March 2013

Overheard at the Walmart Jewelry Counter

 

An elderly gentleman is talking with the store manager . . . “Melissa,” he says, referring to the woman working the jewelry counter, “was so friendly and helpful to me. Any jewelry store would be happy to have her — even Zales.” Read more →

Our Children Can Drink Water From Broken Bowls

 

We must make do with today’s Happenings, and stoop and somehow glue together The silly little shards of our lives, so that Our children can drink water from broken bowls, Not from cupped hands — Nuala Ní Dhomhnaill, “Aubade” Read more →

Socrates’ Apology

 

When my sons are grown up, I would ask you, O my friends, to punish them; and I would have you trouble them, as I have troubled you, if they seem to care about riches, or anything, more than about virtue; or if they pretend to be something when they are really nothing . . . And if you do this, I and my sons will have received justice at your hands. The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways — I to die, and you to live. Which is better God only knows. — Apology Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Diversity Flacks

 

A new study from the American Council on Education shows that the percentages of black, Asian and Hispanic provosts have declined over the past five years. The Chronicle of Higher Education reports this story under the headline “Falling Diversity of Provosts Signals Challenge for Presidential Pipeline, Study Finds.” FALLING DIVERSITY! LOOK OUT BELOW! Ha ha . . . but seriously, who even knows what a provost is? I don’t. I’ve vaguely heard of it as an academic job title but that’s about it. I know that Jon Provost played little Timmy on the Lassie TV series. I know that Marie Prevost was a one-time Mack Sennett bathing beauty and leading lady in the 1920s whose screen glory had faded by the time she died of acute alcoholism in a small Hollywood apartment at the age of 38. By the way, I notice that Asian students are continuing to excel, even… Read more →

The Epps Ratio

 

There should be some way to measure a person’s need to be heard against the value of what they have to say. This measure should be calculated automatically and be available online, like a Klout score. If anyone figures out a way to do this, please call it the Epps Ratio, because it was my idea. Value should be the numerator, so an Epps Ratio greater than or equal to 1.0 would be considered good, and obviously the higher the better. There should be an API so a person’s Epps Ratio can be accessed and displayed along with any online content they create . . . Read more →

EppsNet Book Reviews: The Black Echo by Michael Connelly

 

“Did you ever hear what J. Edgar Hoover said about justice?” she asked. “He probably said a lot, but I don’t recall any of it offhand.” “He said that justice is incidental to law and order.” — Michael Connelly, The Black Echo I love detective fiction — especially L.A. detective fiction — but like every other kind of niche fiction, it’s almost all rubbish. The Black Echo is an exception to the rule. I have just a couple of things to take exception to: Detectives should NEVER have a love interest. They should always be loners (cf. Sherlock Holmes, Philip Marlowe). [SPOILER ALERT] It is absolutely impossible that Rourke wouldn’t know who Eleanor Wish is. He works for the FBI. The Federal Bureau of INVESTIGATION. He’s an INVESTIGATOR. And he knows nothing about this woman? Not even her maiden name? P.S. Don’t tell me about Linda Loring in the last two… Read more →

Engineering Humor

 

An engineer walks into a bar and orders 1.0E20 root beers. Bartender: “That’s a root beer float.” Engineer: “Make it a double.” [HT: Scott Hanselman] Read more →

Generalists Are Better Than Specialists

 

People ask me what is my “specialty” in software development. My specialty, if I have one, is in not having a specialty. I feel like I can contribute on any task. That answer throws people off. They repeat the question, explaining that everyone is best at something. Managers especially like the idea of specialists because it simplifies the assignment of work: UI tasks go to the UI guys (or gals), SQL tasks go to the SQL guys, middle-tier tasks go to the middle-tier guys, and so on. Before launching my illustrious career in software development, I worked on a union construction site. Everyone’s job was defined in excruciating detail — what each union member could and couldn’t do. For example, if we needed to move a pallet from here to there, we had to find a teamster to drive the forklift. There were a few exceptions to that rule, depending… Read more →

Two Kinds of People

 

There are two kinds of people in the world: People who, when having a disagreement with their spouse, are more likely to give a thoughtful response that helps the situation. People who, when having a disagreement with their spouse, are more likely to do or say something that makes the situation worse. Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

 

I am sick unto death of recruiters with titles like Director of Talent Acquisition or Executive in Intellectual Capital Development . . . Read more →

High Dropout Rates for STEM Majors is NOT a Problem

 

The University of Colorado has a $4.3 million grant to research the “problem” of 40 to 60 percent attrition rate among STEM (science, technology, engineering and math) majors. Someone is missing an obvious point here, which is that there should be a large dropout rate for STEM majors. Incompetent technologists and engineers create disasters. The music department, the English department, the philosophy department, etc., etc., can graduate their incompetent students without worrying that they’re going to build a collapsing bridge, blow up a space shuttle, disintegrate a Mars orbiter — you get the idea . . . Read more →

Thousand Oaks

 

“Do you know how to get there?” “No. Did you bring the map?” “No.” “Didn’t you say before we left that you’d printed a map?” “I said I printed it but I didn’t say I was going to bring it along.” “Oh . . . well, we can call when we get out there. I know how to get to Thousand Oaks, I just don’t remember how to get to their house.” “Do you know the offramp from the freeway?” “Yes.” “So it can’t be too complicated then. I saw on the map it was just lefts and rights.” “Uh, isn’t any route to anywhere just lefts and rights?” Read more →

Listen to me for a day . . . an hour! . . . a moment! lest I expire in my terrible wilderness, my lonely silence! O God, is there no one to listen? — Seneca, 4 BC

Dare to Be Wise

 

Sapere aude! Have courage to use your own understanding. — Immanuel Kant Read more →

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