EppsNet Archive: Florida

61% Say It’s Time for Hillary Clinton To Retire

12 Sep 2017 /

61% Say It’s Time for Hillary Clinton To RetireRasmussen Reports

I feel like this is something the whole country can agree on.

Granted, 61 percent is not 100 percent but you have to take into account that 25 percent of Americans think the sun goes around the earth, nearly 30 percent of Americans ages 18 to 24 cannot locate the Pacific Ocean on a map and half the residents of Detroit can’t read.

Hillary Clinton has come out of seclusion just as we remember the 16th anniversary of 9/11, and as both Texas and Florida are underwater, and all she wants to talk about is Hillary Clinton.

This woman is completely tone-deaf, always has been and apparently always will be . . .


A University Professor Suggested Harvey Was Karma for Texas Republicans

30 Aug 2017 /

Then — he was fired.

The tweet, since deleted, from Kenneth L. Storey, formerly of the University of Tampa, read: “I dont believe in instant karma but this kinda feels like it for Texas. Hopefully this will help them realize the GOP doesnt care about them.”

In a follow-up, he said that “good people” in red states like Texas and Florida “need to do more to stop the evil their state pushes.” He continued: “I’m only blaming those who support the GOP there.”

Let this hurricane be a lesson to the evil people of Texas: Vote Democrat!

Embed from Getty Images

If you’re a university professor, left-of-center opinions usually won’t get you fired, but exceptions may occur.

Another professor, Kathy Dettwyler, was fired by the University of Delaware in June for writing in a now-deleted Facebook post that Otto Warmbier, who was taken into custody in North Korea, then fell into a coma and died, was “typical of the mindset of a lot of the young, white, rich, clueless males who come into my classes. Is it wrong of me to think that Otto Warmbier got exactly what he deserved?”

I’m going to say yes, thinking that certain people deserve to be killed for their immutable qualities is wrong.

A Google search reveals that Kathy Dettwyler, while maybe not rich, is white and clueless, and must have been young at one time.


Signs of Trouble

28 Jun 2017 /

When a headline starts with one of the following, rest assured there’s going to be trouble:

“Bungee jumper . . .”

“Florida woman . . .”

“YouTube gun stunt . . .”

Related link: How Much Paper Does It Take to Stop a .50-Cal Bullet?


Don’t Put a Sweater on a Pit Bull

2 Jan 2017 /

Police in Florida say a dog named Scarface attacked a family who tried to put a sweater on it.

Tampa police say the pit bull mix bit a 52-year-old woman who was trying to dress it Friday and her husband was attacked while trying to pull the dog off her. Police say the couple’s 22-year-old son was attacked while trying to stop the dog by stabbing it in the neck and head.

The three people escaped the house and left the dog in the backyard. They ended up in the hospital.

Italian greyhound

Woman attacked when she tries to put a sweater on the dog, husband attacked when he tries to pull the dog off his wife, son attacked while trying to stab the dog in the neck and head . . . meet your average, run-of-the-mill pit bull owners.

Folks, if you feel like you really must put a sweater on your dogs and you don’t want to end up in the hospital or the morgue, the dog of choice is the Italian greyhound. Those shivery little fuckers love to wear sweaters.

Visit any dog park in the fall or winter months and you’ll see IGs prancing about in sweaters, often hand-made by the owners. It is a match made in heaven.


What Are the Rules on Refusing a Religious Funeral?

21 Jun 2016 /

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. —- The father of the Orlando gunman said his son was buried at a Florida cemetery this week.

Seddique Mateen would not say where his son, Oman Mateen, was buried, but said it was an Islamic burial.

A lithographic painting depicting a Muslim funeral

Is a Muslim entitled to an Islamic funeral no matter what kind of atrocity he commits, in particular, an atrocity committed in the name of Islam? What are the rules on this?

Would a Catholic, for example, who pledged allegiance to the Pope before shooting 100 people be entitled to a funeral mass in the Church?

I remember a couple of years ago in Australia when an Islamic extremist got himself and a couple of hostages killed in a siege, the funeral director with the Lebanese Muslim ­Association said this:

We don’t care about him, we don’t know him, chuck him in the bloody shithouse. Nobody’s going to do his funeral. No Muslim funeral home will accept him. They can throw him in the bloody sea.

Anyone who does harm to Australians, we don’t want him. This is not a human, this is an animal. He killed innocent people … even if you paid us $3 million we would not do his funeral.


I Pledge Allegiance to [Omitted]

20 Jun 2016 /

House Speaker Paul Ryan called on the Obama administration Monday to “release the full, unredacted transcript” of the Orlando massacre gunman’s 911 calls, slamming the Justice Department’s censoring of all references to Islam as “preposterous.”

