Eddie Van Halen says he’ll enter rehab

— Associated Press

This is sad news, and Eddie’s sweet, elderly grandma (pictured at right) says she wishes him the best.

Wait a moment . . . I’m being told that the person in the picture is not Eddie Van Halen’s elderly grandma, but is in fact — Eddie Van Halen!

Sweet Jesus! This is certainly another blow to the theory that being rich and famous will solve all of your problems!