Author Archive: Lightning Epps

I Can’t See Anymore But I Am Still Handsome

6 Aug 2015 /

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

I’m almost 84 years old now in dog years. I can’t see anymore and my joints are not too good but aging doesn’t dampen the spirits of pugs like it does with people.

I can remember where things are in the house (unless someone moves them) so I can still walk around without bumping into a lot of things. The good thing is that I can sometimes smack into a door or a wall or a piece of furniture without affecting my handsome appearance because my face is flat already.

— Lightning paw

still-life-with-pug

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I Don’t Know How Starbucks Stays in Business

21 Jun 2015 /
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Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

On weekend mornings my owner goes to Starbucks and brings back a pup cup of whipped cream for me!

Today I noticed on my cup that if I don’t love my pup cup they’ll make me another one for free!

“The pup cups are always free,” my owner says. “You don’t have to tell them you didn’t love it to get a free one.”

I don’t know how Starbucks stays in business if they’re giving away the most delicious stuff for free.

— Lightning paw


I Will Show You How a Pug Eats an Ice Cream Cone

23 May 2015 /

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

There’s a funny video of dogs eating ice cream on the internet:

The puggle on the left is an embarrassment! What kind of dog eats ice cream like that? She would not last one day in the wild! Do beagles eat ice cream like that?

I am old and I can’t even see anymore so if there’s something in front of me I can’t tell what size or shape it is but when I decide that it’s edible I CHOMP on it!

— Lightning paw


Yes, I’m Ready for the Big Game!

1 Feb 2015 /

People keep asking me, “Lightning, are you ready for the Big Game?” OF COURSE I’M READY FOR THE BIG GAME! Look at me … how could I be any more ready than I already am?!

P.S. Wake me up if there are any pug commercials this year.

— Lightning paw

Lightning 2015-02-01


I Can Still Eat

5 Sep 2014 /

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! My owner bought each of us a chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A. He’s a fast eater but I ate my whole sandwich before he was even half way done with his!

I’m very old now. I can hardly see, hear or walk. But my eating ability has not dropped off AT ALL!

— Lightning paw

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Did Robin Williams Have a Dog?

13 Aug 2014 /

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

I’m seeing a person named Robin Williams on TV a lot. He always seems excited and happy, like a puppy! It’s scaring people that he ended his own life.

Dogs never end their own life, no matter what. You might think we couldn’t do that but we could run in front of a car or jump off a balcony, just to name a couple of things.

I wonder if Robin Williams had a dog . . .

My owner and I are getting old together. We can’t run like we used to, or see very well or hear very well. He’s sad about it sometimes but I think it helps people to see dogs trying our best in every situation. Everything is temporary.

— Lightning paw

On the Ottoman


A Pug Story

30 Jun 2014 /

Lightning Epps

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

My owner read me a story by Isaac Babel:

And Mimka arrived too, curled up on the sofa and fell asleep at once. She was a terrible sleepy-head, but a wonderful dog, good-hearted, sensible, small and pretty. Mimka was a pug-dog. Her coat was light in colour. Even in old age she never grew fat or flabby, never put on weight, but remained shapely and slender. She lived with us a long time, from birth to death, the whole of her fifteen years’ doggy life, and loved us — quite plainly, and most of all Grandmother, who was stern and without mercy to anyone. What friends they were, silent and secretive, I shall tell another time. It is a very good, touching and tender story.

Actually that was only part of the story but the rest was kind of boring and I don’t really remember it.

— Lightning paw


Fear of Lightning

30 Mar 2014 /

Is Fear of Lightning Normal?

Lightning Epps

Yes! Especially if you’re a dog!

Ordinarily, I’m very loving but I don’t put up with a lot of nonsense!

— Lightning paw

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Lightning’s 6 Keys to Marital Bliss

27 Oct 2013 /

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

Lightning at the Dog Park

What does a dog know about marriage is what you are probably asking yourself. Well, I know about lighthearted enjoyment of life and overcoming negativity, and negativity is a big problem in human relationships. That is what I see.

