Author Archive: Satan

See You in Hell: Cardinal Law

20 Dec 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Arrivederci Roma!

This is a tough one . . . hypocrites go in the Eighth Circle with frauds, but rapists go into the Seventh Circle for the violent.

Anyway, Cardinal Law says hi.

How appropriate that he was able to die before the end of 2017, when the Dictionary.com Word of the Year was “complicit.”

See you in Hell!


See You in Hell, Ed Lee

12 Dec 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Ed Lee was the mayor of San Francisco, a sanctuary city.

My plan was to have Ed shot to death by an illegal alien but he outsmarted me by dying of a heart attack before I could put all the pieces together.

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell

23 Nov 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Charlie Manson says hi.

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell

30 Oct 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

I’m old enough to remember when professional athletes took pride in their trash-talking abilities. Now they sound like a bunch of 5-year-olds: he made a face at me, he called me a name, boo hoo hoo!

One day when you’re rotting with leprosy and stewing in a million kettles of snot, cockroaches and gangrene — I stir them myself! — only then will you look back on this kindergarten-level bullshit and realize how good you had it!

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell: Tom Petty Update

2 Oct 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

He was standing at the gates here but he wouldn’t back down. Go figure.

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell

2 Oct 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

I thought what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?

Hugh Hefner says hi.

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell

1 Oct 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

https://www.facebook.com/topic/Edmonton-Alberta/115976748413086?source=whfrt&position=2

Driving a vehicle into a crowd of people is the new black.

Will the lane assist feature that comes with a lot of new vehicles help prevent this? It won’t? Oh well . . .

See you in Hell . . .

Tags: ,

See You in Hell

22 Aug 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

I hate to say I told you so.

See you in Hell . . .

Robert Lee


See You in Hell: Robert E. Lee Edition

20 Aug 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Greetings from the underworld!

I saw this on Facebook today:

Traveler

First of all, the temperature on that screencap — 81 degrees? That’s the temperature in Los Angeles. The temperature here in Hell is much hotter.

Secondly, Americans are the fattest, dumbest people on the planet. Did you know that 25 percent of them think that the sun goes around the earth?

So most Americans don’t even know who Robert E. Lee was, let alone the name of his horse (it was Traveller, with two l’s).

Once it’s explained to them — who Robert E. Lee was, his horse’s name, what the Civil War was all about — they put it all together: the USC mascot is a racist horse!

Also coming under scrutiny: everyone named Robert or Lee or having the middle initial E.

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell

15 May 2016 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Along with pleas for money, almost 100 percent of the cardboard signs I see being held by people on freeway off-ramps and the like include the phrase “God Bless You.”

There seems to be a correlation between belief in God and begging for money on off-ramps. Notice that you never see Satanists begging for money.

Why don’t they pray for the money? Maybe they did pray and God told them to make a cardboard sign?

I tell my acolytes if they need money, learn to code.

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell: San Bernardino Edition

6 Dec 2015 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

It’s hard to believe in a God who meddles in people’s lives . . .

"We are a city full of hopeful optimists, who are still here and who will stay here because we believe God has something…

Posted by Los Angeles Times on Friday, December 4, 2015

God has something great planned for San Bernardino! Unfortunately his plan included murdering 14 people, but with that being said, he’s got something great up his sleeve for everyone who’s still alive!

Oh the inhumanity! God works in mysterious ways and so do I.

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell

11 Oct 2015 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

I’m hearing a lot of Orange County residents complaining about the heat this weekend. Take it from someone who knows about heat: 98 degrees is not heat. You’ll see what I’m talking about soon enough. Enjoy the 98-degree temperatures while you can.

On a related note, why does everyone say “Jesus Christ, it’s hot” and no one says “Satan, it’s hot”?

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell

8 May 2015 /
Satan

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Greetings from the underworld!

Friends have asked my opinion of the new Diablo hot sauce from Taco Bell . . .

  1. I love the name!
  2. You call that hot?!

See you in Hell . . .

Diablo


See You in Hell

26 Apr 2015 /
Satan

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Greetings from the underworld!

I see that Pope Francis put a bee in Turkey’s bonnet a couple of weeks ago by calling the mass killing of Armenians in 1915 a genocide. According to the Turks, the Vatican should look to its own history before casting stones. Tu quoque!

On that note, the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for Biography was just awarded to David I. Kertzer for The Pope and Mussolini: The Secret History of Pius XI and the Rise of Fascism in Europe. Historically, popes have been far more circumspect in condemning genocide and other atrocities when committed by countries willing to aggrandize the Church (or when committed by the Church itself!)

See you in Hell, clerics of all stripes . . .

Clerics


See You in Hell

31 Jan 2015 /
Satan

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Greetings from the underworld!

I just read about a father and son teaming up to punch out the son’s high school basketball coach because the teen wasn’t getting enough playing time.

Basketball duo

What a heartwarming story! A lot of young black men don’t have a male role model in their lives.

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell, Raisin Man

27 Jan 2015 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Greetings from the underworld!

We had a special arrival today! I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say, “There should be a special place in Hell for whoever decided to put raisins in trail mix.”

Everything in trail mix is crunchy, except the raisins. The raisins are like shock absorbers. You can’t crunch the crunchy stuff because your teeth get caught on the raisins.

Well, guess who’s here?

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell

26 Nov 2014 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

CLAYTON, Mo.— A grand jury declined to indict a white police officer in the shooting of an unarmed black teenager whose death in the St. Louis suburb of Ferguson became a national flash point on race, justice and policing.

WSJ.com

Greetings from the underworld!

  1. Why is Michael Brown always described as “an unarmed black teenager” rather than “a violent troublemaker” or “a current resident of Hell,” both of which are at least equally accurate?
  2. Anyone who thinks an unarmed person doesn’t pose a threat has never been punched in the face.
  3. If you have a gun and I don’t and you let me take the gun away from you, all of a sudden I’m not unarmed anymore.

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell, O Ye of Little Faith

14 Sep 2014 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Greetings from the underworld! I was catching up on Facebook this morning and saw that a woman is going in for brain surgery and her family and friends are asking for prayers for her recovery.

Isn’t that overkill — prayer and brain surgery? Why not just pray for her recovery and if she doesn’t make it, you chalk it up to God’s will?

Some “true believer” religions, e.g., the Christian Science church, do that. They believe more in prayer than in medicine. They decline medical care because they believe that God can heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons, etc. as he did in the Bible. These are the folks you hear about when they come up on criminal charges after refusing medical care for their seriously ill children and the children die.

Either God can cure a brain tumor or he can’t. Why ask a doctor to cure a brain tumor if you’ve already asked God to cure the brain tumor? Because when it comes down to matters of life and death, most people don’t really believe in God and prayer the way they believe in doctors.

Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?

See you in Hell . . .


See You in Hell, Carl Douglas

5 May 2014 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

“It put a smile on my face that finally [Donald Sterling] would be unable to deny the racist allegations against him,” said Carl Douglas, a lawyer who represented former Clippers general manager Elgin Baylor in a lawsuit against Sterling.

Carl Douglas is best known as a member of the O.J. Simpson defense team. O.J. Simpson has done some regrettable things, like murdering a couple of white people, but at least he’s never made negative remarks about Magic Johnson photos on Instagram.

See you in Hell . . .

P.S. Carl Douglas the lawyer should not be confused with Carl Douglas the “Kung Fu Fighting” singer. Him, I like.


See You in Hell

3 May 2014 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Congratulations, Americans! Your lives have become so trivialized that you think the most important issue facing your country is how many Magic Johnson photos get posted to Instagram.

See you in Hell . . .


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