I went into a local Circle K to buy a soda . . . they have one of those “double wide” soda machines with ice dispensers on both sides.
When I went in, there was already a middle-aged gentleman filling up a Mountain Dew on the right side of the fountain, which he then set down well off to his left and started filling up another Mountain Dew.
His first Mountain Dew was so far left, it was actually past the left side ice dispenser. I picked out a cup and started filling it with ice from the left-hand ice dispenser, which for some reason he took exception to.
“Do you mind, buddy?” he said.
“Do you really need the whole width of the store just to fill up a drink cup?” I asked. Politely, of course.
He picked up his first Mountain Dew and moved it over closer to where he was actually standing.
I told my wife about this and she asked what I was going to do if the guy had responded more aggressively.
“Oh, I had it all planned out. I was going to throw my cup of ice in his face and while he was staggering backward, start raining blows down his midline.”
“What if that didn’t work?”
“It’ll work. I read about how to do it in a book.”
“But what if it didn’t work?”
“I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” I admitted.