So here are my tips:

  1. Be positive and not negative. Remove all negativity. I have done this every day now for 10 years. You should start out and try for at least 30 days in a row.
  2. Show your partner every day that you love them and appreciate them.
  3. If your partner says or does something that you don’t understand, be curious about it and not judgmental.
  4. Make your partner feel completely safe around you.
  5. Have fun together.
  6. Be a predictable source of pleasure.

— Lightning paw


We Named the Dog “Indiana”

19 Oct 2013 /

Indiana Jones


Snakes. Why’d it Have to Be Snakes?

19 Oct 2013 /

Indiana Jones


I Killed a Guy in Florida

5 Sep 2013 /

Lightning in Florida

Lightning Epps

Hi everybody! it’s me, Lightning!

I knew I should have killed those two guys under the truck so there wouldn’t be any witnesses.

HA HA! Kidding! I wasn’t even in Florida!

— Lightning paw


A Lot on My Plate

25 Aug 2013 /
Lightning at the Dog Park

Hi, everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

I hear people say “I’ve got a lot on my plate” like it’s a bad thing. I LOVE to have a lot on my plate!

We’re talking about food, right?

— Lightning paw

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Hot August Morning

19 Aug 2013 /

It’s going to be another hot day! Not even 8 a.m. and I’m panting already!

— Lightning paw


Dogged by Protesters

15 Jun 2013 /

Obama dogged by protesters on bay visitSFGate

Dogged by protesters?! If he ever comes to Orange County, he’ll be PROTESTED BY DOGS!

My owner pays so many taxes that there’s hardly any money left for pug treats! :(

— Lightning paw

On the Ottoman


This Is My House

20 May 2013 /
My house

Hi, everybody! Here’s a picture of me taking a nap on my porch.

I know what you’re thinking: “Lightning, did you refinance to take advantage of the low interest rates?”

HAHA . . . I OWN THIS PLACE FREE AND CLEAR! IT’S PAID OFF!

— Lightning paw

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Happy Mothers Day!

12 May 2013 /

Hi Mom! It’s me, Lightning! Happy Mothers Day!

Sometimes I wonder if you’re still alive. I know you could be, even though I’m almost 70 years old myself.

Here’s a recent picture of me . . .

On the Ottoman

I’m taking a lot of naps now that I’m older. Although come to think of it, I took a lot of naps when I was younger too!

I can’t move my legs very well now — my back legs, mostly. They don’t hurt, but I can’t feel them very much and I can’t tell where they are. It’s funny that I used to be the fastest pug and now I’m the slowest.

I remember you told me that dogs teach people about two things:

  1. Unconditional love, and
  2. Nothing lasts forever. Everything ends so don’t take anything for granted, even for one day.

If you don’t hear from me next Mothers Day, it’s not because I forgot. If I go to heaven first, I’ll wait for you and we’ll all be together again!

Love,

Lightning paw


A Waiting Game

6 May 2013 /

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

I hate to admit it but I’m getting old. My mind is still sharp and I’m still handsome but I can’t move my legs very well anymore. I feel like pretty soon I won’t be able to move them at all and when that happens . . .

My owner promised to take care of me all the way so I’m not scared. He tells me he loves me. He never used to tell me that but I knew anyway.

He asked his wife the other day if it’s okay to say “Love you” to a dog. “It feels a little silly,” he said, “but maybe he understands it.”

I think he knows that our time together is almost over . . .

I love this ottoman!


Thirsty Pug

5 May 2013 /

It was hot here this week — in the 90s — so when my owner got home and gave me fresh water I was really thirsty!

— Lightning paw

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Advice From My Dad

1 Apr 2013 /
Taking a nap

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.

“If it’s not your tail,” he told me, “don’t wag it.”


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