Author Archive: Hostile Witness

Ban Dr. Seuss Before It’s Too Late

 

In Baltimore, there are 13 public high schools where zero percent of students can do math at grade level. There are six other city high schools where only 1 percent of students can do math at grade level. We must ban more Dr. Seuss books before these numbers get worse! Read more →

Why I Can’t Be a Liberal

 

I saw a couple of things trending on Twitter today . . . one was the death of Rush Limbaugh, and the other was “Rest in Piss,” a vulgarism that a lot of people were using to celebrate Limbaugh’s death. My own political views aren’t based on left or right, Democrat or Republican. They’re based mainly on freedom and self-reliance. If you can mind your own business, keep your hands to yourself and you’re not defrauding anyone, you can do anything you like, I don’t care. For example, if you want to have an abortion, if you want to marry someone of the same sex, go ahead. These views would align me with people on the left of the political spectrum. I’m also disgusted by the right-wing penchant to inject religion into politics. But I would never, never, never identify myself as liberal, as progressive . . . liberals are… Read more →

Hawaiian Shirts a Symbol of White Supremacy?

 

WOOF WOOF WOOF pic.twitter.com/h9f43D0dow — Woke Watchdog (@WokeWoofDog) January 9, 2021 My closet: P.S. I didn’t actually read the Hawaiian shirts article referenced above based on my policy of not reading articles where the headline sounds like absolute bullshit. Read more →

2 + 2 = 4. Discuss.

 

“The idea of 2 + 2 equaling 4 is cultural and because of western imperialism and colonization, we think of it as the only way of knowing.” “The idea that 2 + 2 equals 4 is cultural is also cultural. It just originated from a much more stupid culture. If you want to achieve anything in life, go with the idea that 2 + 2 equals 4.” Read more →

How Will the Media Treat President Biden?

 

Obviously the media hate Donald Trump but he has been sensational for ratings. Obviously the last four years of screaming partisan trainwreck reportage is interesting to some people. What will happen when (alleged) president-elect Biden takes over? Will we continue to get the same puff pieces we’ve been getting on him all year? He seems remarkably coherent today. What energy! Look at him go! I think he’s figured out how teleprompters work. Thank god he’s got the keys to the nuclear codes! Who’s going to watch that nonsense day after day? Nobody, is what I would assume. Will the press have to turn against Biden just to maintain ratings? I’m interested to see how that will play out. Read more →

New York Times Publishes True Story!

 

There was a story in the New York Times citing a recent scientific study which found that people can lose weight by exercising more. Stop the fucking presses! Follow the science! On the bright side, it may be the only factually accurate story the Times has published in the last four years. Possible follow-up: Is there scientific evidence that people can also lose weight by eating less? Read more →

People I Thought Were Dead

 

Jean-Luc Godard, film director, screenwriter Earl Holliman, actor Tony Kubek, baseball player and broadcaster Steve Lawrence, singer John le Carré, novelist Jill St. John, actress Clarence Williams III, actor Updates John le Carré, died 12/12/2020 Read more →

How is the Utah Monolith Like the 2020 Election?

 

If something is valuable — in the case of the monolith, because it became internationally famous — and unguarded, someone is going to steal it. Read more →

Unity For Biden

 

I recently heard Joe Biden giving a speech about “unity” . . . that’s what we need is somebody giving a speech about unity. Here’s the deal (as Joe would say): After spending the last year calling your opponent and his supporters Nazis, good luck with the fucking unity, pal . . . Read more →

Mail-In Ballots == Chaos

 

Whoever said that mail-in ballots would be a colossal fuck-up (I think it was Trump) was certainly right . . . When I went to bed Tuesday night, Trump was leading comfortably in virtually all undecided states. By the time I got up Wednesday morning, several of the counts had shifted to Biden. What happened in-between? Does that reflect mail-in counts? I live in California, so there’s never any doubt about which presidential candidate will carry the state, but I’m sure this is happening all over the country . . . I see stories on the local news where they send out a reporter to talk to people . . . “My dad got a ballot and he’s been dead for 10 years.” “I got two ballots sent to me with just a minor variation in my name.” “We got a ballot for someone who hasn’t lived in the house… Read more →

It’s Only Bad When Americans Die?

 

“More than 230,000 people have died from COVID! I hope everyone remembers that on Election Day!” “Are you suggesting Trump is responsible for the 230,000 deaths? He’s kept you alive. A dubious achievement, I grant you. But there’s about 330 million people in the US, so why not look at it that way? He’s kept almost 330 million people alive.” “I’ve kept myself alive. I wear a mask, wash my hands, social distancing . . .” “Sure, sure . . . are you saying we can choose whether or not to be infected? Everyone knows what’s safe and unsafe. Did the 230,000 people choose to get sick and die? Or did everyone who’s still here take care of themselves but all the deaths are on Trump? “And by the way, your death count is too low by about a million people. You’re citing the death count for one country. It’s… Read more →

A Child Rapist, A Human Trafficker and a Church Leader Walk Into a Bar

 

California judge tosses extortion charges against megachurch leader; child rape and human trafficking counts left in place — OC Register Who would you trust: a child rapist, a human trafficker or a church leader? The good news is you don’t have to choose because they’re all the same person. Read more →

Steve Scully: Ex-Debate Moderator or Lying Bastard?

