EppsNet Archive: Guns

Liberals and Conservatives

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If you want to take my guns away from me, and you’re all for murdering fetuses, and love it when homosexuals marry each other, and want to give them kitchen appliances at their showers, and you’re for the poor, you’re a liberal. If you are against those perversions and for the rich, you’re a conservative. What could be simpler? — Kurt Vonnegut Read more →

A Couple of Schillers

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A couple of Schillers resigned from NPR after one of them said (among other things): Tea Party people aren’t just Islamaphobic, but really xenophobic, I mean basically they are, they believe in sort of white, middle-America gun-toting. I mean, it’s scary. They’re seriously racist, racist people. Well really . . . I haven’t been this shocked since Claude Rains discovered gambling at Rick’s Cafe. It shakes my belief system to the core to think that someone who works at NPR believes that Tea Party members are scary white gun-toting racists. Although come to think of it, everyone I know who listens to NPR believes that Tea Party members are scary white gun-toting racists. These guys really need to give up the federal funding. They could go full bore in promoting their mission and stop pretending to respect the common folk, who in turn would be relieved of the burden of… Read more →

Twitter: 2010-07-23

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RT @eddiepepitone: I am so not connected to reality today, but I do have a gun! # Read more →

Twitter: 2009-12-31

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RT @OCWeekly: OC Sheriff To Morons: Don't Fire Guns To Celebrate New Year – http://bit.ly/5SOwld # RT @capricecrane: I had that dream again where I was in school giving a report in class, naked. We really should've reported that teacher. # RT @KathySierra: Puppy pics enjoy a lifetime exemption from any and all so-called "rules" about stock photos and cliches. # Read more →

Answer Up or Die

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Sometimes I’ll say something to my son, who’s 16 now, ask him a question . . . I know he’s heard me but he doesn’t answer. So I wait or I ask him again, and when I do get an answer, I can’t understand it because he’s mumbling. Someone was telling me that she works with a boy whose mother shot all of his siblings. Why didn’t she shoot him too, you ask? I don’t know — out of ammo? To be sure, killing your own children is taking things too far, but I’ll bet you that boy answers up promptly when his mom says something to him . . . Read more →

Wife “Accidentally” Shot During Sex

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SPRINGFIELD, Ohio — A Tri-State woman is in critical condition Wednesday after police say her husband shot her while they were having sex. — “Man Says Wife Was Accidentally Shot During Sex”, WLWT Cincinnati After you’ve been married for a while, you have to try new things in the bedroom to keep it interesting . . . Read more →

Asian Gang Activities

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A co-worker informs me that a Santa Ana elementary school teacher has been charged with child endangerment for keeping a gun in her classroom. “Well, that’s Santa Ana,” I say. “What do you expect from people? Not a day goes by that you can’t pick up the Orange County Register and read about a gang-related slaying in Santa Ana. If I were a teacher in Santa Ana, you best believe I’d be packing heat too. Thank god this kind of thing doesn’t happen in Irvine where I live.” “There are Asian gangs in Irvine.” “Asian gangs in Irvine?! What a racist you are. I’ve lived in Irvine for seven years and I’ve never seen or heard of any Asian gang activity. Unless studying for AP exams counts as a gang activity. Blowing their brains out with mathematical formulas . . .” Read more →

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