EppsNet Archive: Grocery Stores

The Potato Chips Are Not Optional

4 May 2014 /

Lay's potato chips

A woman comes home from the grocery store with three bags of Lay’s Potato Chips . . .

“These were on sale,” she says. “You buy three bags and each bag is $1.53. You know how much one bag is usually? $4.50. It’s like buying one bag and getting two bags free.”

“How much would it cost if we bought no bags of potato chips?” someone asks.

“That’s not an option.”


Regrets, I’ve Had a Few

9 Feb 2014 /

I had three boxes of Coke Zero at the self-checkout. After I took each one out, scanned it and put it back in the cart, I realized that I could have just taken one box out and scanned it three times.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda . . .


Alternative Uses for Beer

19 Apr 2012 /
Stone IPA

I’m picking up a few things at Trader Joe’s — some Clif bars, a couple boxes of cereal and a bottle of IPA.

The checker points to the bottle and says, “That’s good. Have you tried it?” Like he’s the beer expert and I don’t know anything.

“Yeah, I’ve tried it.” Not to be outdone, I pointed to the cereal boxes and said, “Have you tried it on cereal?”

“No.”

“Well . . . think about it.”


Another Thing I Learned in Canada

15 Jul 2009 /

Our hotel room had a fridge, so we went to the market to stock up on a few drinks and snacks. We weren’t planning to buy a lot of stuff so instead of a cart we just put the items in a hand basket.

At the checkout line, the girl asked me, “Do you want bags for this?”

Am I missing something? “How else are we going to get it to the car?” I asked.

“I’m going to charge you for them,” she said, “so I have to ask you if you want them.”

Plastic grocery bags in Canada will set you back five cents apiece . . .


How Korean Markets Keep Prices Low

29 Jun 2009 /
Korean market

My wife’s in a great mood. She’s just back from grocery shopping at the local Korean market, where fresh produce is sold cheaply.

“Guess how much for these,” she says excitedly, holding up a package of eggs.

“How many are there?”

“Twenty.”

I haven’t bought eggs in years so I have no idea how much they cost. I’m thinking of guessing $1.99 but I don’t want to undershoot the real price and take all the fun out of it for her.

“Two ninety-nine,” I say.

“Ninety-nine cents!” She’s now holding up a small carton of fruit. “How much for these?” she asks.

“What are those?”

“Boysenberries.”

“Ninety-nine cents,” I say, since that was the right answer on the eggs.

“Thirty-three cents! How can they sell this stuff so cheap?”

“They sneak around local farms by night, stealing eggs and boysenberries. It’s the only possible explanation.”


Well Played, Sir

28 Feb 2008 /
Grocery clerk

I’m waiting in line at Trader Joe’s while the checkout guy engages the woman in front of me in a conversation about her groceries, her occupation, where she went to school . . . it’s not even a particularly long conversation in terms of elapsed time . . . the guy just talks so fast that he’s able to cover a lot of ground.

Personally, I don’t like conversing with service personnel unless they’re attractive women, and even then I don’t like it that much.

OK, my turn. The first item out of the basket is a package of dog chews.

“What kind of dog do you have,” the guy asks.

I decide to try a little verbal jiu jitsu and say “We don’t have a dog. You ever try those things? They’re really good.”

It doesn’t even slow him down.

“Do they clean your teeth?” he asks. “I bet they do. We’ve got ’em in mint flavor, you know . . .”