Author Archive: Lightning Epps

I Killed a Guy in Florida


Hi everybody! it’s me, Lightning! I knew I should have killed those two guys under the truck so there wouldn’t be any witnesses. HA HA! Kidding! I wasn’t even in Florida! — Lightning Read more →

A Lot on My Plate


Hi, everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I hear people say “I’ve got a lot on my plate” like it’s a bad thing. I LOVE to have a lot on my plate! We’re talking about food, right? — Lightning Read more →

Hot August Morning


It’s going to be another hot day! Not even 8 a.m. and I’m panting already! — Lightning Read more →

Dogged by Protesters


Obama dogged by protesters on bay visit — SFGate Dogged by protesters?! If he ever comes to Orange County, he’ll be PROTESTED BY DOGS! My owner pays so many taxes that there’s hardly any money left for pug treats! 🙁 — Lightning Read more →

This Is My House


Hi, everybody! Here’s a picture of me taking a nap on my porch. I know what you’re thinking: “Lightning, did you refinance to take advantage of the low interest rates?” HAHA . . . I OWN THIS PLACE FREE AND CLEAR! IT’S PAID OFF! — Lightning Read more →

Happy Mothers Day!


Hi Mom! It’s me, Lightning! Happy Mothers Day! Sometimes I wonder if you’re still alive. I know you could be, even though I’m almost 70 years old myself. Here’s a recent picture of me . . . I’m taking a lot of naps now that I’m older. Although come to think of it, I took a lot of naps when I was younger too! I can’t move my legs very well now — my back legs, mostly. They don’t hurt, but I can’t feel them very much and I can’t tell where they are. It’s funny that I used to be the fastest pug and now I’m the slowest. I remember you told me that dogs teach people about two things: Unconditional love, and Nothing lasts forever. Everything ends so don’t take anything for granted, even for one day. If you don’t hear from me next Mothers Day, it’s not… Read more →

A Waiting Game


Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I hate to admit it but I’m getting old. My mind is still sharp and I’m still handsome but I can’t move my legs very well anymore. I feel like pretty soon I won’t be able to move them at all and when that happens . . . My owner promised to take care of me all the way so I’m not scared. He tells me he loves me. He never used to tell me that but I knew anyway. He asked his wife the other day if it’s okay to say “Love you” to a dog. “It feels a little silly,” he said, “but maybe he understands it.” I think he knows that our time together is almost over . . . Read more →

Thirsty Pug


It was hot here this week — in the 90s — so when my owner got home and gave me fresh water I was really thirsty! — Lightning Read more →

Advice From My Dad


In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. “If it’s not your tail,” he told me, “don’t wag it.” Read more →

I Love to Go to Starbucks!


I love to go to Starbucks! When we go to Starbucks, I get to have some whipped cream in a cup, which is called a pup cup. During the holidays, I get pup cups in the red holiday cups! My last video got 32 views, which my owner says is the most ever on YouTube except for Gangnam Style, which I don’t understand because I’ve seen that video and it’s stupid. — Lightning Read more →

Stick Throwing Leads to Tragedy


EUREKA, Calif. (AP) — A couple died and their 16-year-old son went missing after being swept into sea in Northern California while trying to save their dog, authorities said Sunday. The family was at Big Lagoon, a beach north of Eureka, Saturday afternoon when the dog chased after a thrown stick and got pulled into the ocean by eight to ten foot waves, said Dana Jones, a state Parks and Recreation district superintendent. — Couple swept to sea in effort to save son, dog – Yahoo! News Hi, everybody! It’s me, Lightning! Folks: Don’t throw sticks into 10-foot waves. I’m not a stick-chasing kind of dog myself, but some dogs, like retrievers, are just born to fetch things. They can’t help it. So it’s up to you, the owner, not to throw something where it’s not safe for the dog to be. Another thing: the dog in this case actually… Read more →

I Love Piano Music!


Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I love listening to piano music! Whenever someone at my house tickles the ivories, I like to curl up next to the bench and listen! Read more →



I’ve got good news and bad news . . . The good news is there’s a new TV network just for dogs called DOGTV! The bad news is the only thing I like to watch on TV is hockey and DOGTV doesn’t have hockey. 🙁 — Lightning Read more →

Happy Summer Solstice!


Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! Happy Solstice! Wait — what?! It was yesterday? Well . . . Happy Belated Solstice! — Lightning Read more →

Memorial Day


Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! It’s Memorial Day and I just wanted to say don’t forget dogs on Memorial Day because dogs also serve in the armed forces and sometimes they get killed but they also stop a lot of people from getting killed.   — Lightning Read more →

It’s Not Easy Being a Dog


I’m taking a nap upstairs but I’m hearing noises from downstairs. When I hear a noise, I have to estimate how likely it is to be food-related, and how likely it is if I get up and go downstairs I’ll be able to get some of it. I can stay right here and snooze. That’s a sure thing. Or I can go downstairs and try to get some food. But if I get up and go downstairs and I don’t get any food, then a good nap has been spoiled. I have to do this estimation every time I hear a noise. Being a dog is not as easy as people think. — Lightning Read more →

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