EppsNet Archive: Souplantation

Kids Eat Free

Souplantation is doing a Kids Eat Free promotion today for Presidents’ Day . . . This is unfair. We’ve been coming to Souplantation for 20 years. They NEVER had a Kids Eat Free promotion when our kid was young enough to participate. Now that he’s too old, they do Kids Eat Free day. I really feel that in recognition of our abiding loyalty to Souplantation, our kid should be able to eat free NOW, despite the fact that he’s 20 years old and eats as much as three normal guests . . . Read more →

Overheard at Souplantation

Customer to Mexican busboy: “Great soups today! I love the albo-dingus!” Read more →

Overheard at Souplantation

“The lemon chicken soup is good.” “I don’t like soup. And I don’t like lemon-flavored soup. I like chicken — but not when you dunk it in lemon-flavored soup.” Read more →

Frozen Yogurt

I like to wrap up my visits to Souplantation with a serving of frozen yogurt but I can’t today because the yogurt machine is out of service. My son is unsympathetic. “If you want yogurt,” he says, “you go to Yogurtland. If you want soup and plants, you come to Souplantation.” Read more →

Why Parents Do What They Do

And I know a father who had a son He longed to tell him all the reasons for the things he’d done — Paul Simon, “Slip Sliding Away” This story needs a quick setup . . . My son’s two-year-old birthday party was a festive event. The whole neighborhood was there! We had a bounce house, a clown . . . the only thing that marred the day slightly was that as everyone sang “Happy Birthday,” his mom lifted him up so he could see the cake, and he stuck his finger out and touched a lit candle. It wasn’t a bad burn but he did cry for a while. We have a video of this. That’s why he remembers it. So — we’re having a late lunch today at Souplantation. A kid who looks about four years old runs down the aisle, turns the corner and runs back up… Read more →

A T-Shirt with a Gorilla on It

I took my boy to Souplantation for dinner after his hockey game. An Indian kid in the line across from us was wearing a t-shirt with a gorilla on it. “That Indian guy has a cool shirt,” my son said. “I’d rock that.” “I’d sport that,” he said. “I’d don that,” he said. “I’d . . .” “I get it. Now shut up so I can focus on my salad.” Read more →

Never Wait in Buffet Lines Again

We went to Souplantation for dinner tonight. I was really hungry but when we got there, there was already a line of people at the salad bar. I hate when that happens. Let me tell you what I did: I grabbed a tray and came in swinging, cracked a few people in the cranium, then finished them off with a serrated-edge knife from the silverware station. It’s a crude plan, but let me tell you why it works: the element of surprise. No one goes to Souplantation expecting to be knocked over the head and stabbed . . . Read more →

Why You’re Not Losing Weight

Souplantation is our favorite family restaurant, but it really does give me the creeps watching fat people at all-you-can-eat buffets. Tonight there’s a fat guy plodding through the bakery section, loading up on pizza, muffins, etc. He takes one of everything, except the things he takes two of. An obese woman decides that the bowls provided at the dessert bar aren’t big enough, so she brings over a soup tureen and loads it up with frozen yogurt, before slathering on the chocolate chips, peanuts and syrup. Have you ever wondered why fat people are fat? Neither have I. But for everyone who’s ever said, “I don’t know why I can’t lose weight,” it’s because you’re eating everything that’s not nailed down. Read more →