EppsNet Archive: Sports

Tom Brady, Gisele Bündchen File for Divorce

 

I may be ignorant about crucially important details obviously but it seems like the main problem from Ms. Bündchen’s point of view was that her husband had a job. First, I’m super against divorces for people with minor children. Second, there are just few if any people who are as physically attractive as Tom Brady, have the charisma of Tom Brady, have as much money as Tom Brady, and are as good at their job as Tom Brady. So if she’s thinking she’s going to upgrade her spouse, she’s almost certainly deluded or getting bad advice. On the other side, I can’t help thinking that Tom Brady would be able to choose from any number of fabulously attractive women to enliven his social life. Read more →

See You in Hell, Ime Udoka

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings mortals — I remember a few months ago many of you talking about Ime Udoka coaching in the NBA finals AND getting to go home to someone named Nia Long, whom many of you seem to find attractive. I’ll share a little secret with you: No matter how hot you think someone is, there’s someone somewhere who’s bored with her. And she’s bored with him too but at least she didn’t humiliate him in front of the entire world. See you in Hell . . . Read more →

And That’s the Truth: Some Things You Caint Do

 

[And That’s the Truth is a feature by our guest blogger, Sojourner Truth– PE] Minnesota Timberwolves ‘disappointed’ in Anthony Edwards, who apologizes for using anti-gay comments in Instagram video — espn.com I’m gonna tell y’all a little secret. They ain’t really “disappointed” and he ain’t really sorry. I don’t know what he said on the video. I can probly guess. I been called some names myself. Done called other people some names too. Mebbe you has too. It’s life, people, grow up. It’s jus like Dave Chappelle says, you can kill a nigger and nobody care but you caint hurt the feelings of a gay person. And that’s the Truth! Read more →

Bye, Serena

 

Please please please let Serena Williams retire from tennis. Never cared for her at all. She’s a sore loser, ungracious . . . best example of this, go back and watch the 2018 US Open final where Naomi Osaka beats Serena’s ass, during which Serena’s conduct is so appalling that Osaka, rather than being able to jubilantly celebrate her first major title, ends the match sitting in a sideline chair crying with a towel over her head. Remember the time Serena verbally assaulted a linesperson (an older Asian woman, if I remember right) by threatening to “shove this fucking tennis ball down your throat”? Or watch any press conference after she lost a match. It’s all excuses, alibis, justifications. If she ever in her life said the other player played better than she did, I can’t remember hearing it. Contrast this with top male players — Nadal, Djokovic, Federer —… Read more →

The Jack Del Rio Dust-Up

 

Washington Commanders fine defensive coordinator Jack Del Rio $100,000 for his comments about Jan. 6 — usatoday.com Del Rio referred to Jan. 6, 2021, as a “dust-up” rather than the preferred-by-many term “insurrection.” In a statement released by the team, coach Ron Rivera said, among other things: pic.twitter.com/86bJREVDsq — Washington Commanders (@Commanders) June 10, 2022 “This morning I met with coach Del Rio to express how disappointed I am in his comments on Wednesday. His comments do not reflect the organization’s views and are extremely hurtful to our great community here . . .” What a great place to work! You’re not allowed to have a thought and say it out loud without having it pre-approved by “the organization.” I’m also surprised that even the most dysfunctional crybabies find the use of the term “dust-up” hurtful, let alone “extremely hurtful.” Maybe it’s just me . . . I don’t think… Read more →

Ending Gun Violence With T-Shirts

 

“I was gonna shoot up a school but then I saw Steve Kerr wearing a T-shirt and changed my mind.” Well, if that doesn't end gun violence I don't know what will. Jesus fuck, if you've got a serious proposal then make it, but T-shirts?! What a fucking clown show. https://t.co/QLE26J6nEB — Paul Epps (@paulepps) June 6, 2022 Read more →

Which is More Important — Education or Super Bowl LVI?