 

No, Not Trump, Not Ever https://t.co/PFvHTeQSZu — Steve Scully (@SteveScully) March 18, 2016 Steve Scully was going to be the moderator of tonight’s now-cancelled presidential debate. I know a lot of people who think President Trump’s “fake news” feud with the media is based largely on his own paranoid imagination. But do you really think that a guy who has publicly stated that Donald Trump should never be president is a good choice to moderate a presidential debate in which one of the participants is Donald Trump? There wasn’t anyone a bit more impartial available? Wait, it gets better. While in college, Scully served as an intern for — wait for it — Sen. Joe Biden. OK, now for the coup de grâce! Today, C-SPAN suspended Scully indefinitely after he admitted to lying about his Twitter feed being hacked when he was confronted about a questionable exchange with former Trump… Read more →

I Don’t Think I Would Be Allowed to Run a Store

 

The convenience store where I buy sodas in the morning has literally four signs at the entrance saying wear a face covering if you come in the store. This morning a guy comes in with no face covering and a cup. The girl at the register says to him, “You can’t come in without a face covering.” “I’m just going to get a cup of water,” he says. So there’s another problem, which is that nobody knows the provenance of that cup and he’s going to push it into a public water dispenser. “You can’t be in here without a face covering,” the girl says a little more loudly. “I said I’m just going to get a cup of water!” Which he does. When I get to the register, I say to the girl, “I don’t think I could run a store because I would pick up the rifle that… Read more →

A Lot of Controversies Are Spoiled By a Guy Who Actually Know What He’s Talking About

 

I saw this headline today on theroot.com: A Judge Asked Harvard to Find Out Why So Many Black People Were In Prison. They Could Only Find 1 Answer: Systemic Racism The author of the article is someone named Michael Harriot, whose bio describes him as a “world-renowned wypipologist.” (Look it up.) The section that caught my attention was where the author proposes and rejects other explanations for the number of black people in prison. An excerpt: “White people make up roughly 74% of the Massachusetts population while accounting for 58.7% of cases in our data,” the study explained. “Meanwhile, Black people make up just 6.5% of the Massachusetts population and account for 17.1% of cases.” Of course, that could only mean that Black people commit much more crime, right? Nope. That’s it. No further explanation. No link to relevant data. Just “Nope.” I added a comment to the article: “Of… Read more →

Traffic Stops and Swimming Pools

 

We know that people can maintain an unshakable faith in any proposition, however absurd, when they are sustained by a community of like-minded believers. —Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow When I was younger (we’re all very well-behaved now 🙂 ), I had several friends and family members who had unpleasant run-ins with police, where they were cuffed or arrested or beaten, the common thread being not that they were black (they were all white), but they were all wise-asses who didn’t respect authority and couldn’t find it within themselves to be compliant to a police officer. One day my 9th-grade gym teacher told us (again, all white boys) to be excessively polite to police officers — yes sir, no sir — have your day in court if it came to that, but better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6. In my experience, the narrative that only… Read more →

Biden Blames Trump For Riots Carried Out by People Who Hate Trump

 

Joe Biden has emerged from his basement to blame President Trump for riots carried out by people who hate President Trump. Bear in mind that these are liberal groups, rioting in liberal cities, with liberal mayors, and liberal city councils, promoting radical liberal causes, and supported by liberal money. Amidst sinking poll numbers, Joe, the media and others on the left have pivoted from months of “Violence? What violence?” to “Rioting is terrible but it’s all Trump’s fault.” Read more →

“Mostly Peaceful”

 

Portland mayor says protesters are ‘attempting to commit murder’ and helping Trump’s reelection campaign — Los Angeles Times I’m not sure how those two things go together but look, Mr. Mayor (is this the “Summer of Love” mayor or is that in Seattle?), you’re not going out on a limb by taking a stand against murder. Pretty much everyone is opposed to murder. But if you’d enforced at some point over the last couple months the laws against lesser offenses like assault, theft and destruction of property, the state of affairs in your city wouldn’t have deteriorated to this point. You now look like a fool saying “Someone should do something about this!” Like who, the mayor? Read more →

Down in the Pleasure Center

 

What percentage of Americans get more pleasure from calling people racists than from having an orgasm? I’ll estimate 35 but I feel like that may be low . . . Read more →

People I Thought Were Dead

 

About 19 years ago, I published the first version of People I Thought Were Dead. As of yesterday, July 25, 2020, with the death of Olivia De Havilland of natural causes at the age of 104, all of those people are now actually deceased. Read more →

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