People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is demanding that people stop using animal terms as insults — such as calling other humans “chicken” or “pig” — not because they want to encourage good manners but because it’s “speciesist” language. I really don’t understand the obsession some people have with telling other people how to speak. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Virus Preparation Critics
I’m hearing a lot of people questioning why our country wasn’t better prepared for the coronavirus pandemic. Which countries were prepared? Can you get me a list? Were you prepared for everything that’s happened in your life? You weren’t? Do you consider yourself inadequate? Were you prepared for tragedy? Who is prepared for the unimaginable? Read more →
More Words and Phrases I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Signage
Like most words, the plural of “sign” is formed by adding an “s” on the end, not by adding “age.” Someone must have figured out that “signage” sounds more impressive to the clientele. “That’s a lot of money just to put up some signs.” “We’re not putting up signs, we’re putting up signage.” Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Chevron
I like the sodas at Chevron . . . they’re not restaurant quality, but they’re better than the flat, tasteless sodas you get at most other gas stations. On the downside, Chevron as often as not has some donate-a-buck-to-charity shakedown going on at the register. “Would you like to donate a dollar to CHOC?” the clerk asks as he rings up my soda. “No, but if Chevron wants to take a dollar out of the price of that soda and donate it, I’m okay with that.” If I want to donate to CHOC, I’ll donate to CHOC. If Chevron wants to donate to CHOC, let Chevron donate their own money to CHOC. Don’t strong-arm the customers into donating, then pat yourself on the back for your charitable activities. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Colleagues whose most conspicuous contribution to the workplace is to laugh irrepressibly at the boss’s jokes . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Acquisitive yuppies who, instead of holding their infant, wear the child in a harness on their chest, thus keeping their hands free for grabbing more stuff . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who say “What does this button do?” and immediately press the button without waiting for an answer . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who ask for sample cups at the yogurt shop. A couple of possible explanations: You’re trying to eat a bunch of yogurt without paying for it. You’re an idiot and you’re genuinely puzzled by the mysterious flavor names like “Strawberry.” You need a sample cup to figure out what the Strawberry yogurt tastes like? It tastes like strawberry. You want to know what the Coconut flavor tastes like? Coconut. How about the Mango? Either way, you’ve got to pull yourself together . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Is anyone else sick of paying for an ever-expanding army of bureaucrats to meddle in their lives? Or is it just me? Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
New poll finds 9 in 10 Native Americans aren’t offended by Redskins name — The Washington Post Man, am I sick of people who get offended on behalf of a group they don’t belong to, projecting their own phony outrage on the group members and their own biases on non-group members. In light of the poll results, non-Native American opponents of the Redskin name seem to have changed their position slightly to say that Native Americans are in fact being offended but are too dumb to realize it. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Males over the age of 10 who lower their pants at public urinals . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Joe Lunardi
Does anyone have a more useless job than “bracketologist” Joe Lunardi? He spends the entire college basketball season forecasting tournament seedings: this team’s in, this team’s out, this team’s on the bubble, this team is going to be seeded number whatever . . . Then the season ends and the actual tournament seedings are announced, making all of Joe Lunardi’s work meaningless. Either the actual seedings line up closely with Joe Lunardi’s predictions or they don’t, but other than Joe Lunardi, who cares? On that note, here’s an article by Joe Lunardi explaining “how the selection committee got so much wrong” with this year’s brackets: The committee’s performance is slipping, year over year, and it’s my job to point that out when necessary. . . . what you have is a selection and bracketing process that appears to have gone off the rails. Actually Joe, your job, if I understand… Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Michael Bloomberg
Michael Bloomberg decides against run for president — CNN Money The only thing I know about Bloomberg’s political career is that he banned the sale of large cups of soda in New York. Forget that I think drinking large cups of soda is one of the great pleasures of life, anyone who can’t mind his own goddamn business a little better than that, anyone who considers himself entitled and qualified to tell people what to do with their lives at that kind of a micro level, should be beaten with sticks, not elected to public office. What would he do as president, institute a national bedtime? Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Second-Guessers
I spent my lunch hour listening to co-workers second guess the Panthers offensive play-calling in yesterday’s Super Bowl. I don’t like second-guessers, for a couple of reasons. Once a game is over, it’s easy to say the team that lost should have done something different. Feel free to advance any theory you want since there’s no way to wind back the clock and falsify it. It’s like taking a test when you already know the answers. It gives you an opportunity to make yourself sound smarter than the people who had to take the test without knowing the answers. What are the odds that someone with his fat ass parked on a sofa watching the game really came up with a better play-calling strategy than the coaching staff of a team with 17 wins and 1 loss? Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
If you’re a fussy germaphobe who refuses to eat anything with your hands, please learn to chew with your mouth closed. You’re way too annoying to be around already. Resemblance to a real person would be a coincidence. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who advise you to “embrace failure.” Probably good advice, but if I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it ten thousand times. We get it: Embrace Failure. Let’s move on already. Extra demerits: You have opinions on other completely played-out topics like management vs. leadership and how to optimize your LinkedIn profile. People who say “Can I put you on hold for a moment?” and then immediately put me on hold without giving me a chance to sigh ostentatiously and say “If you must.” Full-grown adults who tell you how sexually attracted they are to an actor or actress in a movie. Extra demerits: You invent your own fawning vocabulary with words like “droolworthy.” Your ability to be sexually aroused by a fantasy on a movie screen doesn’t enhance my opinion of you at all. Try maintaining a relationship in real life with someone who’s no more attractive than you… Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: People Married to Their Best Friend
It’s not very romantic, first of all. Did Romeo and Juliet marry their best friend? Did Liz and Dick marry their best friend? Did Scott and Zelda marry their best friend? Did Rhett and Scarlett marry their best friend? A married person has to fill so many roles already: husband/wife, parent, sex partner, wage earner, handyman, cook, mental health professional, grammar coach, etc., etc., etc. A little help on the best friend front would be a welcome breath of fresh air. I don’t know who my wife’s best friend is and I don’t care, as long as it’s not me. Men: if you need a best friend, buy a dog. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who “weigh in” on things rather than minding their own business . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who post love letters to their spouse on Facebook: I’m a fairly smart guy. I’ve done smart things and dumb things. But by far, the smartest thing I ever did was 32 years ago today: I married [wife’s name]. I knew she was beautiful, smart, fun, and kind. And pregnant. You left out “pregnant.” And that she has a father with a Sicilian code of ethics who was not going to let his daughter give birth out of wedlock. What I’ve learned over the years is that she is all those and so much more. My wife is loyal, strong, persistent, faithful, courageous, generous . . . Congratulations, you married a Boy Scout! . . . and a person of great integrity. Additionally, she’s a gifted musician. Oh come on, everyone knows that’s not true. She’s not even as good as me and I’m a complete phony. At 24,… Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Men who schedule haircut appointments, especially men who schedule haircut appointments for weekday afternoons. Men who use the word “diva” in reference to their cat. Read more →