Here’s what Omar Mateen, the Orlando shooter, sounds like in the redacted transcript:

I pledge allegiance to [omitted] may God protect him [in Arabic], on behalf of [omitted].

No references to Islam, ISIS or Allah, who becomes “God [in Arabic].”

In other news, 911 calls from the Disney World alligator attack are being released after redacting all references to alligators.

It’s similar to 2012, when a terror attack (in Benghazi) was whitewashed in the months leading up to a presidential election, the thinking being that vulnerability to terrorism reflects poorly on the incumbent administration. This time they’re is not even bothering to lie about it (the Benghazi attack was supposedly a spontaneous response to an internet video), just “we’re taking out all references to Islam.”

Update: The DOJ has now reversed course and released a full transcript of at least one of the 911 calls. Allah is still “God [in Arabic]” but nothing else is omitted.


Is There an “Anti-Queer” Climate?

16 Jun 2016 /
Doogie Howser

Christian conservatives are responsible for the mass shooting at a gay bar in Orlando because they “created this anti-queer climate,” according to American Civil Liberties Union attorneys.

Agree that the summer climate in Orlando can be pretty oppressive but it’s just as bad for straight people.

Haha, but seriously folks, is there an “anti-queer climate” in America? I don’t see that. Can you think of 10 or 12 recent examples of “anti-queer” behavior that you’ve observed in your own life? Six? One? I can’t.

Quite the opposite: If a bakery doesn’t want to put two men on a wedding cake, it’s a national outrage. If a state doesn’t want penises in women’s bathrooms or locker rooms, it’s a national outrage.

America loves gays. Who in America is more beloved than Ellen and that Doogie Howser kid?

Now if you ask me “Is there an anti-Christian conservative climate in America?” I would say — and I’m neither a Christian nor a conservative — definitely yes.


Fight

27 May 2016 /

That is the difference between me and you.
You pack an umbrella, #30 sun goo
And a red flannel shirt. That’s not what I do.
I put the top down as soon as we arrive.
The temperature’s trying to pass fifty-five.
I’m freezing but at least I’m alive.
Nothing on earth can diminish my glee.
This is Florida, Florida, land of euphoria,
Florida in the highest degree.
You dig in the garden. I swim in the pool.
I like to wear cotton. You like to wear wool.
You’re always hot. I’m usually cool.

You want to get married. I want to be free.
You don’t seem to mind that we disagree.
And that is the difference between you and me.

— Laurel Blossom

Teaching Computer Science: Collected Thoughts

10 Jan 2015 /

If you recognize the person on this next slide, please raise your hand. Don’t yell out the name, just raise your hand.

Derek Jeter

About two-thirds of you recognize Derek Jeter. I thought everyone would recognize him, but still a clear majority.

I’m not a Yankees fan or a Derek Jeter fan particularly but the Captain and I are on the same page on this topic. I have to admit I was pretty competitive as a student. I didn’t want anyone to do better than me and I especially didn’t want anyone to do better than me because they worked harder than me.

This Jeter quote reminded me of a quote from another notable sports figure . . .

Bob Knight

This is Bob Knight, college basketball coach, most notably at the University of Indiana. He won 902 games, three NCAA championships, and he coached the 1984 Olympic basketball team to a gold medal.

Notice that he says “everyone” and “no one.” He doesn’t say some people don’t want to come to practice. There’s a universal aspiration to accomplish great results without a corresponding level of effort. I recognize that in myself, definitely. As far as I can tell, this approach rarely if ever works, even for people we think of as prodigies.

Mozart used to say that anyone who thought composing music came easily to him was very much mistaken. While all the other kids were playing kickball, Mozart was in the house practicing his music lessons. In case you’re thinking that kickball wasn’t even a game at that time, you may be right. The point is that if there was kickball, Mozart wouldn’t have been playing it because he was practicing his music lessons.

One more on this topic . . .

Michelangelo's David

This is a quote from Michelangelo. Nothing great seems to happen without a lot of practice.

Once again, please raise your hand if you recognize the person on this next slide.

Anton Chekhov

He looks Russian.

Yes, he is Russian.

Dostoevsky? Tolstoy? Mendeleev? Pushkin? Boris Pasternak?

No . . . he’s known as an author of plays and short stories.

[A student sitting next to a smart but quiet young man from Russia points to the Russian boy and says, “He knows.”]

Who is it? Chekhov.

Right . . . this is Anton Chekhov. He wasn’t a programmer but his advice is relevant to many different endeavors.

Don’t overcomplicate things. A good heuristic – which is a fancy way of saying “rule of thumb” – is to do the simplest thing that could possibly work. Method A could work, Method B could work — which one should we try first? Try the simplest one first.

Note that the heuristic doesn’t say to do the simplest thing. If the simplest thing couldn’t possibly work, don’t do it. Do the simplest thing that might actually work.

