make sexual advances toward people over whose career we hold sway, but it happens.

And yet we’ve all been harassed and ill-used in the workplace in other ways by someone more powerful, someone who negatively impacted our career by embarrassing us, intimidating us, undermining us, lying to us, lying about us, stealing the credit for our work . . . it goes on and on.

Rarely do negative consequences accrue to the harasser.

Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs, for example, was known for being abrasive, dismissive, shouting down colleagues, blaming others when things didn’t work out and occasionally wrapping himself in glory that rightly belonged elsewhere.

Did this torpedo his career? Hardly. He’s an American icon.

(In other Pixar news, John Lasseter likes to hug people. He’s now a pariah.)

Bill Gates never hesitated to tell people how dumb they were and how stupid their ideas were. In spite of this, Gates also managed to have a good career.

You can fill in your own additional examples. There are plenty to choose from.

Like sexual harassment, the options for dealing with other forms of workplace harassment are 1) report it; 2) quit; 3) decide that you need or want the job enough to remain silent and take what’s dished out.

I’ve usually taken option 1 or 2. Maybe I would have had a better career with more frequent exercise of option 3 . . . false pleasantries toward people I didn’t like, faux respect toward people I didn’t respect . . .

Thus spoke The Programmer.


Slut-Shaming: It’s Not Just For Women Anymore

26 Nov 2017 /

Some of the recent sexual misconduct allegations seem serious enough to warrant adjudication in a courtroom, but a lot of them sound like what would be called slut-shaming if the targets were women.

(Slut-shaming is the practice of criticizing or attacking [wo]men for having casual or promiscuous sex, acknowledging sexual feelings and/or acting on sexual feelings. The implication is that if a [wo]man engages in sexual activity that traditional society disapproves of, [s]he should feel guilty and inferior.)

Joe Barton is the congressman from Texas whose nude photo was posted online, apparently by a jealous ex-girlfriend. (That link goes to an NPR story, not to the actual photo. I’m sure you can find the photo if you want to but be advised that Barton is overweight and 68 years old.)

Some facts are in dispute, but everyone agrees that the photo was posted (by someone) after Barton told the woman he would report her to police if she posted the photo.

The Washington Post reported the Barton story with a headline that made him sound like the villain:

Congressman on tape tells woman he would report her to Capitol Police because she could expose his secret sex life

“Secret sex life”! Isn’t everyone’s sex life secret — other than porn stars?

Let’s flip the sexes: A man threatens to post an explicit photo of his ex-girlfriend, she threatens to report him to police, and he posts the photo anyway. Where do our sympathies lie?

With the woman, right? We don’t support revenge porn because we’re not deranged sociopaths.

Slut-shaming is not just for women anymore . . .


A Breakdown of Sexual Misconduct Allegations

24 Nov 2017 /

Another day, another batch of sexual misconduct allegations . . .

I would put these into two categories:

  1. Allegations that should be adjudicated in a court of law, like rape and anything involving a person below the age of consent.
  2. Everything else: unwanted sexual advances, lewd remarks, etc.

In some states, like Alabama, the age of consent is 16, so a sexual advance aimed at a 16-year-old in Alabama would be in Category 2. A sexual advance toward a 14-year-old would be in Category 1, even in Alabama.

Category 1

Regarding Category 1, I’m hearing things like “We went out for drinks, I invited him home and he raped me, and then on a later occasion, we went out for drinks again and I invited him home and he raped me again.” Or “I went home with him, he raped me, I spent the night, and we had consensual sex the next morning.”

If women are going on second dates with rapists and having consensual sex with rapists, I’m not sure I even know what rape is anymore. In any case, rape allegations should be addressed in a court of law. Due process, appropriate remedies, etc.

(As an aside, I hope it’s not out of line in a blame-the-victim way to say that if I had a daughter, I’d advise her not to go to someone’s home, apartment, hotel room, frat house bedroom — i.e., any place where there will be no independent witnesses — unless you’re confident that you can handle anything that might happen there. Actually, as I read that over, it seems like good advice for sons as well.)

