Plans for My Lottery Winnings

Mega Millions

The Mega Millions jackpot is up to $586 million. I bought two tickets at the gas station where I buy sodas every morning.

“I hope I don’t have to split it,” I said to the guy. “I want the whole $500 million.”

“What are you going to do with all that money?” he asked.

“First of all, I’m going to buy a new cup for my sodas every morning, instead of bringing the old cups back in for the refill price.”

“That’s it?”

“I’ll also be a lot harder to get along with at the office. No more Mr. Nice Guy.”

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