A certain man was believed to have died, and was being prepared for burial, when he revived. He sat up, but he was so shocked by the scene surrounding him that he fainted. He was put in a coffin, and the funeral party set off for the cemetery. Just as they arrived at the grave, he regained consciousness, lifted the coffin lid, and cried out for help. “It is not possible that he has revived,” said the mourners, “because he has been certified dead by competent experts.” “But I am alive!” shouted the man. He appealed to a well-known impartial scientist and jurisprudent who was present. “Just a moment,” said the expert. He then turned to the mourners, counting them. “Now we have heard what the alleged deceased has had to say. You fifty witnesses tell me what you regard as the truth.” “He is dead,” said the witnesses. “Bury… Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Death
When we are dead, seek not our tomb in the earth, but find it in the hearts of men. — Epitaph of Jalaludin Rumi
What Shall I Be?
I have again and again grown like grass; I have experienced seven hundred and seventy moulds. I died from minerality and became vegetable; And from vegetativeness I died and became animal. I died from animality and became man. Then why fear disappearance through death? Next time I shall die Bringing forth wings and feathers like angels: After that soaring higher than angels — What you cannot imagine. I shall be that. — Jalaladin Rumi Read more →
Why Not Enjoy a Snickers?
Our being is a being-towards-death, ending, not on the summit of actualization, but over the cliff in the abyss of annihilation . . . Read more →
Soda Sticker Shock in Seattle
Seattle is trying to discourage its citizens from drinking sugary beverages by imposing a 1.75-cent per ounce tax on all sugary drinks sold in the Emerald City. A $15.99 case of Gatorade at the Seattle Costco now has an added tax of more than $10. A case of Coke is now $7.35 more expensive than the Diet Coke or Coke Zero. Sticker shock! What will people drink instead of sugary beverages? Coffee. Seattle drinks a lot of coffee. Is coffee good for you? What if you put sugar in it? Beer. At these prices, it’s cheaper than soda. Diet soda. Are artificial sweeteners better for you than sugar? Fruit juice. Not taxed but contains a lot of sugar. Should there be a tax on all-you-can-eat buffets? How about a tax credit for eating a vegetable? Or maybe — just maybe — the tax code was not designed for and shouldn’t… Read more →
EppsNet Book Reviews: Death on the Installment Plan by Louis-Ferdinand Céline
Death on the Installment Plan is a fictionalized coming-of-age story based on Céline’s youth in pre-World War I France. Absent are heroism, transcendence, love and the possibility of love. Instead, there is a lot of human action that comes to nothing. Death is not ennobling. That said, hopelessness has never been described with more wit, energy and imagination or more droll, breathtaking language. Here’s a sample of the black comedy, as the narrator remembers a local physician (all ellipses in the original): “The most exquisite deaths, remember that, Ferdinand, are those that attack us in our most sensitive tissues . . .” He had a precious, elaborate, subtle way of talking, like the men of Charcot’s day. His prospecting of the Rolandic, the third ventricle, and the gray nucleus didn’t do him much good . . . in the end he died of a heart attack, under circumstances that were… Read more →
My Worries Are Few
I have the ability to face up to the disturbing facts of life, except pain, sickness, death, poverty, rejection, loneliness, guilt, shame, confusion, doubt, imperfection, meaninglessness, futility and evil. Also fear of being laughed at and cruelty to animals. Read more →
Christmas In New Orleans
French Quarter French Quarter – Cafe du Monde French Quarter – Preservation Hall French Quarter – Bourbon Street Lafayette Cemetery #1 VooDoo BBQ Beau Rivage Resort & Casino (Biloxi, MS) Read more →
See You in Hell: Cardinal Law
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Arrivederci Roma! This is a tough one . . . hypocrites go in the Eighth Circle with frauds, but rapists go into the Seventh Circle for the violent. Anyway, Cardinal Law says hi. How appropriate that he was able to die before the end of 2017, when the Dictionary.com Word of the Year was “complicit.” See you in Hell! Read more →
The script of life is so unspeakably beautiful to read because death looks over our shoulder. — Martin Buber
Is Healthcare a Right or an Entitlement?
