The Mega Millions jackpot is up to $586 million. I bought two tickets at the gas station where I buy sodas every morning.
“I hope I don’t have to split it,” I said to the guy. “I want the whole $500 million.”
“What are you going to do with all that money?” he asked.
“First of all, I’m going to buy a new cup for my sodas every morning, instead of bringing the old cups back in for the refill price.”
“I’ll also be a lot harder to get along with at the office. No more Mr. Nice Guy.”