Notes from the Golden Orange
EppsNet Archive: Jesus
19 Jun 2016 / Paul Epps
For those not familiar with the story: Jesus knows he’s going to die. He prays to God for help in the garden of Gethsemane, at the Mount of Olives. But there is no answer.
If it is true that in the sacred Garden of the Scriptures,
The Son of Man said what we see reported;
Mute, blind and deaf to the cry of all creatures,
If Heaven abandons us like an aborted world,
The just will oppose disdain to this absence,
And will answer from now on with only cold silence
The eternal silence of the Divinity.
9 Apr 2016 / Paul Epps
hey say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
What was Jesus writing on the ground?
THINGS TO DO BEFORE BEING CRUCIFIED
- . . .
10 Nov 2015 / Paul Epps
Outraged Christians boycott Starbucks over ‘politically correct’ Christmas red cup design — Mirror Online
There’s a line in an old Woody Allen movie: If Jesus came back and saw what’s going on in his name, he’d never stop throwing up.
11 Oct 2015 / Satan
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]
I’m hearing a lot of Orange County residents complaining about the heat this weekend. Take it from someone who knows about heat: 98 degrees is not heat. You’ll see what I’m talking about soon enough. Enjoy the 98-degree temperatures while you can.
On a related note, why does everyone say “Jesus Christ, it’s hot” and no one says “Satan, it’s hot”?
See you in Hell . . .
15 Apr 2015 / Paul Epps
Whenever I see headlines like this I wonder why God couldn’t find an atheist family to drop a concrete slab on. The infant, whose shirt appears to say KING JESUS, was also killed.
12 Aug 2014 / Paul Epps
Arnett said this: “As funny as he was — he’s truly one of the all-time greats — he was even better as a person.”
That’s a reliable formulation: As great as he was as a [thing the person was known to be great at], he was even better as a person.
Of course because the person was known to be an outlier at the one thing, he (or she) was almost certainly NOT even better as a person.
How great was Robin Williams as a comedian? Top 10? I don’t know, that’s pretty competitive . . . I’m thinking of Groucho, Cosby, Charlie Chaplin, Steve Martin, George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Leno, Letterman . . .
But I’d say Top 20, definitely. So according to Will Arnett, Robin Williams was one of the 20 best people of all time!?
Was he a better person than Buddha? The Dalai Lama? Jesus? Mother Teresa? Abraham Lincoln? Gandhi? Socrates? Albert Schweitzer? Raoul Wallenberg? Nelson Mandela? Aung San Suu Kyi? Mr. Rogers? Your sweet, elderly grandma? Billions of other people doing their best to get along in the world?
I get that you might find yourself on the spot to say something nice about a person and you can’t think of anything to say but this “even better as a person” bullshit cannot be eradicated too soon in my opinion.
11 Nov 2012 / Paul Epps
nd now, do You see those stones in this parched and barren desert? Turn them into loaves of bread and men will follow You like cattle, grateful and docile, although constantly fearful lest You withdraw Your hand and they lose Your loaves. . . . You thought, what sort of freedom would they have if their obedience was bought with bread? You replied that man does not live by bread alone. . . .
So, in the end, they will lay their freedom at our feet and say to us, “Enslave us but feed us!” And they will finally understand that freedom and the assurance of daily bread for everyone are two incompatible notions that could never co-exist! . . .
They will marvel at us and worship us like gods, because, by becoming their masters, we have accepted the burden of freedom that they were too frightened to face, just because we have agreed to rule over them — that is how terrifying freedom will have become to them finally! . . .
I tell You once more that man has no more pressing, agonizing need than the need to find someone to whom he can hand over as quickly as possible the gift of freedom with which the poor wretch comes into the world. . . .
We have corrected Your work and have now founded it on miracle, mystery and authority. And men rejoice at being led like cattle again, with the terrible gift of freedom that brought them so much suffering removed from them. . . .
They will tell us the secrets that most torment their consciences, they will tell us everything, and we shall solve all their problems, and they will trust to our solutions completely, because they will be rid of the terrible worry and the frightening torment they know today when they have to decide for themselves how to act.
Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
26 Oct 2010 / Paul Epps
- RT @SarahKSilverman: I’m starting a campaign called Naps for Jesus. So basically every time I take a nap, it’ll be for Jesus. #napsforjesus #
- RT @eddiepepitone: Make no mistakes I tell very small children! Be perfect! Life is like a bank heist! Then I walk away crying. #
- RT @eddiepepitone: I always strike out at the weakest person in my prayer circle but I make up for it by bringing delicious baked goods. #
- RT @MrsRupertPupkin: A good way to spend the day is to repeatedly track the shipping status on recent Amazon or Zappos orders. #
- RT @kausmickey: Chevy: You already bought it! #betterchevyslogans #
15 Oct 2010 / Paul Epps
9 Oct 2010 / Paul Epps
27 Aug 2010 / Paul Epps
24 Aug 2010 / Paul Epps
10 Aug 2010 / Paul Epps
- RT @joshcomers: “I’m ready to take this to the next level!” (overly dramatic guy walking into an elevator) #
- RT @joshcomers: Just saw that a guy following over 28,000 people unfollowed me. I must have really fucked up. #
- Risk creates value. Except when it destroys value. #
- RT @Jesus_M_Christ: #ILaughEverytime I send a Fundamentalist to Hell. #
- RT @Jesus_M_Christ: Whenever someone pleads with me for World Peace then ends their prayer by asking for bigger boobs #ilaugheverytime #