EppsNet Archive: Shopping

Woke White Boy: Giving Tuesday


I wanted to remind you that today is “Giving Tuesday,” a day set aside every year to interrupt the Christmas shopping blitz so that Americans like you can give to non-profit causes like attacking free enterprise, capitalism, freedom of expression, religious values, and everything that makes America remarkable. Please fight back. — WWB Read more →

You’re Not Gonna Like the Way You Look


I went for what I thought would be a quick stop at Men’s Wearhouse to buy a tie. The salesman informed me that they were selling ties on a “buy one, get one free” basis. The selection wasn’t very good in my opinion. I picked out one tie I liked and spent another 30 minutes trying to find a second tie that I wouldn’t feel bad being seen in. Several times I was on the verge of checking out with just the one tie but it just didn’t feel right to pass up a free tie. Read more →

Mistaken Identity


I’m walking through the parking lot at Kohl’s when all of a sudden, the rear hatch on an SUV pops open next to me, even though there’s no one in or around the vehicle. Then I notice several cars further down is a similar-looking SUV and a woman with an armful of parcels trying to figure out why it won’t open. Read more →

A Coupon for a Nonexistent Product


There’s a guy in the Personal Care department at Target handing out coupons for women’s hair brushes . . . One woman takes the coupon and comes back a minute later to ask where that particular type of hair brush is located. “We’re out of them,” the guy says matter-of-factly. “Why don’t you just go home then?” she asks as she hands the coupon back to him and walks away. “I can’t. But we’ll have more in later this week,” he calls after her. “It’s not like the coupon is worthless.” Read more →

Japan, Day 7: Ginza


Ginza Ginza is one of the best-known shopping districts in the world, with numerous department stores, boutiques, restaurants and coffee houses. One of our favorite stores was the 12-floor UNIQLO. They’re coming to Orange County this fall! Read more →

Customer Undertone at the Furniture Store


If we spend enough money on home decorations, maybe we’ll finally have a chance to be happy . . . Read more →

EppsNet at the Movies: Arthur Christmas


Now I know how Santa delivers all the presents in one night! By the way, if you like to avoid the crowds, Thanksgiving night is a great time to go to the movies! Everyone’s either in a food coma or resting up for Black Friday shopping. We went to the 9:30 show at the Irvine Marketplace. There was no ticket line, no one in the lobby, one girl working the box office and one at the snack bar. The box office girl had to work double because there was no ticket taker on duty. Instead of just selling the tickets and handing them to us, she also tore them in half and said, “You’re in Theater 2.” “We’re in Theater 2,” I repeated for the boy’s benefit. “Are you sure she didn’t say we’re the only two people in the theater?” he asked. Recommended! Read more →

Checking Out


“Thank you for shopping at Staples.” “Oh, thanks. That was easy. Has anyone else ever said that?” Read more →

My Son Says He Needs a New Watch


As we’re passing a watch shop in the Buffalo airport, my son, age 15, says, “That reminds me — I need a new watch.” I say, “Why do you need a new watch? When we were getting my watch, you told me you already had a cool watch.” “When was that?” “I don’t remember but it wasn’t that long ago.” “I didn’t say my watch was cool,” he says. “I just said your watch was lame.” Read more →

How Korean Markets Keep Prices Low


My wife’s in a great mood. She’s just back from grocery shopping at the local Korean market, where fresh produce is sold cheaply. “Guess how much for these,” she says excitedly, holding up a package of eggs. “How many are there?” “Twenty.” I haven’t bought eggs in years so I have no idea how much they cost. I’m thinking of guessing $1.99 but I don’t want to undershoot the real price and take all the fun out of it for her. “Two ninety-nine,” I say. “Ninety-nine cents!” She’s now holding up a small carton of fruit. “How much for these?” she asks. “What are those?” “Boysenberries.” “Ninety-nine cents,” I say, since that was the right answer on the eggs. “Thirty-three cents! How can they sell this stuff so cheap?” “They sneak around local farms by night, stealing eggs and boysenberries. It’s the only possible explanation.” Read more →

Shopping for Watches


I’m at Target shopping for a new watch. My son is with me. He’s 15 years old. “Bah,” he says, sizing up the display. “Where’s the platinum stuff?” “Look,” I say, “all I need here is an inexpensive watch that’ll tell me what time it is.” A guy behind us chortles. He knows what I’m talking about; he’s browsing through a rack of $19 Ray-Ban knockoffs. “Buy what you want then,” the boy says. “But my watch is very attractive to the ladies.” “What kind of watch do you have?” He’s not wearing one so I have to ask. “I’ll give you a hint,” he says. “It starts with an ‘R.’” “Very funny. What kind of watch do you have?” “OK, it’s a Casio. But it’s got a really cool band.” Read more →

A Father-Son Day


Everyone’s got armbands and 3-D glasses . . . — Elvis Costello Irvine schools are on spring break this week. I took a day off for father-son activities with my boy, age 15. As we were driving back from lunch at Wingstop, I said, “You want to see Monsters vs. Aliens in 3-D IMAX?” “Not particularly,” he said. I’d already decided that I did want to see it so I got off at the Irvine Spectrum exit. “I guess this means we’re going to see it,” he said. “You know what they say: Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time, but regret for the things we didn’t do is inconsolable.” “Oh shut up, Sophocles. It’s a movie for two-year-olds.” “No it isn’t. There’s a giant girl in it. It looks cool.” “I’ll be the combined age of everyone else in the theater.” We got there a… Read more →

Girls are a Distraction


My son’s looking forward to February when his braces come off . . . “Throw some Crest whitening strips on there and the sky’s the limit as far as girlfriends are concerned,” he says. “Girls are a distraction right now,” his mom says. “You need to focus on academics.” “Mom’s right,” I say. “Having a wife or a girlfriend is like taking a 5-year-old to the mall. You can’t go as fast as you want to because the 5-year-old can’t keep up the pace. And you’re not going to be able to accomplish the things you want to accomplish . . .” “Don’t give the boy a bad attitude,” she says. “. . . because the 5-year-old is . . .” “Whatever you’re going to say . . .” “. . . monopolizing your attention . . .” “. . . don’t say it.” “. . . with her juvenile… Read more →