Bad personal ad: Looking for someone to take all of my pain from me. In exchange I will take you to a concert. bi. smoker. serious only. — eddie pepitone (@eddiepepitone) July 10, 2014 Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Eddie Pepitone
Twitter: 2011-02-01
RT @ChelseaVPeretti: When people say "it is what it is" we all learn so much via this insight # RT @eddiepepitone: if your life involves long discussions about flax seed than you need to take more risks. # RT @eddiepepitone: I always tell children that lunatic clowns will kill them in their sleep. I want to see the cut of their jib. # Read more →
Twitter: 2011-01-30
RT @eddiepepitone: When shit hits fan here people will be quoting American Idol contestants for inspiration. # Read more →
Twitter: 2011-01-28
RT @eddiepepitone: Ancient U.S.A. saying- When mall is open and food court busy, a calm comes over all the uneducated minds. # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-12-18
RT @eddiepepitone: Greatest achievements- I once made a small lie into a crisis so big that I had to get plastic surgery done and relocate. # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-12-11
RT @eddiepepitone: Folks remember: just because we are powerless doesn't mean we can't ruin our health and the lives of those close to us. # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-11-22
RT @eddiepepitone: Eating blocks of cheese to fend off despair while the wife plots my death. It must be sunday. # RT @serafinowicz: "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, I died." # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-11-20
RT @eddiepepitone: when my shrink straps me in for electroshock therapy I know it's going to be a good day if the voltage is just right. # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-10-26
RT @SarahKSilverman: I’m starting a campaign called Naps for Jesus. So basically every time I take a nap, it’ll be for Jesus. #napsforjesus # RT @eddiepepitone: Make no mistakes I tell very small children! Be perfect! Life is like a bank heist! Then I walk away crying. # RT @eddiepepitone: I always strike out at the weakest person in my prayer circle but I make up for it by bringing delicious baked goods. # RT @MrsRupertPupkin: A good way to spend the day is to repeatedly track the shipping status on recent Amazon or Zappos orders. # RT @kausmickey: Chevy: You already bought it! #betterchevyslogans # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-10-04
I hear my kid downstairs yelling about Kunta Kinte & the 13th Amendment. His mom must have asked him to bring the groceries in from the car. # RT @eddiepepitone: Does it make me a bad person if to get to sleep I visualize boating accidents? # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-09-16
RT @serafinowicz: Tea = Gay Coffee # Amplifying Collaboration with Guerilla Facilitation http://t.co/ZJNXzVz # RT @eddiepepitone: This new car better be the answer to all my sorrows and regrets. # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-09-12
RT @NikkiGlaser: Tell me I'm not the only one who has to get drunk to look at my checking account. # RT @eddiepepitone: Capitalism's last ad- "Since the nuclear devastation we are slashing prices! Everything Must Go!" # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-08-26
RT @eddiepepitone: Prophets of doom make 13 dollars an hour, life coaches 35 an hour. So who’s full of shit now? # RT @thesulk: “Who’s that actor?” “I don’t know, and I may never know.” (Watching TV Before the Internet) # RT @capricecrane: “Heidi Montag Wants Huge Breast Implants OUT.” She’s getting good at cutting giant boobs out of her life. # Related Articles Heidi Montag Regrets Breast Implants (mtv.com) Read more →
Twitter: 2010-08-24
RT @Jesus_M_Christ: How do I know Adam and Eve were white? When’s the last time you seen a black man give up a rib? # RT @eddiepepitone: Tweets of Nietzche’s wife- God isn’t as dead as our sex life! # RT @pattonoswalt: In the future, everyone will be obscure for fifteen minutes. # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-08-12
RT @ChelseaVPeretti: When someone's telling you something is it ok to say "who cares" if you do it tenderly and touch their arm? # RT @eddiepepitone: Just drank a coffee the size of a Buick. I think I will write an outline of the history of civilization. # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-08-11
Other than it's not in the plan, what's the argument for not doing it? http://goo.gl/Hbu4 # RT @eddiepepitone: tweets of Bob Frankenstein ( the monster's normal brother)- Frank is just big and unfortunate. # Thank god Emma Thompson has come along to save us from G.B. Shaw, Lerner & Loewe, and Audrey Hepburn. # RT @fakerahmemanuel: This just in from Ted Stevens: Hell is actually a series of tubes. # Welcome to Twitter, @Steven_Slater # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-08-07
RT @eddiepepitone: stay away from people who say- 1) I can do 5 years in the big house standing on my head. 2) Let's pray together. # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-08-05
RT @eddiepepitone: If everyone would just relax about death, love, finances and their legacy maybe we could enjoy a day or two. # RT @eddiepepitone: I have a message for all the murderers, thieves and other scum on twitter: please follow me. # Spent 15 minutes looking for my car in a parking lot before remembering I've got a loaner car today 🙁 # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-08-03
RT @robdelaney: Draw a picture of a house. Congratulations; you're an architect. I don't know what the fuss is about those assholes. # RT @eddiepepitone: signs of Alzheimer's disease- you brush your teeth with the mail. # RT @DamienFahey: Oh My God! It just hit me. I will never dunk. # RT @OnSluts: Monday Affirmation: I will get through this day without hitting a pedestrian because I'm thoughtful. # RT @daeganf: Lady Gaga afraid of having creativity stolen through her vagina. Possible concept for Inception sequel? # RT @thesulk: Chariots of Fire could also be called "Thank God, No Black Guys". # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-08-01
RT @eddiepepitone: If only there was a way 2 turn crushing debt, despair & horribly awkward interactions w/ people into lifelong happiness! # RT @SarahKSilverman: I try not to be as hard on myself as I am on other people. # Read more →