Category 2

Is there any way to know ahead of time if a sexual advance is wanted or unwanted? Even with your wife or girlfriend, you don’t always know, right? You could ask — e.g., “Can I kiss you?” — but even that’s a sexual advance, isn’t it?

If having made an unwanted advance or lewd remark at any time within the last 40 years is a crime, we’ll all hang side by side. And not just the men. It’s gonna be a swingin’ party!

You might say that I don’t really understand the female point of view on this topic. But the targets are not all female . . .

When I heard a man report that Kevin Spacey “forcefully put his hand on my genitals,” I thought “So apply a forceful rejoinder to his genitals. That should clear the air.”

Al Franken grabbed my ass at the state fair 10 years ago.

I’m not a fan of Al Franken as a comedian or as a senator, but why are incidents like this worthy of national attention?

We’ve all had hands on our genitals, hands on other people’s genitals, with varying degrees of enthusiasm and gratification. We all have conflicts, impulses, disappointments . . . things happen that we don’t like.

We act on impulses sometimes in ways that are clumsy, crude, inelegant, insensitive . . .

Again, let’s adjudicate the Category 1 cases in the courthouse, but with no sexual advances, there’s no sex. An advance is made, accepted or declined. Let’s move on.


Tech Gender Bias: Men Not as Concerned

24 Oct 2017 /

According to LinkedIn:

Despite a string of revelations that women in tech face considerable headwinds — from persistent gender-based pay gaps (per Bloomberg), to limited VC funding for female-led startups (per Fortune), to sexual harassment (per The New York Times) — just 29% of men say that discrimination is a major problem in the industry, according to data from Pew. In fact, some 32% of men claim that it’s not a problem at all.

Everything I read about gender discrimination in tech starts out by assuming it’s a real problem and that all reasonable people agree that it’s a real problem.

Even the supposedly objective LinkedIn blurb above tells us that 29% of men “say” that discrimination is a major problem, while 32% of men “claim” that it’s not a problem at all, “despite a string of revelations blah blah blah . . .”

I’ve worked in tech for 30 years . . . I say it’s not a problem but I’m open to an evidence-based argument that I’m wrong. (NB: “If you can’t see it, then you’re part of the problem” is not an evidence-based argument.)

 

Some possible evidence for gender discrimination:

Gender

Just look at the numbers. It’s a male-dominated industry.

Agreed, but that’s not prima facie evidence of discrimination.

I worked with a nursing organization for five years. Nursing, you may have noticed, is a female-dominated profession. During that time, I never heard one person mention gender bias in nursing. Never. In five years.

Most schoolteachers are women, most therapists are women, most social workers, most MFC counselors . . . I could go on with this but I think we both get the point: Have you ever heard anything about gender bias in any female-dominated profession? I haven’t.

Gender imbalance is not evidence of discrimination. Men and women are different and they choose to do different things. More women choose to be nurses and social workers and more men choose to be programmers.

Limited VC funding for female-led startups

VCs would love to fund more female-led startups, but again, men and women choose to do different things and more men choose to do startups.

Note that there doesn’t seem to be a shortage of women starting small businesses, but more men choose to pitch VC-funded startups.

Gender-based pay gaps

Gender-based pay gaps are not specific to the tech industry.

Sexual harassment

Sexual harassment is not specific to the tech industry.

Online harassment

If you think online harassment is limited to women, you haven’t spent much time online. Standards of discourse are nonexistent. Civility is almost non-existent.

Jump on Twitter for a few minutes and see how people talk to each other.

I’ve been interacting with people on the web for a couple of decades . . . some of the things people have said to me . . . it’s beyond upsetting . . . you can feel the blood draining out of your face as you’re reading it. It’s not limited to women.

Women are passed over for raises, promotions, plum projects, etc.

Yes . . . so are men. What’s your hypothesis? Men are passed over because they’re undeserving, while women are passed over just because they’re women?

 

TL;DR -> Women are capable of making decisions for themselves. For the most part, they choose to do things other than work in tech and do startups. So what?