 

Schools in Inglewood, CA shut down completely for more than 400 days due to COVID-19, eventually reopening in a “hybrid” model of in-person and distance learning. Kids can be deprived of an education, but in February 2022, Los Angeles will host Super Bowl LVI, mashing more than 100,000 ticket-holders together (plus I don’t know how many ushers, food vendors and other support staff) in a mostly enclosed Inglewood, CA stadium. Draw your own conclusions. Read more →

See You in Hell, Kaepernick

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings mortals — Here is Colin Kaepernick’s opinion on the recent Kyle Rittenhouse verdict: This only further validates the need to abolish our current system. White supremacy cannot be reformed. Abolish our current system! What a great idea! What should we replace it with — a system that only renders verdicts that Colin Kaepernick likes? I’ll say one thing for this kid Rittenhouse, he was a lot more accurate under pressure than Kaepernick was during a 3-16 streak that got him replaced as a starting NFL QB by Blaine Gabbert. Blaine Gabbert! Of course, he blames that on white supremacy as well. Of the three people Rittenhouse shot, one was pointing a gun at him, one was trying to grab the rifle out of his hands and one was clubbing him in the head with a… Read more →

See You in Hell, Henry Ruggs III

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings mortals — A (now former) Las Vegas Raiders football player named Henry Ruggs III was driving around town at over 150 mph with a blood alcohol content twice the legal limit when — 150 mph?! God damn that’s a fast car! Where was I? Oh yes — when he smashed the car into another car, killing a woman and her dog. It’s my observation that Ruggs is not getting one percent of the nationwide vilification that another former member of the Raiders organization, Jon Gruden, has gotten. Gruden didn’t kill anyone but he did write some emails 10 years ago in which he used provocative language about homosexuals and people with big lips. To paraphrase Dave Chappelle, “You can kill a woman and nobody cares but you better not hurt the feelings of a gay… Read more →

My Boyhood Sports Icons Are Dying: Ray Fosse

 

Ray Fosse was a major league catcher from 1967 to 1979, a two-time All-Star for the Cleveland Indians, a two-time World Series champion with the Oakland A’s, and a two-time Gold Glove winner. It probably has to be said that Fosse may be best remembered for the final play of the 1970 All-Star Game, in which he was injured in a collision with Pete Rose at home plate. Fosse sustained a fractured and separated shoulder, which healed incorrectly, causing chronic pain that was never entirely resolved. It was a controversial play. Rose said that he was simply trying to win the game, and it was well known that he played the game as aggressively as anyone. I assume Fosse thought that even Rose wouldn’t try to bolo him in an exhibition game, or maybe he was just trying to make a good baseball play. It does look from the photo… Read more →

See You in Hell, Gruden Haters

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings mortals — I’m getting a chortle out of this Jon Gruden situation. Apparently 10 years ago in an email, Gruden said that a man with big lips has big lips and now everyone in America thinks he’s a worse person than I am. He also said (via email) some things about gays and queers that people didn’t like, and has been labeled a misogynist for saying that women shouldn’t officiate football games. What is a misogynist? It’s someone who dislikes women, right? He didn’t say, “I don’t think women should officiate football games because I hate women.” Female officials seems like a point on which reasonable people might differ. At the same, a comedian named Dave Chappelle released a Netflix special in which he says things far more offensive than anything Gruden said, if you’re… Read more →

The Kaepernick Encounter

 

I was pumping gas at a local station when I noticed another guy pumping gas wearing a Colin Kaepernick jersey. It may add something to the story to know the race of the guy in the jersey so I’ll tell you that he was a black guy. “You got a problem with the jersey?” the guy asked me. I was actually just trying to get a clear look at the name on the jersey so I could read it, but the guy was apparently on a hair trigger to begin with. “Not with the jersey or you wearing the jersey but I have a couple issues with Kaepernick. One is that kneeling for the anthem has nothing to do with police. Isn’t that what he was protesting, something about police? If you want to protest the police, go down to the police station and have a protest. But kneeling for… Read more →

My Boyhood Sports Icons Are Dying: J.R. Richard

 

Houston Astros icon J.R. Richard, whose career was cut short by stroke in 1980, dies at age 71 — espn.com We had a couple of catchers, one came with his arm in a sling and another came on crutches. There was something called J.R.-itis which was an incurable disease when you’re scared of J.R. Richard. It was like J.R. was only throwing from about 50 feet. With his reach and he was all legs, you didn’t have much time to make up your mind. … You didn’t really feel comfortable at the plate. He was the toughest guy I ever faced. — Dusty Baker Read more →

Transgender Runner CeCe Telfer Ruled Ineligible for US Olympic Trials

 

