This is the best email I’ve had all week. Let me preface it by saying that I don’t know the sender, so I changed her name to protect the “innocent.”
From: anne sexton [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Only in Southern California could someone so woefully ignorant be a teacher.
Your childish clinging to some 1950’s idea of masculinity in order to bolster your own ego is pathetic, and the sad thing is, you’re teaching your son to be equally disrespectful. Wow. Nice parenting. In short, I’m sorry you have a small dick. It doesn’t give you the right to disrespect women.
Oh, And GO BEARS, mother fucker.
PhD candidate in English, UC Berkeley (ranked #1 in the world for their English program. Where’s USC ranked?)
Sweet! Here’s my reply:
Hi Anne –
You sound very angry about something but I’m not sure what.
I don’t know where the USC English program is ranked but I know where the football team is ranked! #1, BABY! FIGHT ON, TROJANS! See you Nov. 10 for another beating!
Also, I’m pretty sure “motherfucker” is one word, not two, Miss “#1 in the world” English program.
P.S. Send a picture!