I’ve got the dog all hooked up for a walk but I don’t have shoes on . . . Look! Right here by the front door are my son’s prized possession — his red sneakers! He notices me slipping my feet into them and says, “Hey! What size are your feet? You’re not going to stretch them out, are you?” “Actually,” I say, “they feel a little loose.” “OK,” he says grudgingly. “Don’t step in any puddles.” Read more →
June 2009
Keeping the Magic Alive
I went to a 50th wedding anniversary mass today. Normally I wouldn’t be caught dead at such a thing but in this case the husband and wife also happen to be my parents so not only was I there, I was there bright and early to hand out programs. Fifty years! How do a man and a woman celebrate with each other such longevity and perseverance? Honey, I want to say something to you tonight that I’ve never said before, although I’ve had it in my heart for many, many years. Three little words . . . . . . let’s try anal . . . Read more →
Randy Johnson’s 300th Win
Fellow Trojan Randy Johnson won his 300th game last night. I miss the good old days when starting pitchers actually won games on the mound, not in the dugout after throwing six innings and handing it off to the bullpen . . . Read more →
David Carradine, 1936–2009
Alas, poor Carradine! I knew him, Horatio. A couple of years ago I was walking through the international terminal at LAX, picking up my family on a flight from Bangkok, when I heard a voice behind me: “This is David Carradine.” I turned and it was Carradine, talking on a cell phone! A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy! The rest is silence . . . Read more →
Another Reason I Just Like to Drink on Planet Earth
Nightmares
I’ve been having nightmares the last week or so. Last night I was stabbed to death by a maniac on a motorcycle. The night before I was a zombie terrorizing an Old West elementary school . . . Read more →
Twitter: 2009-06-01
RT @nsmithmorgan: The three best visual illusions in the world http://www.aip.org/isns/reports/2009/051309visualillusion.html # Read more →
I Like to Manage My Own Time
The dog and I are having a great time this morning playing tug-of-war. My wife is ironing clothes. “What time is it?” she asks. “It’s 7:22. Are you trying to tell me to stop playing around and go to work?” “No, I’m trying to time it so I can stop ironing and make Casey’s breakfast before he has to go to school.” “Apology accepted.” Read more →