Thus spoke The Programmer


L’Affaire Weinstein

19 Oct 2017 /
Harvey Weinstein, Chairman, The Weinstein Company

It seems like almost all of the Weinstein shenanigans happened after women accepted an invitation to meet in his hotel room.

Wouldn’t that give you pause if a business associate of the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer) invited you meet in a hotel room? Why not the lobby? Or the restaurant? Or an office building?

And when he or she comes to the door in a bathrobe, do you say “I’ll come back when you’re dressed”? Or do you go in anyway? Surely you’ve gotten the hint by now . . .

It was evidently well known in the entertainment industry what Weinstein was up to with women in hotel rooms. But it was also well known that Weinstein had advanced the careers of many.

Dilemma! What do you do? How will you explain it to yourself and others?

Yes, I agreed to meet a man in a hotel room . . . yes, he did answer the door in a bathrobe . . . but I was traumatized when he later proposed that I give him a massage!

I thought it was strictly a business meeting! . . . in a hotel room . . . with a person wearing a bathrobe . . .


To the Daughter I Never Had

17 Oct 2017 /

Take control of your own impulses, conflicts and disappointments. Don’t forfeit your freedom and independence in exchange for intrusion into and adjudication of your private life and penalizing of men who did something you didn’t like.

Also: Dress appropriately. Maintain some mystique and intrigue.

Don’t feel like you have to link up with another person until you’ve got some idea about what you want from life.

Love, Dad


Camille Paglia on Hefner, Trump, Masculinity, Feminism, Etc.

3 Oct 2017 /

The Hollywood Reporter has an interview with the always articulate and interesting Camille Paglia:

Before the election, I kept pointing out that the mainstream media based in Manhattan, particularly The New York Times, was hopelessly off in the way it was simplistically viewing Trump as a classic troglodyte misogynist. I certainly saw in Trump the entire Playboy aesthetic, including the glitzy world of casinos and beauty pageants. It’s a long passé world of confident male privilege that preceded the birth of second-wave feminism. There is no doubt that Trump strongly identified with it as he was growing up. It seems to be truly his worldview.

But it is categorically not a world of unwilling women. Nor is it driven by masculine abuse. It’s a world of show girls, of flamboyant femaleness, a certain kind of strutting style that has its own intoxicating sexual allure — which most young people attending elite colleges today have had no contact with whatever.

 

The unhappy truth is that the more the sexes have blended, the less each sex is interested in the other. So we’re now in a period of sexual boredom and inertia, complaint and dissatisfaction, which is one of the main reasons young men have gone over to pornography. Porn has become a necessary escape by the sexual imagination from the banality of our everyday lives, where the sexes are now routinely mixed in the workplace.

With the sexes so bored with each other, all that’s left are these feminist witch-hunts. That’s where the energy is! And meanwhile, men are shrinking. I see men turning away from women and simply being content with the world of fantasy because women have become too thin-skinned, resentful and high maintenance.

 

I don’t regard Gloria Steinem as an expert on any of the human appetites, sexuality being only one of them. Interviews with Steinem were documenting from the start how her refrigerator contained nothing but two bottles of carbonated water. Steinem’s philosophy of life is extremely limited by her own childhood experiences. She came out of an admittedly unstable family background. I’m so tired of that animus of hers against men, which she’s been cranking out now for decade after decade. I come from a completely different Italian-American background — very food-centric and appetite-centric. Steinem, with that fulsomely genteel WASP persona of hers, represents an attitude of malice and vindictiveness toward men that has not proved to be in the best interest of young women today. . . .

Gloria Steinem, Susan Faludi, all of those relentlessly ideological feminists are people who have wandered away from traditional religion and made a certain rabid type of feminist rhetoric their religion. And their fanaticism has poisoned the public image of feminism and driven ordinary, mainstream citizens away from feminism. It’s outrageous. . . .

Steinem is basically a socialite who always hid her early dependence on men in the social scene in New York. And as a Democrat, I also blame her for having turned feminism into a covert adjunct of the Democratic party. I have always felt that feminism should transcend party politics and be a big tent welcoming women of faith and of all views into it.

