RT @presentationzen: 6 Easy Steps to Make Your Graph (Really) Ugly http://snipurl.com/k8c99 # Not every child is secretly a genius: http://bit.ly/Ksk8O # Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Kids
The Streets of Irvine Were Deserted
It was like a ghost town yesterday. The Lakers were playing a close-out game. It’s Finals Week at the local high schools. Everyone young and old had something to do. My own 10th-grade boy spent 12 hours Saturday studying at the Barnes and Noble cafe at the Marketplace, followed by an Extreme English Breakdown session yesterday at Starbucks on Culver . . . Good luck, students! Read more →
Shell or Chevron?
I gotta get some gas. I pull off the freeway — Shell or Chevron? They’re right next to each other. I check the price for regular — $2.93 either way. It’s a tossup. Then my son notices on a sign that the Shell gasoline is “nitrogen enriched.” “Nitrogen enriched!?” I say. “Are you kidding me?! Fuck Chevron . . . what is nitrogen, anyway?” “It’s an element.” “Yeah I know, but who can tell me why it’s a good idea to put it in gasoline? What are we, chemistry professors?” “It seeks out and destroys engine gunk.” “What? How do you know that?” “I read it on the sign.” “Oh . . . OK then, we’re going Shell!” Read more →
My Son Gets His Braces Off Today
It’s kind of sad. The orthodontist has been almost like a member of the family the last few years and I’m going to miss him . . . Read more →
The Angels Wanna Wear My Red Shoes
I’ve got the dog all hooked up for a walk but I don’t have shoes on . . . Look! Right here by the front door are my son’s prized possession — his red sneakers! He notices me slipping my feet into them and says, “Hey! What size are your feet? You’re not going to stretch them out, are you?” “Actually,” I say, “they feel a little loose.” “OK,” he says grudgingly. “Don’t step in any puddles.” Read more →
Women and Solitaire
We’re driving home from the hockey rink in Corona . . . my son’s playing solitaire on his iPod. As we’re pulling off the freeway in Irvine, he says, “I just won my first game the entire trip.” I say, “When I play it on the computer, I lose most of the time, but once in a while I’ll get like a three-game winning streak.” “Yeah, me too.” “It’s like women in that respect. The overall goal is to make you feel bad about yourself, but they throw in just enough positive reinforcement to keep you from giving up completely.” Read more →
Finding the Dragon
My son and I walk into Trader Joe’s . . . there’s a big sign that says “KIDS! Find the hidden dragon and win a prize!” “I’m going to find the dragon,” the boy announces. “I bet it’s at the free sample stand.” Not surprisingly, it’s not at the free sample stand, but while we’re there we’re able to drown our sorrows with some free baked beans and hot dogs . . . Read more →
Learning to Drive
My son’s learning to drive . . . pulling out of a parking lot, he turns right and clips the curb a little bit. I ask him, “Did you look left to make sure no one was coming?” “I saw no one was coming.” “How did you see that if you didn’t look?” “I saw it in my peripheral vision.” “Did you also see that curb you just hit in your peripheral vision?” Read more →
Twitter: 2009-05-23
Automaker bankruptcies: A success of the market system – http://bit.ly/1BgH7 # At Wingnuts w/Casey. For wings. # At Corona rink for AAU Nationals # Read more →
Shopping for Watches
I’m at Target shopping for a new watch. My son is with me. He’s 15 years old. “Bah,” he says, sizing up the display. “Where’s the platinum stuff?” “Look,” I say, “all I need here is an inexpensive watch that’ll tell me what time it is.” A guy behind us chortles. He knows what I’m talking about; he’s browsing through a rack of $19 Ray-Ban knockoffs. “Buy what you want then,” the boy says. “But my watch is very attractive to the ladies.” “What kind of watch do you have?” He’s not wearing one so I have to ask. “I’ll give you a hint,” he says. “It starts with an ‘R.’” “Very funny. What kind of watch do you have?” “OK, it’s a Casio. But it’s got a really cool band.” Read more →
I Can’t Read The Sign
I’m driving my son to hockey practice . . . at Barranca and Culver, an Asian kid is holding a sign with an arrow and something written in Chinese. Or Korean maybe. “Wow,” I say, “that is racist. I’m being totally excluded from the activity, whatever it is. If he had a sign saying ‘No Whites Allowed,’ it couldn’t be any more racist.” “Maybe that’s what it says,” my son suggests. “Good point.” Read more →
Microblog: 2009-04-26
At the rink for NARCh qualifier. At midnight? Yes # Read more →
The Sad Life of the Goalie Parent
Spring season just started for high school roller hockey. My son’s team has two goalies, one who’s really good and a backup who’s not ready yet to play at this level. The coach started the backup goalie at this week’s game. He gave up eight goals and the team lost. His mom was sitting next to my wife during the game. “I wish they’d take him out,” she said. She was almost crying. I am so glad my son doesn’t play goalie. Every kid makes mistakes and every kid has bad games but the highs and lows for goalies are too extreme. Read more →
Getting Pissed Off
My son tells me that when he has a hockey game, he’s now going to start getting pissed off as soon as we leave the house so he’s in the right frame of mind for the game. I can’t see how being pissed off is going to help anyone play better, but I think he’s sort of kidding. Anyway, we’re leaving for the rink . . . his mom made him a bowl of beans and rice to eat on the drive over. He takes one bite and says, “This meal SUCKS!” “Is this part of your new ‘get pissed off’ strategy?” I ask him. “The rice is SOGGY!” His phone buzzes. “Who is sending me a friggin’ TEXT message?” Read more →
Rated M for Mature
My son and I are watching a TV commercial for the Resident Evil 5 video game. “Rated M for Mature,” the commercial says. “Is anyone who plays video games really ‘mature,’” I ask, using finger quotes to emphasize “mature.” No reaction from the boy, a video game player himself. “You see what I mean?” I ask him. “No,” he says. Read more →
NARCh Qualifier
My son’s roller hockey team is playing in the NARCh qualifier in Irvine this weekend: one round-robin game tonight @ 10:10, one round-robin game tomorrow night @ 11:40, then the teams get seeded for single-elimination play on Sunday . . . Read more →
The Giving Tree
From the weekly Northwood High School bulletin: Do you like reading? Do you like children? Do you like children but not reading? Or reading but not children? Come to the Giving Tree meetings every Monday in Mr. Emery’s room 1103. Read more →
My Kid Gets a New Nickname
The counselor also stressed that colleges are looking for well-rounded kids, not just academic standouts. “If you’re talking about well-rounded kids, you’re talking about Casey,” I said. “He’s like a sphere, that’s how well-rounded he is.” “That can be his new nickname,” she said. “Sphere.” “I like it!” Read more →
The Best Counselor Ever
We were at Northwood High today for an academic planning session with my son and his counselor. One of the things the counselor went over in the college prep handbook was a section on interview tips. “At a private school like USC,” she told the boy, “you can schedule an interview with them if you think that will help your candidacy.” “UCLA won’t let you do that,” I added. “They don’t want to talk to you.” I went through the application process at both schools so I know all about it. “None of the UC schools will do an interview with you,” she said. “It’s very impersonal,” I said, “like if the DMV ran a university.” “It’s worse. At the DMV, eventually you’ll get to talk to someone.” “By the way,” I said, pointing to a “Joey Ramone, 1951-2001” poster on the wall, “do you think Joey Ramone is a… Read more →
Metacognitive
My son’s got an assignment to write a “metacognitive” for English — basically a short essay describing the thought process he went through in writing a longer essay. “Let me know if you need any help,” I say. “You know my motto: I never metacognitive I didn’t like.” Read more →