EppsNet Archive: Hair

Things to Do With an Amputated Limb


I saw a guy in a men’s room today, on his way out, checking himself in the mirror and making a gesture with his hand like he was adjusting his hair, except he was totally bald. Some people, after having a limb amputated, can feel the limb as if it were still there. Does this also happen with hair? If you have a limb amputated, do you get to take it home with you? I’d like to stick my amputated arm up my sleeve and shake hands with people. Think of how great that would be on Halloween: “Have some candy, kid. AAAAAAHHHHHHH! MY ARM!” Read more →

A Man Combing His Hair in Public


A man in the men’s room at work this morning pulled out a comb and started combing his hair. No, it wasn’t Edd “Kookie” Burns. I mentioned this to a couple of co-workers, neither of whom found it striking, but I haven’t seen a man comb his hair in public since Happy Days went off the air . . . Read more →

Pink Shirt


As you get older and the color fades out of your hair and your face and your life, you need to compensate with more colorful attire. In case you’re wondering about the pink shirt . . . Read more →

Japanese and Korean Are the Same Thing


My son and I are driving through the neighborhood . . . an Asian kid about 12 years old rides by on a scooter. He lives across the street from us but I almost didn’t recognize him because he’s got his hair lightened and highlighted. “Typical Japanese,” my son says. “Japanese kids like to highlight their hair?” “Yeah,” he says, like it’s an obvious question. “That kid is Korean, isn’t he?” “Same thing.” Read more →

Aging Boy Bands


A Facebook friend posted some photos from the Backstreet Boys concert in L.A. last weekend. Most of the “boys” now have worse hairlines than I do. Shouldn’t bands named Boys or Kids be forced to retire when they start to go bald? Or at least change their name from, say, New Kids on the Block to Old Guys on the Porch? Read more →

Blago’s Football


This guy is beyond satire: [Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich] rarely turns up for work at his official state office in Chicago, former employees say, is unapologetically late to almost everything, and can treat employees with disdain, cursing and erupting in fury for failings as mundane as neglecting to have at hand at all times his preferred black Paul Mitchell hairbrush. He calls the brush “the football,” an allusion to the “nuclear football,” or the bomb codes never to be out of reach of a president. — International Herald Tribune Read more →