Transgender runner CeCe Telfer ruled ineligible for US Olympic trials — nypost.com Yes, that’s because he’s a man trying to compete against women. Can he still try out for the men’s Olympic team? Granted, that would be more difficult. To give you an idea, Telfer ran the 400m hurdles as a man for two years at Franklin Pierce University and was ranked 390th among men’s Division II athletes in that event. Note that I said Division II. The best athletes compete in Division I. He was 390th in Division II, i.e., a complete nobody. In 2019, he won a national championship in the women’s 400m hurdles (which by the way are 6 inches lower than men’s hurdles, 30 inches instead of 36). By a second and a half. Not even close. Because he was competing against women. Read more →

Athlete, Humanitarian, Champion

 

I’ve got a box of Wheaties that pays tribute to Muhammad Ali as an athlete, humanitarian and champion. I feel like those are the three words that best describe my own life: Athlete. Humanitarian. Champion. Except for the “athlete” part. And probably you could take out “humanitarian” because I don’t like people all that much. But “champion”? Definitely! Read more →

NY Times Annual Dissing of Black Students

 

First of all, I don’t know who is helped by these annual NY Times headlines on the academic underperformance of students with darker skin pigmentation. The black kid going out on an interview and the interviewer reads the NY Times — is he helped? Who is helped? What’s the point? Asian students by the way are doing great! Over half of the offers to “elite” NYC public high schools went to Asian kids. And these are not crazy rich Asians we’re talking about, they’re low-income Asians, immigrants, children of immigrants, who have an added disadvantage of living in homes where English is not the primary language. In my experience, kids can achieve remarkable competence in anything that’s important to them, and getting into these top schools has enormous significance in Asian families. Why doesn’t the NY Times run an annual story on how many Asians are selected in the NBA… Read more →

My Boyhood Sports Icons Are Dying: Henry Aaron

 

Henry “Hammerin’ Hank” Aaron was an outfielder with the Milwaukee Braves, Atlanta Braves and Milwaukee Brewers. He was a 25-time All-Star, was elected to the MLB Hall of Fame in 1982, and was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2002. He holds the MLB career records for RBI (2,297) and total bases (6,856), and was baseball’s home run king from 1974, when he hit number 715 off the Dodgers’ Al Downing, until 2007, when he was surpassed by the cheater Barry Bonds, who made a mockery of the most hallowed page of the MLB record book. Bonds hit 73 home runs in 2001 at the age of 37, and as Reggie Jackson said at the time, he would have hit 100 if anybody had pitched to him (he also had 177 walks). Aaron never hit more than 45 home home runs in a single season. Muhammad Ali once called… Read more →

My Boyhood Sports Icons Are Dying: Jake Scott

 

Jake Scott was a free safety best known for his work with the Miami Dolphins. Scott was a key member of the 1972 Dolphins’ undefeated season, and the championship teams of Super Bowl VII and VIII. He was a legendary closer and finisher, a punishing tackler and a superb pass defender. He had 35 interceptions in six seasons with Miami, most in team history, and also holds the career interceptions record at the University of Georgia. Scott was a five-time Pro Bowl selection, twice a first team All-Pro and was voted MVP of Super Bowl VII, a 14-7 win over the Washington Redskins in which he had two interceptions. RIP Jake Scott Read more →

My Boyhood Sports Icons are Dying: Bob Gibson and Joe Morgan

 

Between games, [Willie] Mays came over to me and said, ‘Now, in the second game, you’re going up against Bob Gibson.’ I only half-listened to what he was saying, figuring it didn’t make much difference. So I walked up to the plate the first time and started digging a little hole with my back foot…No sooner did I start digging that hole than I hear Willie screaming from the dugout: ‘Noooooo!’ Well, the first pitch came inside. No harm done, though. So I dug in again. The next thing I knew, there was a loud crack and my left shoulder was broken. I should have listened to Willie. — Jim Ray Hart RIP Bob and Joe Read more →

U-C-L-A Sucks

 

Forty years ago, @mickfleetwoodofficial, @stevienicks, and @lindseybuckingham presented the USC Trojan Marching Band with a platinum record for “Tusk.”   View this post on Instagram   A post shared by The Spirit of Troy (@usctmb) on Oct 4, 2020 at 3:28pm PDT Read more →

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