 

What we have today, after Playboy declined and finally disappeared off the cultural map, is the coarse, juvenile anarchy of college binge drinking, fraternity keg parties where undeveloped adolescent boys clumsily lunge toward naive girls who are barely dressed in tiny mini skirts and don’t know what the hell they want from life. What possible romance or intrigue or sexual mystique could survive such a vulgar and debased environment as today’s residential campus social life?

Truly sophisticated seducers knew that women have to be courted and that women love an ambiance, setting a stage. Today, alas, too many young women feel they have to provide quick sex or they’ll lose social status. If a guy can’t get sex from them, he’ll get it from someone else. There’s a general bleak atmosphere of grudging compliance. . . .

The sizzle of sex seems gone. What Hefner’s death forces us to recognize is that there is very little glamour and certainly no mystery or intrigue left to sex for most young people. Which means young women do not know how to become women. And sex has become just another physical urge that can be satisfied like putting coins into a Coke machine.

This may be one reason for the ferocious pressure by so many current feminists to reinforce the Stalinist mechanisms, the pernicious PC rules that have invaded colleges everywhere. Feminists want supervision and surveillance of dating life on campus to punish men if something goes wrong and the girl doesn’t like what happened. I am very concerned that what young women are saying through this strident feminist rhetoric is that they feel incapable of conducting independent sex lives. They require adult intrusion and supervision and penalizing of men who go astray. But if feminism means anything, it should be encouraging young women to take control of every aspect of their sex lives, including their own impulses, conflicts and disappointments. That’s what’s tragic about all this. Young women don’t seem to realize that in demanding adult inquiry into and adjudication of their sex lives, they are forfeiting their own freedom and agency.


One Thing I Can’t Tolerate is Intolerance: Margaret Court Edition

1 Jun 2017 /

Margaret Court is being vilified and stigmatized this week — “racist,” “homophobe,” ‘blood on her hands,” name should be taken off the Australian Open arena, etc. — because she opposes gay marriage and homosexuality in general.

Margaret Court, 1971

If you want to position yourself as a champion of inclusion, diversity, respect, tolerance, you’ve got to extend those things to other people as well, and not just people who see the world exactly like you do.

You want tolerance and respect for sexual preferences? What about religious preferences? Margaret Court is a Christian pastor. A lot of people believe that God frowns on homosexuality. I don’t believe that myself but it’s not a weird fringe opinion.

Yes, Margaret Court introduced Satan and Nazis and Communists into the conversation, but Margaret Court isn’t presenting herself as an advocate of inclusion and tolerance. She’s saying this is right and that is wrong.

You can’t position yourself as an advocate of tolerance and oppose Margaret Court if you’re engaged in the same name-calling and bashing that she is: As an advocate of tolerance, I say that people like Margaret Court should not be tolerated!

If you were to come out and and say, “Look, I’m just as intolerant as Margaret Court but in the opposite direction. That’s the only difference between us. Whereas Margaret Court says these people are bad and these people are good, I say these people are good and these people are bad.”

That seems like a consistent, respectable position to have, but not intolerance in support of tolerance. That doesn’t make any sense . . .


Madonna Pledges Oral Sex for Clinton Voters

22 Oct 2016 /

Madonna Offers Oral Sex to Anyone Who Votes for Hillary ClintonMaxim

How old is Madonna? Will she have her teeth in at the time? Could I have her gargle a mouthful of Efferdent?

That would be different, like fucking a bottle of club soda . . .

Madonna


Are You a Role Model for Today’s Youth?

9 Oct 2016 /
George Carlin

The first question in tonight’s debate was “Are you a role model for today’s youth?”

I suppose this was the leadoff question because we found out this week that Donald Trump said some bad things 11 years ago.

I’ve been surprised by the amount of phony outrage about that given that

  1. Hillary Clinton’s husband set the bar for how crudely an American president can behave toward women. Or maybe JFK set the bar — he was a pimp and a degenerate but politicians were afforded a lot more privacy in those days so it’s hard to say for sure who was the bigger lout. As far as Clinton vs. Trump, we have actions vs. words. Big difference to me between saying (for example) “I’d like to fuck an intern with a cigar” and fucking an intern with a cigar. The spectacle of Hillary Clinton saying that a lack of reverence toward women indicates a lack of fitness for public office is surreal.
  2. If there’s a heterosexual man who hasn’t made remarks about women that would harm his reputation if recorded and played back to the nation, I don’t believe I’ve met him.

