EppsNet Archive: Soda

College Student Dumps Drink on Lakers Fans Who Sat for the National Anthem

16 Oct 2017 /

I like to see kids taught not to do something just because other people are doing it . . .

Income Inequality Explained

23 Aug 2016 /

I saw this sign at a gas station soda fountain . . .

Don't fill cups with the lid on

A Brutally Honest Tagline

18 Mar 2016 /

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Michael Bloomberg

11 Mar 2016 /
Michael Bloomberg

Michael Bloomberg decides against run for presidentCNN Money

The only thing I know about Bloomberg’s political career is that he banned the sale of large cups of soda in New York. Forget that I think drinking large cups of soda is one of the great pleasures of life, anyone who can’t mind his own goddamn business a little better than that, anyone who considers himself entitled and qualified to tell people what to do with their lives at that kind of a micro level, should be beaten with sticks, not elected to public office.

What would he do as president, institute a national bedtime?

Lesson Learned at the Drive-Thru

21 Aug 2015 /

Del Taco cup

This Coke Zero I got at the Del Taco drive-thru tastes more like root beer than any other Coke Zero I’ve ever had. Possibly the guy in front of me or behind me is wondering right now why his root beer tastes like Coke Zero.

Note to self: In future visits to fast food drive-thrus, take a sip of the drink before driving off with it.

The Day is Off to a Disappointing Start

11 Feb 2015 /

Del Taco in Denton, TX

After I already ordered and paid for my breakfast taco and extra large Diet Pepsi at Del Taco, the girl informs me that they’re out of extra large cups.

“I can’t believe it,” she says. “And I already charged you for it!”

“Hmmm . . . just give me a large then, if you have any large cups around.”

“I’m so sorry. Next time you’re here, I’ll give you a free one.”

“The extra large soda really holds the whole morning together for me.”

“I know, I’m a big soda drinker myself. My boyfriend is too and so is my dad. He lives on extra large sodas.”

“Drinking extra large sodas is one of the great pleasures of life, in my opinion.”

“The large cup feels small in your hand, doesn’t it?”

“It does. I like things that feel big in my hand.”

Very disappointing. This never happens at Taco Bell . . .

Regrets, I’ve Had a Few

9 Feb 2014 /

I had three boxes of Coke Zero at the self-checkout. After I took each one out, scanned it and put it back in the cart, I realized that I could have just taken one box out and scanned it three times.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda . . .

This Diet Pepsi tastes like paint thinner. If this is my last update ever, I love you guyzzz . . .

Posted by on 6 Dec 2011

I Remember it Had a Yammy Aftertaste

1 Jul 2009 /

Sweet Potato Slice is recalled in Canada

Living on the Edge

16 Feb 2009 /
Diet Pepsi can

I’ve just poured myself a Diet Pepsi when my son announces that diet sodas are unhealthy.

“They add things to the diet sodas so they’re even more unhealthy than regular sodas.”

I ask him, “What do they add?”

“I didn’t get that far into it,” he says, “The article started to get boring.”

“In that case, I’m going to go ahead and drink this thing.”

A Couple of Tips on Bad Parenting

2 Apr 2008 /

1. Give your son a fashionable name like Tanner, Braden or Travis. You can handicap a child for life with a goofy name. You can give him a sorry start from which he’ll never recover. By the way, you know what’s a good name? Paul. Paul is a name that’s stood the test of time. It dates back to the Bible . . .

Tanner is not even a name. Braden is not a name. Travis is a name, but it’s a hillbilly name, like Zeke. If you’re tempted to name your boy Travis, go ahead and name him Zeke.

2. Use up your moral authority on things of no importance. I was in Subway this afternoon and heard a man telling his kids, “No soda. You’ve had too much soda lately.” It turns out by soda, he meant cola, because he let the kids fill up their drinks with a mixture of Sprite and Hi-C.

First of all, cola is not bad for kids, certainly no worse than Sprite or Hi-C. I drank about four colas a day as a kid — still do, although now I occasionally pour some rum or bourbon in them, which I don’t recommend for the kiddies. As for Hi-C, I’d rather drink water from the sewer.

Second point: it’s micromanagement. Nobody, including your own child — especially your own child — wants to listen to you tell them what to do every minute. They’re going to tune you out. So by the time you finish telling them what to drink, what to eat, what to wear, and get around to something important, nobody’s listening anymore . . .