EppsNet Archive: Daughters

How I Married My Mother

Oklahoma mom who once married her son will now go to jail for marrying her daughter — Fort Worth Star-Telegram Mom is being jailed for felony incest. I think we can all agree that marrying the son was a wrong thing to do, but I thought incest requires sexual intercourse. The two women are adults, there’s no child abuse, there… Read more →

To the Daughter I Never Had

Take control of your own impulses, conflicts and disappointments. Don’t forfeit your freedom and independence in exchange for intrusion into and adjudication of your private life and penalizing of men who did something you didn’t like. Also: Dress appropriately. Maintain some mystique and intrigue. Don’t feel like you have to link up with another person until you’ve got some idea… Read more →

Debbie Reynolds, 1932-2016

Did Debbie Reynolds Die of a Broken Heart? — The New York Times Debbie Reynolds died one day after her daughter, Carrie Fisher. Correlation doesn’t imply causation blah blah blah but outliving a child must be an unbearable tragedy . . . RIP Debbie Reynolds Read more →

Carrie Fisher, 1956-2016

She died from complications of cardiac arrest. Her mother, Debbie Reynolds, is 84 years old and still alive. If I believed in God, I would pray to him that I do not outlive my child . . . My main, and perhaps only, contribution in life is raising a son who surpasses me on every conceivable metric, so that when… Read more →

For My Daughter

When I die choose a star and name it after me that you may know I have not abandoned or forgotten you. You were such a star to me, following you through birth and childhood, my hand in your hand. When I die choose a star and name it after me so that I may shine down on you, until… Read more →

The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates

“Do not ride your bicycle around the corner,” the mother had told the daughter when she was seven. “Why not!” protested the girl. “Because then I cannot see you and you will fall down and cry and I will not hear you.” “How do you know I’ll fall?” whined the girl. “It is in a book, The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates,… Read more →

Bad Dad’s College Advice

HIM: You look sad this morning. What’s the matter? HER: Oh, my son left for college yesterday, and I just really miss him. HIM: Let me share something with you. When my daughter went off to school, I gave her one very important piece of advice. HER: Really? What was that? HIM: Don’t get photographed sucking a dick. HER: Hmmm.… Read more →