One final slide. I don’t think anyone will know these people so I’m not asking for a show of hands.

2 days in a closet

I saw an article last week about a man and a woman who were “trapped” in a janitor’s closet at the Daytona State College Marine and Environmental Science Center for two days. They got themselves in the closet last Sunday and finally on Tuesday, the gentleman on the right got the idea to call 911. Why that idea took two days to incubate is unclear. Police showed up to let them out and found out the closet was not locked. They could have opened the door themselves.

Maybe the lock was meth’d up, like the woman. “Meth’d” up, get it?

Are they students at Daytona State College? The article doesn’t say. Do any of you have Daytona State College on your college wish list? If so, you may want to take it off. Or just keep it as a safety school in case Harvard and the Sorbonne don’t come through for you.

What can we learn from this story? I don’t want to say “don’t make assumptions” but don’t make unwarranted assumptions. Don’t make assumptions about things that you can easily verify. If you’re in a closet, don’t assume the door is locked. Try it and see. A lot of uncertainty can be dispelled by trying things out.

Assumptions can hurt you as a programmer. You might be stuck because you’re assuming some condition is true that isn’t true. Or you’re assuming that some condition can never be true when it really can be true. Don’t make unwarranted assumptions.

I couldn’t help noticing that a lot more people recognized Derek Jeter than recognized Anton Chekhov. If you want to achieve great renown, if you want to be part of the public consciousness, entertain people in a simple-minded way, like hitting a ball with a stick and running around in a park. People can be entertained by Derek Jeter without expending any effort.

Where Chekhov went wrong is that he failed to anticipate a world where nobody reads anymore. Furthermore, he believed that the role of an artist was to ask questions, not to answer them. His plays and stories don’t have a traditional structure where everything is tied up neatly at the end, so you not only have to put in the time to read them, you have to go into overtime to ponder the moral ambiguities. Who has time for that in their busy lives?


The Softball Waivers

24 Jul 2014 /

Our company’s having an in-house softball game tonight, hosted at a field across the street at UC Irvine . . .

Three-Quarter Century Softball Team

Members of the Three-Quarter Century Softball Club: St. Petersburg, Florida (Photo credit: State Library and Archives of Florida)

That’s not our actual team in the picture, the difference being that the players in the picture look like they may have been athletes at one time.

I’m not playing because I have a piano lesson tonight. (Actually, I wouldn’t have played anyway because I can no longer do things like run and see that used to serve me so well on the diamond all those years ago. But the piano lesson is a convenient excuse.)

Everyone who is playing had to sign a waiver provided by UCI. Good move. Company softball games are rife with injuries. I picture a scenario like this:

Dear UCI Parents,

We regret that your students are not able to graduate on time, but as you know, we’ve had to cut back drastically on our course offerings since the infamous softball lawsuit of 2014.


That’s Why It’s Called the Opposition Party

6 May 2014 /
Charlie Crist

Charlie Crist, former Republican and currently Democratic candidate for governor in Florida, on why he changed parties:

I couldn’t be consistent with myself and my core beliefs, and stay with a party that was so unfriendly toward the African-American president. I’ll just go there. I was a Republican and I saw the activists and what they were doing, it was intolerable to me.

It was so intolerable that Crist left the GOP in 2010 — four years ago — and he’s just bringing this up now?

Has anyone asked this fool why Republicans have been unfriendly to all other Democratic presidents? Or why Democrats have been unfriendly to all GOP presidents? What is his theory on that?

Is he really this stupid or is he counting on his target audience being this stupid? I suspect the latter . . .


I Killed a Guy in Florida

5 Sep 2013 /

Lightning in Florida

Lightning Epps

Hi everybody! it’s me, Lightning!

I knew I should have killed those two guys under the truck so there wouldn’t be any witnesses.

HA HA! Kidding! I wasn’t even in Florida!

— Lightning paw


Were They Boxers?

12 Aug 2013 /
Tags: , ,

Blacks Benefit Most from ‘Stand Your Ground’

20 Jul 2013 /

African Americans benefit from Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” self-defense law at a rate far out of proportion to their presence in the state’s population, despite an assertion by Attorney General Eric Holder that repealing “Stand Your Ground” would help African Americans.

Black Floridians have made about a third of the state’s total “Stand Your Ground” claims in homicide cases, a rate nearly double the black percentage of Florida’s population. The majority of those claims have been successful, a success rate that exceeds that for Florida whites.


At Least He Went Out a Winner

9 Oct 2012 /
Cockroach champ Edward Archbold

Edward Archbold was, according to those who met him on Friday night, the life of the party – a bit of a showoff who was up for anything, even a giant cockroach-eating contest.

He won. And then, tragically, he died.

