EppsNet Archive: Grocery Stores

The Potato Chips Are Not Optional

A woman comes home from the grocery store with three bags of Lay’s Potato Chips . . . “These were on sale,” she says. “You buy three bags and each bag is $1.53. You know how much one bag is usually? $4.50. It’s like buying one bag and getting two bags free.” “How much would it cost if we bought no bags of potato chips?” someone asks. “That’s not an option.” Read more →

Regrets, I’ve Had a Few

I had three boxes of Coke Zero at the self-checkout. After I took each one out, scanned it and put it back in the cart, I realized that I could have just taken one box out and scanned it three times. Woulda, coulda, shoulda . . . Read more →

Alternative Uses for Beer

I’m picking up a few things at Trader Joe’s — some Clif bars, a couple boxes of cereal and a bottle of IPA. The checker points to the bottle and says, “That’s good. Have you tried it?” Like he’s the beer expert and I don’t know anything. “Yeah, I’ve tried it.” Not to be outdone, I pointed to the cereal boxes and said, “Have you tried it on cereal?” “No.” “Well . . . think about it.” Read more →

Another Thing I Learned in Canada

Our hotel room had a fridge, so we went to the market to stock up on a few drinks and snacks. We weren’t planning to buy a lot of stuff so instead of a cart we just put the items in a hand basket. At the checkout line, the girl asked me, “Do you want bags for this?” Am I missing something? “How else are we going to get it to the car?” I asked. “I’m going to charge you for them,” she said, “so I have to ask you if you want them.” Plastic grocery bags in Canada will set you back five cents apiece . . . Read more →

How Korean Markets Keep Prices Low

My wife’s in a great mood. She’s just back from grocery shopping at the local Korean market, where fresh produce is sold cheaply. “Guess how much for these,” she says excitedly, holding up a package of eggs. “How many are there?” “Twenty.” I haven’t bought eggs in years so I have no idea how much they cost. I’m thinking of guessing $1.99 but I don’t want to undershoot the real price and take all the fun out of it for her. “Two ninety-nine,” I say. “Ninety-nine cents!” She’s now holding up a small carton of fruit. “How much for these?” she asks. “What are those?” “Boysenberries.” “Ninety-nine cents,” I say, since that was the right answer on the eggs. “Thirty-three cents! How can they sell this stuff so cheap?” “They sneak around local farms by night, stealing eggs and boysenberries. It’s the only possible explanation.” Read more →

Well Played, Sir

I’m waiting in line at Trader Joe’s while the checkout guy engages the woman in front of me in a conversation about her groceries, her occupation, where she went to school . . . it’s not even a particularly long conversation in terms of elapsed time . . . the guy just talks so fast that he’s able to cover a lot of ground. Personally, I don’t like conversing with service personnel unless they’re attractive women, and even then I don’t like it that much. OK, my turn. The first item out of the basket is a package of dog chews. “What kind of dog do you have,” the guy asks. I decide to try a little verbal jiu jitsu and say “We don’t have a dog. You ever try those things? They’re really good.” It doesn’t even slow him down. “Do they clean your teeth?” he asks. “I bet… Read more →