EppsNet Archive: Charles Darwin

Happy Darwin Day!

12 Feb 2014 /

“I’ve been walking three miles a day. I thought my cardio fitness was pretty good. Then today I tried swimming some laps and found out that my fitness level is not what I thought it was.”

“Yes, well, it’s a good thing that complex life emerged from the seas so we can all spend more time walking and less time swimming. Happy Darwin Day!

At Least He Went Out a Winner

9 Oct 2012 /
Cockroach champ Edward Archbold

Edward Archbold was, according to those who met him on Friday night, the life of the party – a bit of a showoff who was up for anything, even a giant cockroach-eating contest.

He won. And then, tragically, he died.

Not every death is a tragedy. (We pause here for a moment to give Darwin a chance to spike the football.)

Whenever I hear someone described as “a bit of a showoff who’s up for anything,” I find myself wondering how soon they can die in some bizarre attempt to attract attention.

Given what we know about the deceased, how surprised are you — on a scale of zero to 10 — that a shirtless mug shot was available for use in his obituary?

The Mel Kiper Files

25 Apr 2010 /
Blue-footed Booby 1

In five weeks in the Galapagos in 1835, Charles Darwin identified 12 separate species of finches. After watching a 90-minute documentary on the Galapagos in 2001, Mel Kiper Jr. identified 35 species of finches, ranked them on strength, quickness, and “football instincts,” and correctly predicted that a land tortoise named “Jorges” would go to Indianapolis in the sixth round.


11 Apr 2009 /


Happy 200th Birthday, Charles Darwin

12 Feb 2009 /

Charles Darwin's 200th birthday

Always Thank Your Dad

26 Mar 2007 /

My boy is researching a paper on Darwin’s theory of evolution.

“How’s the research going?” I ask.

“I discovered an error and had to start over,” he says.

“You discovered an error in your paper or you discovered an error in Darwin’s theory?”

“Well, Internet Explorer discovered an error and had to close.”

“Because if you discovered an error in Darwin’s theory, there’s probably a Nobel Prize in it for you. Be sure to mention me in your acceptance speech.”

“Shut up.”

“[Imitating his voice] ‘I’d like to thank my dad, who always encouraged me to do my best.'”

“Shut up.”

A Damnable Doctrine

24 Nov 2003 /

I can indeed hardly see how anyone ought to wish Christianity to be true; for if so the plain language of the text seems to show that the men who do not believe, and this would include my Father, Brother and almost all of my friends, will be everlasting punished.

And this is a damnable doctrine.

Darwin’s The Origin of Species was published on this date in 1859.