That’s the title of a lengthy article on LinkedIn in which the author makes the following argument: I had to spend more than $30,000 on cancer treatment. Therefore, healthcare is a right, not an entitlement. Because having a “right” to something implies that you have the right to force another person to work and pay for that thing. Someone else must exert positive effort to help you – and not because you make it worthwhile for that person to exert that effort on your behalf, but because the government will ultimately imprison him or her if he or she refuses to supply you with that to which you have a “right.” You can add a level of abstraction, i.e., “the government should pay for my healthcare” sounds more appealing than “another person should pay for my healthcare” but where do you think government gets the money to pay for things?… Read more →
See You in Hell, Ed Lee
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Ed Lee was the mayor of San Francisco, a sanctuary city. My plan was to have Ed shot to death by an illegal alien but he outsmarted me by dying of a heart attack before I could put all the pieces together. See you in Hell . . . Read more →
Al Franken and Ted Kennedy
I’m old enough to remember when a U.S. senator could actually kill a woman and not only NOT resign but be considered a legislative luminary, the lion of the Democratic party. (If you’re not old enough to remember that, google “Ted Kennedy.”) I’m hearing that Sen. Al Franken will be resigning his seat within the next day. The last straw was an allegation from a woman who said that Franken, before he was a senator, appeared to be about to kiss her and she moved away: He was between me and the door and he was coming at me to kiss me. It was very quick and I think my brain had to work really hard to be like ‘Wait, what is happening?’ But I knew whatever was happening was not right and I ducked. I was really startled by it and I just sort of booked it towards the… Read more →
The Miser and the Angel of Death
A miser had accumulated, by effort, trade, and lending, three hundred thousand dinars. He had lands and buildings, and all kinds of wealth. He then decided that he would spend a year in enjoyment, living comfortably, and then decide as to what his future should be. But, almost as soon as he had stopped amassing money, the Angel of Death appeared before him, to take his life away. The miser tried, by every argument which he could muster, to dissuade the Angel, who seemed, however, adamant. Then the man said: “Grant me but three more days, and I will give you one-third of my possessions.” The Angel refused, and pulled again at the miser’s life, tugging to take it away. Then the man said: “If you will only allow me two more days on earth, I will give you two hundred thousand dinars from my store.” But the Angel would… Read more →
The Family Nut Tree
A brother of Las Vegas shooter Stephen Paddock was arrested in Los Angeles on child pornography charges. Their father was a bank robber once on the FBI’s Most Wanted List. The nuts didn’t fall far from the nut tree in the Paddock family . . . Read more →
Good News, Bad News
Bad News: Americans are retiring later, dying sooner and are sicker in-between. Good News: I found this video of a rescued raccoon who thinks she’s a dog: Read more →
Connie Hawkins, 1942-2017
Connie Hawkins was my basketball role model growing up. I used to stretch my fingers around basketballs religiously so I could try to replicate his moves, most of which required the ability to palm the ball like a grapefruit (see photo). Also: Foul! The Connie Hawkins Story by David Wolf is one of the best sports books ever written. RIP Connie Hawkins Read more →
See You in Hell: Tom Petty Update
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] He was standing at the gates here but he wouldn’t back down. Go figure. See you in Hell . . . Read more →
Tom Petty, 1950-2017
In December 2016, Tom Petty talked with Rolling Stone about his then-upcoming 2017 tour, which just ended last week at the Hollywood Bowl here in Los Angeles: I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was thinking this might be the last big one. I have a granddaughter now I’d like to see as much as I can. I don’t want to spend my life on the road. Sad, as President Trump would say. Big life events can kill you . . . RIP Tom Petty Read more →
See You in Hell
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] I thought what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? Hugh Hefner says hi. See you in Hell . . . Read more →