EppsNet Archive: Coffee

Starbucks Chile Mocha Review

9 Sep 2016 /
Starbucks chile mocha

It sounds like a prank, putting chile powder in someone’s coffee. To be honest, the chile is a bit punishing on the palate, but then coffee itself is a punisher, pummeling its consumers into a state of heightened alertness.

So while I wouldn’t order another chile mocha myself, I can understand how some masochists might appreciate the extra kick.


What Would Jesus Think of the Starbucks Boycott?

10 Nov 2015 /

Outraged Christians boycott Starbucks over ‘politically correct’ Christmas red cup designMirror Online

There’s a line in an old Woody Allen movie: If Jesus came back and saw what’s going on in his name, he’d never stop throwing up.


The Coffee Goes to 11

14 Sep 2015 /

We stopped in at the Nespresso coffee bar at Geary and Grant just before leaving San Francisco to drive back to Orange County. For the iced latte that I wanted, the menu offered a choice of three coffees ranked by “intensity”: 4, 9 or 11. The 4 seemed too low, and I saw no reason to go with the 9 and leave the extra two intensity points on the table, so I selected the 11.

I didn’t notice any off-the-charts intensity as I was drinking the coffee but it kicked in on the drive home, somewhere near Salinas. I could have driven straight through to South America, such was my level of alertness and energy.

Nespresso


Lose the Pastels and the Mopey Attitude

9 Jul 2015 /

Human of New York

  1. Americans love gay people. Since this photo has been posted, it has 60,000 shares, 60,000 comments (including presidential candidates) and 640,000 (that’s six hundred and forty thousand) likes. In the short time since the Supreme Court’s gay marriage ruling there’s been a national competition to see who can demonstrate the most elation about it. (OK, if you’re gay, a few bad apples will dislike you based on that alone but that’s true if you’re identifiable as a member of any group, which we all are.)
  2. I’m afraid about the future. I’m afraid people won’t like me. Leave out the part about being homosexual and you could post a picture of anyone. The percentage of Americans who can’t get through the day without medication — I’m including self-medication via alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, food, etc. — is a lot closer to 100 than it is to zero. Nobody’s life is a fairy tale, kid.
  3. How old is this boy? He looks about 10. Is he really old enough to have fully sussed out his own sexuality? Maybe he is but it seems far from certain.
  4. Find some role models, like Ellen and that Doogie Howser kid. Lose the pastels and the mopey attitude. Dress like a man and keep it peppy.

Doogie Howser   Ellen


Sugar Substitutes

12 Dec 2014 /

Sugar, Sugar

I’m trying to find some sugar for my coffee in the break room . . . I see three kinds of sugar substitute — the pink kind, the yellow kind and the blue kind — but no actual sugar. The number of sugar substitutes concerns me. Why are there three different kinds? It’s like they’re not only substitutes for sugar, they’re substitutes for the other sugar substitutes.

Sugar is a natural substance that grows from the earth. I don’t know what any of this other shit is and therefore I’m not putting it in my coffee . . .

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This New Coffee Place is Not Going to Make It

5 Oct 2014 /
What do you think?

Trying out a new coffee place by our house . . . I order an iced coffee and pay $4.50 for the only size they have, about the size of a Starbucks grande, which at Starbucks is less than three bucks.

I take the coffee over to the condiment station, taste it and decide to add some sugar.

The proprietor surprises me by walking up and saying “Taste it first before you add sugar.”

“I did taste it,” I assure him.

“Does it need sugar?”

“That probably depends on who’s drinking it. If I’m drinking it, it’s going to need a little sugar.”

I think I’ll stick with Starbucks. The coffee is cheaper and the staff lets me do whatever I want with it, no questions asked.


First World Problems

15 May 2013 /
Mini Moo's

When I get coffee from the break room, I try to cycle through the creamers — French Vanilla, Hazelnut and the regular Half & Half.

Today I got coffee and I couldn’t remember where I left off in the cycle. I’m in a quandary . . .


Twitter: 2010-09-16

16 Sep 2010 /
Twitter

Twitter: 2010-08-12

12 Aug 2010 /
Twitter
  • RT @ChelseaVPeretti: When someone's telling you something is it ok to say "who cares" if you do it tenderly and touch their arm? #
  • RT @eddiepepitone: Just drank a coffee the size of a Buick. I think I will write an outline of the history of civilization. #

Twitter: 2010-04-29

29 Apr 2010 /
Twitter
  • RT @OnSluts: Don't let mr judgy Barista tell u a double shot americano at 12 and 6 pm is too much caffeine. He doesn't know your pain #
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Thomas Jefferson on the Health Care Bill

23 Mar 2010 /
Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny.
— TJ
Thomas Jefferson

My fellow Americans —

This is a glorious day in our great nation! No, I’m not referring to that tragedy of a health care bill, which I’ll get to in a moment. I’m talking about Free Pastry Day at Starbucks! Who doesn’t enjoy a tasty scone with his morning coffee?