Also, as George Carlin used to say, “If your kids need a role model and it’s not you, you’re both fucked.”


How to Tell If You’re Too Busy

17 Sep 2016 /

A colleague shared this on Slack:

Busy Guy

It’s a slide from a presentation given by somebody somewhere . . . it’s hard to read but the gist of it is:

In the past, I’ve worked every holiday, on my birthday, my spouse’s birthday, and even on the day my son was born.

I asked the guy who shared it, “How do the birthdays fit in there? I don’t even remember when my spouse’s birthday is, but I certainly didn’t work on the day my son was born.”

“I think he meant on the nights of the birthdays,” was the reply.

“Was he working on the night his son was conceived? I bet he was. He seems like a very busy guy.”


How Do I Know If I’m Gay?

31 Jul 2016 /

Here’s what I learned on the internet today:

Gay refers to any male-identified person who is physically or emotionally attracted to other male-identified people.

Lesbian refers to any female-identified person who is physically or emotionally attracted to other female-identified people.

So if I’m a male-identified person and the female-identified person I’m having sex with decides right in the middle of it to identify as male, am I gay?


People Having a Worse Week Than You

15 May 2016 /
Coat of arms of Bahamas

Coat of arms of Bahamas

Dear Amy: I am a happily married 27-year-old woman about to have my first baby, and I am terrified because it isn’t my husband’s baby.

Last spring, another woman and I took a trip to the Bahamas. At the hotel I had a massage and was seduced by the masseur. I tried to resist, but I guess I got carried away. I sort of cooperated once things got started.

After some prenatal tests, my doctor recently told me that the baby’s blood type is different from both my husband’s and mine, which means the baby is not his. When the baby is born, it will be very obvious: My husband and I are white, and the masseur is black.

I can’t tell my husband; I think that he would leave me. It’s too late for an abortion. What can I do? Please advise me.

“Ask Amy,” Chicago Tribune

Ruff Sex

27 Mar 2016 /

I assumed every woman with a dog (not just a wiener dog) is doing this, minus the videos of course . . .

Police charge that the South Carolina suspect got intimate with a Dachshund on her 23rd birthday…

Posted by The Smoking Gun on Friday, March 25, 2016


All Options Are on the Table at Yahoo

7 Feb 2016 /

Including Marissa Mayer selling her ass . . .

For Sale


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

8 Nov 2015 /
At the movies
  • People who advise you to “embrace failure.” Probably good advice, but if I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it ten thousand times. We get it: Embrace Failure. Let’s move on already. Extra demerits: You have opinions on other completely played-out topics like management vs. leadership and how to optimize your LinkedIn profile.
  • People who say “Can I put you on hold for a moment?” and then immediately put me on hold without giving me a chance to sigh ostentatiously and say “If you must.”
  • Full-grown adults who tell you how sexually attracted they are to an actor or actress in a movie. Extra demerits: You invent your own fawning vocabulary with words like “droolworthy.” Your ability to be sexually aroused by a fantasy on a movie screen doesn’t enhance my opinion of you at all. Try maintaining a relationship in real life with someone who’s no more attractive than you are, lover boy (or girl).

Overheard

25 Feb 2015 /

Fraud


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Hobby Lobby Boycotters

16 Jul 2014 /
Hobby Lobby

“Don’t tell me what to do” and “Do what I say” – these are not compatible admonitions.James M. Buchanan

I just saw this Boycott Hobby Lobby group on Facebook . . .

There’s a longstanding liberal maxim — Keep Government Out of the Bedroom — i.e., “Don’t tell me what to do,” which has gone out the window on the Hobby Lobby case, where the liberal position is “Do what I say,” i.e., that a law requiring everyone to buy certain bedroom supplies whether they want to or not is not only a really great thing, it’s a moral imperative.

Individual liberty is a two-way street, folks . . .


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