EppsNet

So long as you write what you wish to write, that is all that matters.

— Virginia Woolf (Jan 25, 1882 – Mar 28, 1941)

History painting, what a joke! There is only one authentic thing: to paint what you see.

— Édouard Manet (Jan 23, 1832 – Apr 30, 1883)

Hi everybody! Here’s a picture my owner made for me on my birthday. LOL!

My wife and my dog both have birthdays later this month . . .

“I was just thinking,” I say to my wife, “doesn’t Lightning have a birthday coming up?”

(Waiting . . .)

“That was very basic,” she says.

• A Lesson in Mystique: http://bit.ly/p0zCr #
• Called my boy to say Happy Birthday. It's not till tomorrow but he's in Australia, where it's already tomorrow. #

My fellow Americans –

Did you know that I was born on this date in 1743? Probably you didn’t because nobody makes a big deal about it like Washington’s birthday or Lincoln’s.

That used to really bother me but I’m okay with it now.

Anyway — it’s MY birthday but YOU get the gift. Point your browser at the Guess Her Muff website. GADZOOKS! You will not be disappointed!

Sadly, ladies styling their pubes had not entered into the marketplace of ideas in the 18th century. I can’t help thinking what Sally Hemings would have looked like with a Brazilian.

AH-OOGAH!

• RT @Ben373: Being responsible is below my pay grade. (The New Yorker) #
• Temperatures soared into the 80s in Orange County this weekend. Thank god I stockpiled enough rum, Coke and ice to ride it out… #
• @Ben373 My wife is Asian. Your post gave her the idea of putting birthday candles in wonton soup. I can’t see how that’s going to work… in reply to Ben373 #

And I know a father who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons for the things he’d done

— Paul Simon, “Slip Sliding Away”

This story needs a quick setup . . .

My son’s two-year-old birthday party was a festive event. The whole neighborhood was there!

We had a bounce house, a clown . . . the only thing that marred the day slightly was that as everyone sang “Happy Birthday,” his mom lifted him up so he could see the cake, and he stuck his finger out and touched a lit candle.

It wasn’t a bad burn but he did cry for a while.

We have a video of this. That’s why he remembers it.

So — we’re having a late lunch today at Souplantation. A kid who looks about four years old runs down the aisle, turns the corner and runs back up the next aisle over.

I ask, “Why is it a good idea as a parent to let your kid run through restaurants?”

My son, totally off topic, says, “Why is it a good idea to let your kid stick his finger in a candle?”

I say, “I don’t know. You didn’t do it again though, did you?”

His mom says, “Maybe you shouldn’t have a birthday party at all if you want to complain about it.”

“A two-year-old shouldn’t have a birthday party?!” he asks in disbelief.

I say, “Mom makes a good point, if you’re just going to stick your finger in a candle and ruin it for everybody.”

I get a call at work from my wife, who says, “I logged on to the credit union web site and a message popped up and said ‘Happy Birthday!’”

“Your birthday’s not till tomorrow.”

“And I got a Happy Birthday email from Newport Lexus. Wasn’t that nice?”

“It sure was.”

“I hope people close to me don’t forget about it . . .”

Today is my son’s 15th birthday. He’s six feet tall, same as me. I actually have to look up at him a little bit . . . his eyes are higher than mine but I make up the difference with an improbably large forehead, so the tops of our heads are at the same height . . .