There’s a stranger in the house no one will ever see But everybody says he looks like me. — Elvis Costello, “Stranger in the House” Who is that sad little gray-haired man standing next to my tall, handsome boy? Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Kids
Outside the Lines
It’s the last high school roller hockey game of the regular season. One of the kids’ dads shows up for the first time and asks questions like, “Do they win most of their games?” Do they win most of their games?! Are you kidding?! You should know that. Even if you don’t come to the games, you could ask your kid when he gets home. Another dad has a great answer. “Come over here,” he says. “I want to introduce you to your son.” Over on the moms’ side of the bleachers, they’re talking about financial matters. One woman is sad because they bought their house at the peak of the market and they’re financially stuck in it for the foreseeable future. Another woman almost cries describing how 14 years of contributions to her husband’s 401k have been totally wiped out. Meanwhile on the rink, Northwood dominates Capo Valley pretty… Read more →
Here’s What I’ve Done
And when I die And when I’m dead, dead and gone, There’ll be one child born And a world to carry on, to carry on. — Laura Nyro, “And When I Die” It may seem like a small thing, but it’s the best thing I could do. I’ve raised — we’ve raised — and continue to raise, a boy who, at the age of 15, has exceeded me as a person in every way I can think of. He’s even taller than I am. So when I’m gone, he’ll take over my spot, and the world will be a better place . . . Read more →
Taco Tuesday
Hangintherejack.com has coupons for two free tacos, valid ONLY today — Tuesday, February 24, 2009 — from 12:00 a.m. to 11:59 p.m. I know this because my son printed out a sheaf of them last night and asked me to take him to Jack in the Box at midnight for a bedtime taco snack. When that idea sputtered, he laid out his plan for today as follows: Drive through Jack in the Box on the way to school and get two free tacos for breakfast. Drive through Jack in the Box on the way home from school. His mom will get two free tacos in the drive-through lane while he gets out of the car, goes inside and orders two more free tacos. For dinner, repeat Step 2. Read more →
So You Want to Be a Writer
The world is what it is; men who are nothing, who allow themselves to become nothing, have no place in it. — V.S. Naipaul, A Bend in the River This book would be a great gift from a parent to a child who is interested in becoming a writer. When Junior discovers that winning the Nobel Prize in Literature at age 69 entails spending most of one’s decades depressed, impoverished, ignored, and bitter, he will likely knuckle under and agree to pursue radiology. — Philip Greenspun Read more →
A Lesson in Trust
The dog has a stuffed bear he likes to sleep with. Unfortunately, it’s now bedtime and we don’t know where the bear is. “Have you seen his bear?” I ask my wife. “I think he had it upstairs,” she says. “Either in our room or Casey’s room.” “Upstairs” and “bear” are two of the words the dog recognizes so he’s already charged upstairs and waiting for me on the top step. I walk up and ask him, “Where’s your bear?” He runs into my room. We look around in there and can’t find it so we go down the hall to the boy’s room where he’s sitting on the bed doing homework. I say to him, “Where is it, you bear-stealin’ varmint?” He gets up and walks out of the room. “Thanks for the help,” I call after him. “Come on, Lightning, we’ll conduct the search without him.” A few… Read more →
Living on the Edge
I’ve just poured myself a Diet Pepsi when my son announces that diet sodas are unhealthy. “They add things to the diet sodas so they’re even more unhealthy than regular sodas.” I ask him, “What do they add?” “I didn’t get that far into it,” he says, “The article started to get boring.” “In that case, I’m going to go ahead and drink this thing.” Read more →
A Trade, Not a Steal
We were watching the NBA All-Star Game yesterday when someone — Marv Albert, I think — said that Pau Gasol was acquired in a “steal” by the Los Angeles Lakers. My son takes exception. “That wasn’t a steal,” he says. “It was a trade. Javaris Crittenton is a very capable player.” Read more →
A Lack of Foresight
It’s chilly tonight in Orange County — temperatures in the low 40s — but the dog still needs to go out for a walk so I ask my son to please take care of it. “It’s kinda cold,” he says. “It’s okay,” I reply. “He’s got fur.” “I don’t have fur.” “You should have thought of that when you asked for a dog.” Read more →
Why Parents Do What They Do
And I know a father who had a son He longed to tell him all the reasons for the things he’d done — Paul Simon, “Slip Sliding Away” This story needs a quick setup . . . My son’s two-year-old birthday party was a festive event. The whole neighborhood was there! We had a bounce house, a clown . . . the only thing that marred the day slightly was that as everyone sang “Happy Birthday,” his mom lifted him up so he could see the cake, and he stuck his finger out and touched a lit candle. It wasn’t a bad burn but he did cry for a while. We have a video of this. That’s why he remembers it. So — we’re having a late lunch today at Souplantation. A kid who looks about four years old runs down the aisle, turns the corner and runs back up… Read more →
Working on Some Moves
My son’s dribbling a basketball in the family room, working on some moves. His mom comes in and tells him to knock it off. He responds by posting her up and backing her down . . . Read more →
Whatever Helps
