EppsNet Archive: Family

Grandma Died Yesterday

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Grandma died today. Or, maybe, yesterday; I can’t be sure. Just kidding; it was yesterday, but I never get tired of that joke. Grandma was 94 years old. She was quick-witted almost to the end. She died at St. Jude Medical Center, the same hospital where I was born. She was 47 when I was born, the same age I am now. It’s the circle of life.   Grandma was a Presbyterian. Everyone else in the family, except me, is Catholic. The Catholic chaplain at St. Jude anointed Grandma before she died. I’m not sure what that means, but I know that my mom asked the priests at her parish to do it and they wouldn’t because Grandma was not a Catholic. “He said he was deeply sorry,” Andrew savagely caricatured the inflection, “but it was simply a rule of the Church.” “Some church,” he snarled. “And they call themselves… Read more →

Building a Boat

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Two men within a mast length of Rick Hedrick’s homemade 32-foot sailboat have toiled away on their boats for 30 years each. Another for 25 years. Another recently died before his life’s work saw the briny sea. By comparison, Hedrick, 61, of San Clemente, has practically set a land-speed record. He only had to give up 17 years – working every weekend and two or three nights a week after work to complete his life’s dream. . . . “Yes, I’m anxious,” Hedrick said last week at the Boat Yard, where men dream of water, sometimes for half their lives. “The only thing I have ever wanted to do is go sailing. But now that I’m here, I’m reflecting on everything. I’ve spent so much of my life here. I haven’t lived a normal life. I’m never home. I’m 61. I wonder, did I pay too great a price?” —… Read more →

My Retirement Plan is a .45

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Over Thanksgiving dinner, my dad is explaining how he’s trying to count up all his assets and figure out if he’s got enough to retire. “But,” he says, “you know what’s missing from all this retirement planning? The one thing you really need to know but you don’t know?” Read more →

My Next Career

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Somehow at dinner the subject of moving to Texas comes up . . . not a discussion so much as a stream of consciousness monologue by my wife, who has relatives in Texas, and it’s much cheaper to live there than it is here, and so on. “But what would you do for a job?” she asks me. Read more →

The Family Lawyer

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It’s taking a long time for our beverages to arrive at El Cholo, one of our favorite dining establishments. (Try the Sonora-Style Enchilada.) “The drinks are taking a long time,” my wife says. “Yeah,” my son agrees. “Drinks are supposed to come fast. I’m going to file a complaint.” “Who are you going to file a complaint with?” I ask. “Grandma Sylvia . . . she’s a lawyer.” Read more →

Wasted Time

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There was a profile of Jerry Buss, the owner of the Lakers, on TV the other night . . . Buss spent very little time with his family when his kids were growing up. When he and his wife separated, they didn’t tell the kids, and it was five years before any of them noticed the difference. True story! Clearly, I have not been nearly as ruthless as I could have been at disregarding my family in my pursuit of success. Read more →

World War II Memorial Opens

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The National World War II Memorial opened today in Washington, D.C. My dad served in World War II. He’d be so proud and excited if he hadn’t been dead for 25 years. Read more →

Lost in the Mind

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There can never be defeat if a man refuses to accept defeat. Wars are lost in the mind before they are lost on the ground. No nation was ever defeated until the people were willing to accept defeat. — George Patton Read more →

Wholesome Authority

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Then there were the Romans — whose greatness was probably due to the wholesome authority exercised by the head of a family over all its members. Some Romans had even killed their children; this was going too far, but then the Romans were not Christians and knew no better. — Samuel Butler, The Way of All Flesh Read more →

The Waiting

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My dad’s almost 70 now. He’s been a role model to me in terms of aging gracefully, without complaint. “How does it feel to be 45?” he asked me the other day. “Feel like you’re getting old?” “Yes,” I said. “Wait until you get to fifty-five,” he said. Thanks, Dad! Read more →

How Family Traditions Get Started

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At a family gathering a few years ago, a couple of my nieces were experimenting with makeup — including bright red lipstick — when one of the maiden aunts told them that girls with red lipstick look like whores. Well, that made quite an impression on these girls . . . now at any family get-together that the aunt attends, every girl — from high school seniors down to 5-year-olds — puts on the tawdriest shade of red lipstick they can find. At Thanksgiving this past week, one of the girls added some ghastly white face powder, for the total painted lady look . . . Read more →

A Visitor from the East

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Have you ever had a house guest — an in-law, perhaps — who thought that your life would be a lot better if you ran your business the same way she does, lived where she does, managed your money the way she does, ate certain foods in certain portions because she does, put on a sweater when she gets cold, and so on? Well, I have . . . Read more →

Break a Leg

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One of my nieces in Australia — she must be 11 or 12 by now — fell off the roof of her house and broke her leg. “What was she doing on the roof?” I ask my wife. “Her mom told her she couldn’t play in the house.” Nice. Or as they say in Australia, noyce. Read more →

The Death of a Child

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My nephew died yesterday in a car smash in Amarillo, TX, where he lived. He was 10 years old, the same age as my son. He was my son’s favorite cousin. Read more →

How Was Your Weekend?

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Good? Great? Too short? My weekend — like most of my weekends — was a tug-of-war to balance the vastly different needs and wants of myself and the people I live with. Doesn’t anyone else have weekends like that? Read more →

The Latte Factor

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Is $1 million really better than a good cup of coffee? Someone has trademarked the phrase “The Latte Factor,” referring to his claim that you could save the $3.50 a day you’re spending on little things like coffee, invest it, and wind up with millions of dollars. I don’t doubt that under a certain set of assumptions, that’s true — although under another set of assumptions, you could invest the money and lose it all, in which case you’ve got no lattes and no money). Read more →

Genealogy: Who Cares?

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I found myself involved in a genealogy discussion the other night, and I guess I disappointed everyone by admitting that I don’t know the origin of the name Epps, nor am I all that curious about it. Read more →

The Price of Kids

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The waiter at Mongolian BBQ asks how old is my son, which throws me off a little bit because we’ve eaten there many times (we’d eat there every night if the boy had his way) and no one ever asked that before. Read more →

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