Author Archive: Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson: Snails, Coups and Fake News

 

My fellow Americans – I recently read that scientists at UCLA made snails “remember” things that never happened. Why am I not impressed? Snails?! We have fake news that makes people remember things that never happened. Remember the “attempted coup” at the U.S. Capitol last week? That never happened. That’s what the fake news called it: an “attempted coup.” What is a coup? Isn’t it overthrowing an existing government and replacing it with a new one? The government is not a building. It’s not a room. Stealing Nancy Pelosi’s lectern doesn’t make you the new leader of the country. It’s not that easy. We declared a coup in 1776. But we still had to fight a war for the next seven years to actually make it real. There was no coup or attempted coup at the U.S. Capitol. You just remember something that never happened. Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Founding Principles

 

My fellow Americans – In the aftermath of the recent unrest at the U.S. Capitol, I’m unpleasantly surprised by how many people believe they understand our country’s founding principles but in fact have no idea what they’re talking about. Truth: The founding fathers were a bunch of bad-asses who were ready to overthrow the government because it put a tax on their breakfast beverage — and it wasn’t even coffee. The founders were determined to have their concerns addressed by an unresponsive government one way or another. (Just bitching on Twitter until you got banned wasn’t an option in those days.) Yes, we are too obsessed today with mindless entertainment and gadgetry to stage an actual revolution, but that is what we celebrate on July 4: the violent overthrow of an unresponsive government. Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: I’m Spinning In My Grave

 

My fellow Americans – I read a Rasmussen report stating that 47% of voters think the presidential election was stolen via fraudulent behavior by Democrats. You might say, well, those 47% are just the Republican losers, but the numbers include 30% of Democratic voters and 39% of independents. Huge: "How likely is it that Democrats stole votes or destroyed pro-Trump ballots in several states to ensure that Biden would win?" Democrats – 30% – 20% say Very Likely (VL)Unaffiliated – 39% – 29% say VLRepublicans – 75% – 61% say VLAll Voters – 47% – 36% say VL https://t.co/NMDryxyLzq pic.twitter.com/EblRuV2AXY — Rasmussen Reports (@Rasmussen_Poll) November 20, 2020 As I understand it, on election night, ballot counters in several states (WI, MI, PA) all got tired at the same time, sent Republicans home, then caught a second wind and found hundreds of thousands of Biden ballots. If you think of it… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: It’s Not Over Till It’s Over

 

My fellow Americans – Call me crazy — Old Crazy Tom — but I still believe Donald Trump has a strong chance to overturn this election based on voter fraud. There are three prerequisites for a crime to take place: Motive, e.g., getting Hitler out of the White House. Opportunity, e.g., to lose ballots, to “find” ballots, to deliberately miscount ballots, to tamper with voting or vote-counting software, etc. A feeling that one can get away with it, or at least that it’s worth the risk. Numbers 1 and 2 are a slam dunk in this case. A lot of people would balk at number 3, but not everyone. Let’s dive a little deeper . . . Pennsylvania: I believe the Supreme Court has already instructed Pennsylvania to segregate ballots that came in late but were counted anyway. The obvious reason for that instruction is to retain the possibility of… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Why the Polls Are Wrong (Again)

 

My fellow Americans – The 2016 presidential election polls showing Hillary Clinton, the greatest candidate for any office in the history of candidates, with a 99 percent chance of winning were wrong, and the 2020 polls are wrong too, for the same reason which is . . . Ninety-plus percent of the news media is in the tank for the Democratic party. They don’t give you news, they give you the opinions they want you to have, and they hide anything they don’t want you to know. Hunter Biden? Never heard of him. A Cato Institute study found that 62 percent of Americans have political views they are afraid to share, including 77 percent of conservatives. There are a lot of “progressives” out there who’d like to see you dead if you’re not as loving as they are. Better to just keep your non-liberal opinions to yourself, including to pollsters.… Read more →

Read My Lips: No New Frackses

 

My fellow Americans – This Biden fellow is the biggest liar on two feet. I heard him on last night’s debate saying “I never said I oppose fracking.” “You said it on tape,” President Trump replied. “Show the tape!” Biden said angrily. “Put it on your website!” OK, first of all, here’s the tape: View this post on Instagram A post shared by President Donald J. Trump (@realdonaldtrump) on Oct 22, 2020 at 10:59pm PDT Second, Biden knows he said it, he knows he said it on tape . . . I’d seen the tapes many times myself. Why on God’s green earth would he stand there and not only lie about it but insist that his opponent produce a tape of him lying about it? It’s the most shameless thing I’ve ever seen! Given the audacity of it, do I believe he’s taken millions of dollars from foreign entities?… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Electoral Enthusiasm

