EppsNet Archive: Teeth

Anything Bothering You?


“Anything new?” the dental hygienist asks. “Anything bothering you?” “Oh my god yes,” I reply. “The media coverage of Trump, for one thing.” “I meant with your teeth,” she says. “Oh my teeth are fine.” Read more →

At the Dentist


“Any pain or sensitivity?” the hygienist asks. “Oh my gosh yes . . . wait, you mean in my teeth?“ Read more →

Are You Experienced?


I got my teeth whitened today. Ah, vanitas vanitatum! “Have you done this before?” the esthetician asked me. “No . . . have you?” Read more →

Twitter: 2009-08-18


If you can substitute toothpaste for spackle, can you substitute spackle for toothpaste? Might be good for whitening your teeth… # RT @paulandstorm: [S] Today's trillion-dollar idea: patent the concept of "technology" # Read more →

Girls are a Distraction


My son’s looking forward to February when his braces come off . . . “Throw some Crest whitening strips on there and the sky’s the limit as far as girlfriends are concerned,” he says. “Girls are a distraction right now,” his mom says. “You need to focus on academics.” “Mom’s right,” I say. “Having a wife or a girlfriend is like taking a 5-year-old to the mall. You can’t go as fast as you want to because the 5-year-old can’t keep up the pace. And you’re not going to be able to accomplish the things you want to accomplish . . .” “Don’t give the boy a bad attitude,” she says. “. . . because the 5-year-old is . . .” “Whatever you’re going to say . . .” “. . . monopolizing your attention . . .” “. . . don’t say it.” “. . . with her juvenile… Read more →