Not every death is a tragedy. (We pause here for a moment to give Darwin a chance to spike the football.)

Whenever I hear someone described as “a bit of a showoff who’s up for anything,” I find myself wondering how soon they can die in some bizarre attempt to attract attention.

Given what we know about the deceased, how surprised are you — on a scale of zero to 10 — that a shirtless mug shot was available for use in his obituary?


Photos from NARCh 2011 – Ft Myers, FL

22 Aug 2011 /


NARCh 2011 – Day 4

23 Jul 2011 /

Semifinal: Devil Dogs vs. Tour Stealth

Both teams played a strong game. The Devil Dogs gave up the first goal, evened it up at 1-1, then allowed the go-ahead goal with about four minutes left.

They had some chances to tie it back up but couldn’t make it happen.

Stealth added an empty-net goal with two seconds left.

Final Score: Stealth 3, Devil Dogs 1

Semifinal: Choice Inline Selects vs. Top Gun

I didn’t see this game because I was watching the Devil Dog semi so I can’t tell you anything about it other than the final score.

Final Score: Selects 4, Top Gun 2

 

Bronze Medal Game: Devil Dogs vs. Top Gun

Three of the four teams in the semifinals win a medal — gold, silver or bronze. One team — the loser of the bronze medal game — doesn’t.

Coming into this game, I was trying to figure out how to convince my kid, if his team lost, that even though they ended the tournament with two losses and came away with nothing, they still played a great tournament — better than all but three of the teams in the country.

As it turned out, I didn’t have to do that.

The Devil Dogs were quite a bit better than Top Gun and dominated the game. They were faster and stronger and got to every puck first.

My boy scored the last goal of the game. I’ve watched him play a lot of games and score a lot of goals over the last 12 years or so but he’s starting college in a few weeks and his future hockey plans are uncertain at this time. It may be the last goal he ever scores.

Final Score: Devil Dogs 6, Top Gun 0

 

Final: Choice Inline Selects vs. Tour Stealth

Both teams are strong defensively. The game was scoreless until midway through the second period. Stealth took a 1-0 lead and the Selects tied it 1-1 with 1:13 left in the game.

It looked like the game was headed for overtime when the top shooter from Stealth fired a perfect wrist shot into the top left corner of the net, past the best goalie in the division, to win the tournament with 1.1 seconds remaining.

Final Score: Stealth 2, Selects 1

 

My expectations for this Devil Dog team started out pretty low. They haven’t been a powerhouse team this season. The goaltending and discipline have been subpar at times.

They hadn’t won a tournament in a while even in local and regional events, so my hopes were not high for their ability to compete at the national level.

At the beginning of the tournament, my hope was that they would at least win a game.

When they won a game, I hoped that they would win another game. Then I hoped they would make the playoffs. Then I hoped they would make the semifinals and then I hoped that they would win a medal.

I just saw all the kids eating pizza in the lobby of the hotel here so I took the opportunity to tell them that they’re great players, they’ve got a lot of heart, and I’ve really enjoyed watching them play.

That’s it from Florida, where the weather’s been great except for the heat, humidity and thunderstorms.

Heading back home in the morning . . .


NARCh 2011 – Travel Day

20 Jul 2011 /
Mario Williams

LA to Houston

We’re waiting at LAX for a flight to Houston when a large black man in his 20s sits down near us in the waiting area.

“I could take that guy one-on-one,” my kid announces.

I’m about to mention to him that not every big black dude is necessarily a basketball player when he says, “Wait a minute, isn’t that Mario Williams?”

I have to admit to him that I wouldn’t recognize Mario Williams if I saw him.

He pulls up a photo of Mario Williams on his iPhone. “Yeah,” I say, “that does look like him.”

“And he’s waiting for a flight to Houston? That’s got to be Mario Williams.”

The final clue is that the guy is decked out in Adidas gear from head to toe. A Google search for “mario williams adidas” on the iPhone reveals that Mario Williams has a sponsorship deal with Adidas.

So we’re pretty sure we saw Mario Williams at the airport.

 

Houston to Florida

Continental changed up the seat assignments . . . the boy ends up in Row 8 while I’m back in Row 26.

“I’m way ahead of you,” he says. “I can pick up the rental car and drive to the hotel before you even get off the plane.”


So Long, Thrillseeker!

4 Feb 2010 /
Lemon shark

Sharks kill man kite-surfing off south Florida

Reuters

Some people say life is too short. I say if you’ve got time for inane activities like kite-surfing, your life has already gone on way too long . . .


Toronto in July

8 Jul 2009 /

We’re off to Toronto for a week for NARCh. I wonder what the weather’s like in Toronto in July. At least there won’t be thunderstorms every day like the NARCh tournaments we went to in Florida.

Let me check the forecast . . .

Toronto weather forecast


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