 

My fellow Americans – I see a lot of enthusiasm on the part of people who want to vote against President Trump. I also see a lot of enthusiasm on the part of people who want to vote for President Trump. What I don’t see is even one person with any enthusiasm about voting for Joe Biden. I’d be more excited to vote for a tent pole than to vote for Biden. I’d be more excited to cast a vote for coronavirus than to vote for Biden. Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: You Don’t Need a Weatherman to Know Which Way the Electoral Wind is Blowing

 

My fellow Americans – Let me share with you something I read this morning: A new poll predicts a landslide victory for President Donald Trump this November. Trump leads Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden by 3 percentage points in the latest Democracy Institute/Sunday Express poll 48%-45%, with pollsters predicting Trump will rout Biden in delegates, 309-229, as the president holds a lead over the former vice president in the swing states of Florida, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin. — newsmax.com On Wednesday of this week, Joe Biden restated his support for peaceful protests but, crucially, for the first time, condemned the violence that has been going on for months under the banner of “protesting.” When a candidate changes his tune three quarters of the way through a race, it is not because he knows he holds a winning hand. It’s because the electoral ground is shifting beneath his feet. Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Why Trump Won and Will Again

 

My fellow Americans – George Orwell — a Brit, yes, and a socialist to boot, but also a man who looks more prescient by the day — used to say that if liberty means anything at all, it means the ability to tell people things they do not want to hear. The main reason Trump won in 2016 (and will again) is this: Many Americans see the progressive left as thought police, telling them what they can and can’t talk about, what they can say, what they can think, what words they can use, and calling them racists and Nazis if they don’t fall in line. There is a deep, deep resentment of that in our country and Trump is the person most determined to push back on it. Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Unity!

 

Donald Trump is the first president in my lifetime who does not try to unite the American people—does not even pretend to try. Instead, he tries to divide us. — Former Defense Secretary James Mattis My fellow Americans – That is the most ridiculous statement I’ve ever read about politics. The Democratic party platform, as I understand it, is: If you’re not white, you can’t make it in America because of racism. If you are white, you can’t make it because of One Percenters and Wall Street fat cats. If you’re a woman, you can’t make it because of sexism and misogyny. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. They’ve got race wars, class wars, culture wars, gender wars, all going on at the same time. It’s everybody against everybody. Unite us, indeed! Read more →

Joe Biden on Coronavirus, Ebola and (Not) Swine Flu

 

My fellow Americans – Another presidential election year is upon us! I saw one of the Democratic candidates, Sleepy Joe Biden, on the television talking about the current coronavirus outbreak with Jake Tapper, who asked him, “What, if anything, do you think you would be doing differently if you were president right now?” “I know what I would have done differently,” Biden exclaimed. “What we did in the Ebola crisis!” (The 2014-2016 Ebola outbreak was in Western Africa. The heroes of that story were the medical workers who actually went to Africa at the risk of their own lives to combat it.) Because Tapper, like the rest of the CNN punchinellos, is a Democratic water carrier, he refrained from expressing any astonishment regarding the irrelevance of the Ebola crisis, and also refrained from asking what would have been an obvious and good follow-up question: “According to the CDC, in the… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on John McCain

 

My fellow Americans – Like President Trump, I was not invited to any of the John McCain memorial services, so I offer my final thoughts here. McCain’s service to his country while being held as a POW in Vietnam was admirable beyond measure. Because his father was commander of all U.S. forces in the Vietnam theater, the Vietnamese offered to release McCain, not as a gesture of mercy, but as a propaganda coup, and to show other POWs that members of the elite were willing to be treated preferentially. McCain stated that he would only accept the offer if every man captured before him was released as well. This enraged the Vietnamese, and McCain’s subsequent five years as a POW went very badly for him, as he doubtlessly knew they would. Liberals have been very kind to McCain this week because 1) he’s dead, and 2) he was an enemy… Read more →

“Why Do I Believe What I Believe?”