It was after 11 p.m. last night. I was already in bed but my son was still downstairs doing homework. He’s got a hockey game tonight in Huntington Beach and he wanted to work ahead a little bit. Then I heard: “WOOOOOOO! WAAAAAAAH! BABABABABABABABABABABABABA!” I got up, went out to the stairs and yelled down, “What are you DOING?” “It’s my homework war cry!” he yelled back. Hmmm — having a homework war cry actually sounds like a pretty good idea to me so I let the matter slide and went back to bed . . . Read more →
How to Get an A in Honors History
First semester grades are out. My son missed getting straight A’s by a point and a half. He had an 88.5 in honors history. He got an A in honors English with a 90.14. The honors classes at Northwood are very demanding. Even the best students get low A’s and high B’s. Three kids got A’s in the history class. The high score was a 91.1. “The 91.1 is Ted,” my son says. We know Ted. “Ted is history. He’s bad at math, average in English, but he knows everything there is to know about history.” “Make sure you touch base with the history teacher,” I say. “Let him know you’re really doing your best for him and ask him what you need to do to get that extra point and a half this semester. He’ll tell you.” “He’ll say, ‘Study hard, get a good score on all the assignments,… Read more →
Semester Break
My wife is telling me that because Northwood finals are over today — Thursday — the boy now has a four-day weekend. “You’ve got to be kidding,” I say. It kind of makes sense to have Friday off, but why Monday? “It’s semester break,” the boy says. “Semester break?!” “That’s right. It’s like the off season.” The off season . . . it’s so ridiculous I have to laugh. “Isn’t it nice you have a funny family?” my wife says. “It’s like the all-star break,” the boy says. Read more →
Hockey Moms on the Road
My 15-year-old son and I were at the Embassy Suites happy hour having drinks (me) and snacks (him) with some of the other hockey parents and kids. One of the hockey moms was a really-hot-for-a-45-year-old redhead whose son plays for another team. “I haven’t seen your son in a while,” she whispered to me. “He looks so different.” “Yeah, he’s a lot taller,” I said. “Not just taller. He’s a gorgeous young man.” “Oh. Thanks.” She spent the next hour chatting him up, asking him about features on her iPhone, and so on . . . “Because she was drunk,” the boy said later. She was kinda drunk, but that wasn’t the only thing going on. Her husband was sitting a couple of chairs away the whole time, surfing the web on his Blackberry, and never even looked in her direction. I was talking to my son’s hockey coach… Read more →
Winternationals – Day 3
The Devil Dogs lost to the Quakes 1-0 in the semifinals. It was a great game all the way. The Quakes goalie made three or four unbelievable saves, including one in the last minute where a shot deflected off someone’s stick or skate right into his glove, instead of three inches higher and into the net. We’re going to check out now, save an extra night at the hotel, and head for home . . . Update: The Quakes beat the West Coast Warriors, a British Columbia team, 3-1 in the final. Read more →
Winternationals – Day 2
Round robin games are over. The Devil Dogs — my son’s team — are in the Bantam Gold semifinals tomorrow morning. If they win, they’ll play in the finals at 1 p.m. Unfortunately, they’re playing the Silicon Valley Quakes Black, the only team that beat them in the round robin. You’d have to say that the Quakes are the better team. They’re faster and they attack every second — even on defense. The Devil Dogs weren’t ready for them in the round robin game. They fell behind 3-0, but came back to lose by only 4-3. If the teams played 10 times, the Quakes would probably win 7 of them — but the Dogs still have a chance in a one-game do-or-die. Read more →
Preparing Kids for Success
As a music teacher I often ask myself if we are truly preparing our students for success. I am not just referring to how well we teach the students to play their instruments, but more importantly if the students will take with them lessons/knowledge/experiences that will prepare them to be strong contributing members of any challenging discipline, and to any organization, in music and other areas of interest. Approximately 70% of students in any youth orchestra will more than likely select a non-music related profession. Of the students who pursue music as a major in college, a strong percentage of them will end up pursuing a livelihood that is not centered around music. So then, what skills will the young person take with him if he does not become a professional musician? … I began coaching chamber ensembles how to communicate and lead from within the ensemble, and play without… Read more →
My Son Gets a Haircut
That’s my son getting a haircut to start the new year. I told the stylist to make him look like the boy in the photo. He doesn’t know it yet. Shhhhhhh! Read more →
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
My son sees a book I’m reading lying on a table . . . “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance,” he says. “What kind of a title is that?” I say, “It’s hard to explain.” “Life,” he says in a mystical voice, “is like a motorcycle. You must maintain your motorcyle.” He makes a gong sound . . . I am in an enormous vault, dead, and they are paying their last respects. It’s kind of them to come and do this. They didn’t have to do this. I feel grateful. Now [my son] motions for me to open the glass door of the vault. I see he wants to talk to me. He wants me to tell him, perhaps, what death is like. I feel a desire to do this, to tell him. It was so good of him to come and wave I will tell him… Read more →