EppsNet Archive: Christmas

Top 5 Creepy and Sexist Christmas Songs

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Maybe you can use them as a way to engage in a conversation about sexism with your friends and family over the holidays! For example, it is NOT okay to suggest that all a woman wants for Christmas is a man (I’m looking at you, Mariah Carey). Or that women are materialistic and shallow and want lots of accoutrements. Except earrings, obviously. Read more →

Merry Christmas, Everybody!

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We had a few friends over to celebrate. Nothing fancy . . . Read more →

Beware of Chest Physicians Bearing Gifts

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I work for a healthcare organization. In the lunch room today was one of those cylinders full of caramel corn and cheese corn that turn up everywhere around the holidays. This one had a note attached: Compliments of your colleagues at the American College of Chest Physicians. Are caramel corn and cheese corn good for cardiac health? They’ve gotta be terrible, right? Beware of chest physicians bearing gifts! CARDIOLOGIST: Who referred you to our office? PATIENT: I saw your name on a container of cheese corn. CARDIOLOGIST: Ha ha, yeah, those things pay for themselves a million times over in stents and angioplasties. Read more →

EppsNet at the Movies: Arthur Christmas

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Now I know how Santa delivers all the presents in one night! By the way, if you like to avoid the crowds, Thanksgiving night is a great time to go to the movies! Everyone’s either in a food coma or resting up for Black Friday shopping. We went to the 9:30 show at the Irvine Marketplace. There was no ticket line, no one in the lobby, one girl working the box office and one at the snack bar. The box office girl had to work double because there was no ticket taker on duty. Instead of just selling the tickets and handing them to us, she also tore them in half and said, “You’re in Theater 2.” “We’re in Theater 2,” I repeated for the boy’s benefit. “Are you sure she didn’t say we’re the only two people in the theater?” he asked. Recommended! Read more →

Christmas in Las Vegas

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My son makes the observation that there are no balconies in Las Vegas hotels. We’ve got a room on the 24th floor of Bellagio, overlooking the fountains, which allows me to visually scan other hotels up and down the strip, and by god I think the boy is right. Am I the only person who didn’t know that? Of course it makes perfect sense once someone points it out. The Vegas mindset requires that a disproportionate amount of attention be directed to winners . . . lights flashing, bells ringing, people screaming with glee . . . meanwhile, 99 other people are silently losing their ass. Clearly it’s going to put a damper on things to have the losers flinging themselves off the balconies of high-rise hotels. Read more →

A Sherlock Holmes Christmas

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My kid comes home and sees three newly wrapped Christmas presents . . . “That’s a book,” he says, pointing at one of the presents. Then moving on to the other two: “I don’t know what that is, and I don’t know what that is. I’m on to you guys.” “What are you on to?” I ask. “The fact that you don’t know what’s going on? You only got one thing out of three. Nice work, Sherlock Holmes.” “The clues don’t always come all at once,” he says. “I’m a third of the way there.” Read more →

Twitter: 2010-11-22

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RT @eddiepepitone: Eating blocks of cheese to fend off despair while the wife plots my death. It must be sunday. # RT @serafinowicz: "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, I died." # Read more →

Regarding My Behavior at Last Night’s Holiday Party

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I was somewhat drunk and somewhat belligerent — although in my defense, I’m somewhat belligerent even when sober — but I did not get so drunk that I wound up vomiting on the host’s front lawn like some people I could mention because really — aren’t we all getting a little too old for that kind of thing? Read more →

Twitter: 2009-12-09

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RT @smithsonian: How about a slide show of artists’ homemade holiday cards? http://ow.ly/Ki2k # Read more →

Twitter: 2009-12-06

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RT @OCWeekly: Tired of KOST? Here's 10 Christmas songs that don't suck: Flaming Lips, Pogues, Kinks, Low… & Eazy-E? http://bit.ly/65buaX # Read more →

A Box of Pears

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We’re having an extended family holiday get-together today, including a gift exchange. My wife did the gift shopping. She’s passive-aggressive about it because she really believes that other family members, especially my mom, use the holidays to clean unwanted items out of their closets, wrap them up and give them to us as Christmas presents. I’ve explained to her that these people simply don’t have any style or taste, so even those these are items that you would stuff in the back of a closet, they actually see them as pretty nice gifts. Here’s a rundown on what she bought this year: My ex-sister-in-law is getting a box of Harry & David pears, normally $40 but obtained at a deep discount. My great uncle is getting a box of pears. My parents and my sister’s family — a box of pears. “And the best thing,” she says, “is it says… Read more →

Christmas Cookies

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My wife and son brought home some Pillsbury cookie dough sheets (see photo) but we’ve got a problem. Even though the packaging shows cookies with festive holiday shapes (“I want the ones shaped like Christmas trees,” my son says), the sheets are not pre-cut, and we don’t have cookie cutters. I say, “It looks like what you’re going to get are cookies shaped like rectangles.” Read more →

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