My owner bought me a new kind of dog food called Wolf King. A wolf king is like an alpha pug.
“The bag says it’s for large-breed dogs,” his son said.
“Lightning is a large-breed dog,” my owner said.
“No he isn’t.”
“Except for his size, he is. He has the heart of a much larger animal.”
— Lightning 
There was a troubled-looking guy in Petco this afternoon giving away packets of Natural Balance dog food. He looked like a meth addict or something.
As I walked past him, he mumbled, without making eye contact, “Want some free dog food?”
“My dog won’t eat that shit,” I said, which is not true, but it certainly took the wind out of his sails.
Now you might say I wasn’t very charming but by verbally assaulting him in that way, I was motivating him to rehabilitate himself and get a real job.
Tough love . . .
I don’t like this dog food.
I will eat almost ANYTHING, including things that you normally wouldn’t think of as edible, like kleenex from the wastebasket, so if a dog food company produces something I don’t like to eat, they must really be doing something wrong.
— Lightning