Now, on a more somber note . . .

Goodbye, representative democracy! Farewell, consent of the governed!

President Obama today signed into law a far-reaching measure that will affect everyone living in these United States, now and in the future. It is opposed by most of the country and it is now law.

I would never have believed that the government I helped to establish would one day engage in this kind of forced sodomy against its own people.

We know what is right and we will do it, regardless of whether you want it done to you or not.

If Karl Marx were here, he would no doubt make a case for trading off liberty in favor of whatever it’s called when a centralized authority redistributes your income in the interest of “equality.” If you know even a little bit about American history, I guess you know which side of that fence old Tom Jefferson is on.

Switching from politics to economics: People with insurance use more health care resources than people without. Put another stitch in my head, doc! I’ve got insurance!

If more people have insurance, it will increase the demand for health care, which in turn will increase the price.

Now imagine that everyone has insurance. I got your health care reform right here: We’re going to drive the price of health care through the roof, then spend a titanic amount of money helping poor people afford it.

I have no (proven) living descendants and for that I say — Thank God! The next generation of Americans is going to be crushed under the burden of paying for this misguided vision of government.

Yours in sadness and in hope,

Tom


Hearing Voices

27 Jan 2010 /
Open up and say AHHHH!!!!!

I’m getting some coffee in the lunch room . . . no one else is present.

One of my colleagues walks in and says, “Are you talking to yourself, Paul?”

“No, actually I wasn’t saying anything.” Which I wasn’t. “Maybe you’re hearing voices,” I suggest. “And ironically, you were just insinuating that I was nuts.”


Twitter: 2009-10-28

28 Oct 2009 /
  • RT @Aimee_B_Loved: BRAINS! BRAAAAAAAINS! BRAAA– I'm just kidding. I'll have a tall skinny vanilla latte, thanks. #

Twitter: 2009-10-02

2 Oct 2009 /
  • http://bit.ly/2djWf1 via @TheOnion – Federal Judge Rules Parker Brothers Holds Monopoly Monopoly #
  • I just poured hot coffee in my shoe. No, not on purpose. Yes, it was on my foot at the time. #
  • RT @Aimee_B_Loved: I think Chicago needs a hug. #
  • Man bites dog biting dog: http://bit.ly/i9fhA #news #

Twitter: 2009-09-24

24 Sep 2009 /
  • RT @capricecrane: New Word: "Stabtastrophe." A severe phenomenon occurring in a high pressure system of you getting my coffee order wrong. #

Twitter: 2009-08-29

29 Aug 2009 /
  • Iced chai latte with an add shot! Bow to my genius! #
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Twitter: 2009-07-08

8 Jul 2009 /
  • RT @sportsguy33: "I'd like a non-fat decaf latte" is a fancy way of announcing, "I suck, don't ask me out." #
  • Got a free smoothie for filling up my stamp card! All my hard work is finally coming to fruition! #

It May Depend on the Temperature

6 Jul 2009 /

Here’s another colleague in the break room, wiping something off the front of her shirt . . .

“I spilled coffee down my shirt,” she explains.

I ask: “How does that compare with just drinking it, as far as a pick-me-up is concerned?”

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At the Starbucks Drive-Thru

1 Mar 2009 /

“Welcome to Starbucks. My name is Sam. Would you like to try an apple [something something]?”

I couldn’t understand what he said. “A what?” I asked.

“An apple chai [something].”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Can you say it one more time? I didn’t get the last part.”

“Apple … chai … infusion.”

“I’ll have a venti iced latte.”

“OK. That’s almost as good.”

The poor guy really had his heart set on serving me an apple chai infusion . . .


It Could Have Been Worse

12 Oct 2008 /

We took Lightning to the Huntington Dog Beach this morning . . .

As we were parking the car, my wife asked, “Do they have bathrooms here?”

Starbucks cup

“They have portables,” I said, pointing them out.

“OK, you guys go ahead and I’ll meet you down at the beach.”

Later, when we got back to the car, I asked, “Where’s my coffee?”

“It’s all gone,” she said.

“It may be all gone now but it wasn’t all gone when I left it here.”

“I had to pee in it.”

“You peed in my coffee cup?”

“I can’t use those portables.”

“Why couldn’t you pee in your own coffee?”

“I had to make a judgment call.”

“Well . . . thanks for not setting it back and letting me drink out of it.”


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