Chris Rock on marriage:
Fellas, when you wake up in the morning, you should look yourself in the mirror and say:
“Fuck you. Fuck your hopes, fuck your dreams, fuck your plans … fuck everything you thought this life was going to bring to you. Now let’s go out there and try to make this bitch happy.”
I needed this laugh today. Thanks. Although I did hear the one about Bono who, at some concert in Ireland, asked for silence, and started clapping his hands. He then said, supposedly, every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.
Some Irish guy, and I wish I thought this fast, said “well, fooking, stop clapping then.”
Good one . . . the Irish dialect really sells it.