Welcome to EppsNet, where the writers are not on strike! Striking writers are stupid. Pretend you’re a TV executive and your writers are on strike. Oh dear! What will I do? I’ll have to show reruns and only get 90 percent of the dimbulb audience I’d get showing new episodes. Boo hoo hoo! Television is the opiate of the masses, man! People will watch it no matter what’s on. They can’t live without it. We’ve got TVs in restaurants, health clubs, cars, you name it. They’re ubiquitous! The number of people like me — who think that if you want to eat dinner in front of a TV set you should stay the hell at home — is very small compared to the number of people who will not leave their homes if it means being separated from a television. Hey scribes! People are going to turn off their flat-panel… Read more →
January 2008
Remembrance of Things Past
Here’s an email that went out to everyone in the office this morning: Good Morning Everyone! There was a clip on earring turned in to the receptionists desk this morning. Please come and claim it if it is yours! :o) Happy Friday…. A clip-on earring!!! I thought those went out with hula hoops and pay phones. Who will claim it, I wonder? Is Marion Davies in the building? Gloria Swanson? Read more →
Rick Neuheisel
UCLA has hired Rick Neuheisel as its new football coach, replacing Karl Dorrell. UCLA people love this guy. They’ve been blowing Neuheisel’s meat whistle ever since the announcement. As a USC man, I say this: Great hire! Neuheisel will fail for all of the reasons listed here. Excerpt: “Neuheisel’s one great genius turns out to be his ability to make people think he’s a genius.” FIGHT ON! Read more →
Rose Bowl 2008: USC 49, Illinois 17
The conventional wisdom in recent years has been that USC has trouble defending spread offenses and mobile quarterbacks, like Illinois’ Juice Williams. I’m not sure that’s true. They’ve had trouble defending some mobile quarterbacks — Vince Young, Dennis Dixon — but so has every other team in the country. We took it to a real personal nature because we wanted to figure the spread-thing out, defend it really well and take the mystery out of it. We practiced so beautifully that it had to work out well. That’s a big deal. A really big deal. — Pete Carroll A total systematic beatdown. FIGHT ON! Read more →
CFNM
I like to think I’m up to speed on my acronyms, abbreviations and fetishes, but CFNM is a new one on me. No, I’m not going to hyperlink it — this is a family-oriented website — but go ahead and Google it if you want to . . . Read more →
Rose Parade 2008
A few years ago, my son went to the Rose Parade as a spectator. This year, he worked as a volunteer float decorator with a community service group from his high school. They worked on the City of St. Louis float, which won the President’s Trophy for most effective floral use and presentation. Yeah, I know pretty much every float wins some kind of trophy, but the President’s Trophy is one of the good trophies. To give you the flavor of the thing, here’s the list of “suggestions” given to volunteers by the float-building company: PLEASE DO NOT BRING RADIOS, WALKMENS, CAMERAS, HANDBAGS OR JEWELRY. BRING YOUR I.D. AND MONEY ONLY. FANNY PACKS WORK GREAT. WEAR OLD BUT WARM CLOTHING AND STURDY SHOES WITH CLOSED TOE AND HEEL. TIE BACK LONG HAIR. FIRE LANE MUST BE KEPT OPEN AT ALL TIMES AND THE AREA AROUND THE FLOAT SHOULD BE KEPT… Read more →
Playing the Expert Game
If . . . you are able to get important things done you are seen learning things on your own you are seen trying to do things even if you aren’t sure how you share freely the things that you know you don’t hide your ignorance, but also don’t rest on it you honor what other people know you know more often than not how to find out what you don’t know you know how to ask for help you offer to help people on their own terms Then . . . no one will care whether you succeed by learning or succeed by already knowing no one will care if you mess up occasionally because they assume you learn from it no one will mind if you forget (or don’t know) any given fact or method at any given time you will be treated as if you’re smart and… Read more →
Happy New Year 2008
We toasted the new year with a $42 bottle of Moet et Chandon — marked down to $25 at Albertson’s! Lightning enjoyed gnawing on the cork . . . in fact, when anyone turned their attention away from their champagne glass, he’d stick his snout in and lap up some bubbly . . . Read more →