EppsNet Archive: Soft Drinks

Have a Coke!

Traditional religion turned the consciousness of sin into a condition for salvation, but the tortured sense of nothingness qualifies us now only for miserable extinction, for merciful release in lonely death. That said, why not enjoy an ice-cold Coca-Cola? Read more →

Monday Night at the Chevron

I like the sodas at Chevron . . . they’re not restaurant quality, but they’re better than the flat, tasteless sodas you get at most other gas stations. On the downside, Chevron as often as not has some donate-a-buck-to-charity shakedown going on at the register. Today the place is plastered with photos of bald children with brave smiles on their faces . . . “Would you like to donate to St. Jude pediatric cancer research?” the clerk asks. “I already donated two dollars last week and they haven’t cured it yet?”   Meanwhile, I notice another employee plucking all the hot dogs off the rotisserie with a pair of tongs and dropping them in a trash can . . . “You have to throw those out if they sit too long?” I ask the clerk. “Yes.” “Do you ever pluck a couple off and eat them if you’re hungry?” “No,”… Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

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How to Tell if Your Food Server is a Robot

I’ve been reading some articles recently about increased use of robots in the food service industry. I think we had a robot server the other day at the Jack in the Box drive-thru. My boy ordered a medium Mountain Dew with his meal and I ordered a large Coke Zero with mine. “Which one is the Mountain Dew” I asked the woman (robot) at the window as she handed us the drinks. “The medium one,” she said. Only a robot would answer the question that way. A human would say “The yellow one.” Because it’s a dopey question and a human recognizes why it’s a dopey question and answers accordingly. The robot only knows that the medium drink is the Mountain Dew and the large drink is the Coke Zero. Read more →

Soft Drinks

It seems like there always someone trying to put a damper on my enjoyment of super-size soft drinks . . . “Soda is bad for your brain,” my son says. “The brain is mostly water and soda dehydrates it.” “How does soda dehydrate my brain,” I ask, “considering that soda is mostly water?” “I don’t have all the facts on that,” he says. So at least he’s honest. “If you don’t mind,” I say, “I’m going to keep drinking the sodas until you have them.” Read more →

False Advertising

There’s a sign in the Taco Bell/KFC drive-thru advertising a “Value Drink” for 99 cents. It looks like a pretty sweet deal because the cup is at least three feet tall. “How big is the Value Drink?” I ask the drive-thru voice. “16 ounces,” she says. “Really? It looks a lot bigger than that on the sign.” “It’s a trick,” she says. “That’s not the actual size.” “In that case,” I say, “just give me a large Diet Pepsi.” Read more →