 

My fellow Americans – About 20 people showed up for Unite the Right last weekend. That would be a disappointing turnout for a pancake breakfast sponsored by the local softball league, let alone a national rally in Washington, DC. White supremacy is like the Flat Earth Society, not non-existent, but extremely marginal. It’s a boogeyman to scare people about things that are not real. A good question to ask is “Why do I believe what I believe?” For example, “Why do I believe in a resurgence of white supremacy when only 20 people in a nation of 300 million can be persuaded to show up at a rally?” Possible answers include “I saw it on the internet” or “I heard it on TV.” These are perhaps not good answers, in that they open us up to manipulation for political gain, financial gain, and increased readership and viewership. Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Jim Acosta vs. Ernie Pyle

 

My fellow Americans – I see that journalists are now positioning themselves as putting their lives on the line for America. Some poor fool at CNN was afraid of being murdered when he showed up at a Trump rally and people chanted “CNN sucks!” He’s not exactly Ernie Pyle, is he? A CNN reporter at a Trump rally is like a guy wearing a Yankees jersey to a Red Sox game. “You suck” doesn’t mean “I want to murder you.” I have never heard anyone advocating violence against journalists except other journalists. It’s all they talk about. There’s going to be violence against journalists! Our lives are in jeopardy! In the event of violence against journalists, no one will happier than journalists, because they will blame it on President Trump. Meanwhile, in a journalistic spirit of peace and rapprochement, the New York Times has just added a woman to its… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Why I Don’t Wear a MAGA Hat

 

Folks mad that I said kid who lost his MAGA cap and a drink thrown on him got off easy. I just think he learned a valuable lesson in personal responsibility. You want to offend, be prepared to face the consequences. — Mike Stuchbery ?? (@MikeStuchbery_) July 6, 2018 My fellow Americans — This is why we fought a war to get away from the goddamn Brits. I would personally not wear a MAGA hat in public for the reason cited, i.e., Trump opponents seem to be violent and easily triggered. That said, if your idea of a good time is to steal a kid’s hat and throw a soda in his face, you should probably shut up about the tolerance and mental stability of others until you get your own shit together. As for lessons in personal responsibility, the drink thrower is now in jail. He who laughs last,… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Separating Babies and Mothers

 

My fellow Americans — Separation of families at the border was going to be a great election issue for Democrats until fate intervened in the form of Justice Kennedy announcing his retirement from the Supreme Court. Most of the people outraged by border separations are also afraid of losing a key Supreme Court swing vote, particularly on the issue of abortion. Unfortunately, Democrats have standardized on a needlessly violent metaphor — “ripping” — to talk about family separations. A representative example: As a career prosecutor, I actually went after gangs and transnational criminal organizations. That's being a leader on public safety. What is not, is ripping babies from their mothers. pic.twitter.com/WyyHU3U7jE — Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) July 2, 2018 Now that abortion has again become a leading national issue, the Republican talking points re “ripping babies from their mother” write themselves. Footnote: In apprehending and prosecuting people who committed crimes, one… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson Explains Family Separations

 

My fellow Americans — The reason families are separated at the border is that the United States, like many countries, has laws governing border crossings by non-residents. When an adult is apprehended crossing our border illegally, they go into the criminal justice system and are placed in a detention center. Keep in mind that an American citizen apprehended in the commission of a crime is not processed any differently. If you are placed in a detention center, I assure you that your children will not be in there with you. A note on rhetoric: A strong line of argument should not require violent metaphors and manufactured hysteria — families “ripped apart,” children “torn from their mother’s arms” — to be persuasive. Read the Declaration of Independence, for example. Read more →

You Can’t Tell the Nazis Without a Scorecard

 

If you see anybody from that Cabinet in a restaurant, in a department store, at a gasoline station, you get out and you create a crowd and you push back on them, and you tell them they’re not welcome anymore, anywhere. — Maxine Waters And they should be made to wear armbands so they’re easier to identify! It’s getting to where you can’t tell the Nazis without a scorecard. Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Animals, Not People

 

My fellow Americans — I heard or read the Trump sound bite — “These are not people. These are animals.” — several times this week, always with no context to clarify who or what the pronoun “these” refers to. I plan to use that line next time I visit the National Zoo. It’s going to be hilarious. Listeners and readers were invited to apply the broadest possible interpretation, i.e., Trump said immigrants are animals. He was reviled by people who relied on the short, skewed attention span of the American public to avoid facing the regrettable fact that they use the same “dehumanizing” language themselves. This doesn’t work as well as it did before Twitter became an online memory bank for better or worse. For example, here is CNN “journalist” Ana Navarro: Once it became widely known that Trump was referring specifically to MS-13 gang members, Nancy Pelosi and other… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Bush 41 Calls Trump a “Blowhard”

 

Stinging rebuke from a one-term president who won the White House on the coattails of Ronald Reagan! Read my lips: Hurry up and die. I dislike Republicans and Democrats equally. It’s a choice between which gang of thieves you want to be robbed by. Elect a Democratic president and get four years of trench warfare against Republicans. Elect a Republican president and get four years of trench warfare against Democrats. One of the things I like about President Trump: Democrats don’t like him, Republicans don’t like him, nobody likes him except the people who voted for him, and that’s enough. Read more →

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