EppsNet Archive: People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

21 May 2016 /
Redskins primary logo 1972-1981, 1983-present

New poll finds 9 in 10 Native Americans aren’t offended by Redskins nameThe Washington Post

Man, am I sick of people who get offended on behalf of a group they don’t belong to, projecting their own phony outrage on the group members and their own biases on non-group members.

In light of the poll results, non-Native American opponents of the Redskin name seem to have changed their position slightly to say that Native Americans are in fact being offended but are too dumb to realize it.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

30 Apr 2016 /
Ridnyi Krai editorial board in Poltava (1907)

Ridnyi Krai editorial board in Poltava (1907)

Washington Post editorial board calls on GOP to reject Trump as nomineeCBS News

“Morally, there is no other option,” according to the Post.

Yes, the problem is that most of us are not as morally enlightened as the Washington Post editorial board because if we were we would think and act exactly as they do.

What a crock of shit . . .


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

30 Apr 2016 /

Urinal

Males over the age of 10 who lower their pants at public urinals . . .


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Joe Lunardi

15 Mar 2016 /
Joe Lunardi

Does anyone have a more useless job than “bracketologist” Joe Lunardi? He spends the entire college basketball season forecasting tournament seedings: this team’s in, this team’s out, this team’s on the bubble, this team is going to be seeded number whatever . . .

Then the season ends and the actual tournament seedings are announced, making all of Joe Lunardi’s work meaningless. Either the actual seedings line up closely with Joe Lunardi’s predictions or they don’t, but other than Joe Lunardi, who cares?

On that note, here’s an article by Joe Lunardi explaining “how the selection committee got so much wrong” with this year’s brackets:

The committee’s performance is slipping, year over year, and it’s my job to point that out when necessary. . . . what you have is a selection and bracketing process that appears to have gone off the rails.

Actually Joe, your job, if I understand it correctly, is to accurately forecast the results of the selection committee. It’s not the job of the selection committee to match your predictions. And if your predictions don’t match the actual selections, that doesn’t indicate that the selection committee sucks, it indicates that you suck.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Michael Bloomberg

11 Mar 2016 /
Michael Bloomberg

Michael Bloomberg decides against run for presidentCNN Money

The only thing I know about Bloomberg’s political career is that he banned the sale of large cups of soda in New York. Forget that I think drinking large cups of soda is one of the great pleasures of life, anyone who can’t mind his own goddamn business a little better than that, anyone who considers himself entitled and qualified to tell people what to do with their lives at that kind of a micro level, should be beaten with sticks, not elected to public office.

What would he do as president, institute a national bedtime?


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Second-Guessers

8 Feb 2016 /
Super Bowl 50

I spent my lunch hour listening to co-workers second guess the Panthers offensive play-calling in yesterday’s Super Bowl. I don’t like second-guessers, for a couple of reasons.

  1. Once a game is over, it’s easy to say the team that lost should have done something different. Feel free to advance any theory you want since there’s no way to wind back the clock and falsify it. It’s like taking a test when you already know the answers. It gives you an opportunity to make yourself sound smarter than the people who had to take the test without knowing the answers.
  2. What are the odds that someone with his fat ass parked on a sofa watching the game really came up with a better play-calling strategy than the coaching staff of a team with 17 wins and 1 loss?

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

22 Jan 2016 /

If you’re a fussy germaphobe who refuses to eat anything with your hands, please learn to chew with your mouth closed. You’re way too annoying to be around already.

Resemblance to a real person would be a coincidence.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

8 Nov 2015 /
At the movies
  • People who advise you to “embrace failure.” Probably good advice, but if I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it ten thousand times. We get it: Embrace Failure. Let’s move on already. Extra demerits: You have opinions on other completely played-out topics like management vs. leadership and how to optimize your LinkedIn profile.
  • People who say “Can I put you on hold for a moment?” and then immediately put me on hold without giving me a chance to sigh ostentatiously and say “If you must.”
  • Full-grown adults who tell you how sexually attracted they are to an actor or actress in a movie. Extra demerits: You invent your own fawning vocabulary with words like “droolworthy.” Your ability to be sexually aroused by a fantasy on a movie screen doesn’t enhance my opinion of you at all. Try maintaining a relationship in real life with someone who’s no more attractive than you are, lover boy (or girl).

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: People Married to Their Best Friend

20 Sep 2015 /
Rhett and Scarlett

It’s not very romantic, first of all. Did Romeo and Juliet marry their best friend? Did Liz and Dick marry their best friend? Did Scott and Zelda marry their best friend? Did Rhett and Scarlett marry their best friend?

A married person has to fill so many roles already: husband/wife, parent, sex partner, wage earner, handyman, cook, mental health professional, grammar coach, etc., etc., etc. A little help on the best friend front would be a welcome breath of fresh air.

I don’t know who my wife’s best friend is and I don’t care, as long as it’s not me. Men: if you need a best friend, buy a dog.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

27 May 2015 /

Bette Midler weighs in

People who “weigh in” on things rather than minding their own business . . .


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

3 May 2015 /
I'm a Smart Guy!

People who post love letters to their spouse on Facebook:

I’m a fairly smart guy. I’ve done smart things and dumb things. But by far, the smartest thing I ever did was 32 years ago today: I married [wife’s name]. I knew she was beautiful, smart, fun, and kind.

And pregnant. You left out “pregnant.” And that she has a father with a Sicilian code of ethics who was not going to let his daughter give birth out of wedlock.

What I’ve learned over the years is that she is all those and so much more. My wife is loyal, strong, persistent, faithful, courageous, generous . . .

Congratulations, you married a Boy Scout!

. . . and a person of great integrity. Additionally, she’s a gifted musician.

Oh come on, everyone knows that’s not true. She’s not even as good as me and I’m a complete phony.

At 24, I had no idea what a wonderful person I was going to spend my life with. Now at 56, I’m starting to get it . . . a little. Happy Anniversary, [wife’s name]. I love you!

Who is the target audience for this stuff? If you have something to say to your wife, say it to your wife.

Additional demerits if the love letter is a mishmash of trite sentiments that could have been written by anyone about anyone.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

5 Mar 2015 /
  • Men who schedule haircut appointments, especially men who schedule haircut appointments for weekday afternoons.
  • Men who use the word “diva” in reference to their cat.

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

4 Mar 2015 /
  • Celebrities showing off their post-baby bodies
  • Anyone who asks for privacy by issuing a press release through their publicist
  • Anyone with a go-to karaoke song

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

3 Jan 2015 /

Larry Culpepper


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Brain Cancer Patients

31 Oct 2014 /

Brain cancer patients are worse than vegetarians — meddling busybodies telling everyone else how to live their lives.

Ever since Brittany Maynard announced her intention to end her own life, brain cancer patients have been coming out of the woodwork to tell her that she has no right to do that (see here, here, here and here).

Some people don’t want to die the kind of lingering death that exhausts the emotional and financial resources of their loved ones. In fact, I think most people don’t, but I think most people with a terminal illness imagine themselves dying a kind of radiant death like people with terminal illnesses in movies. By the time reality sets in, the dying person is past knowing or caring.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Breastfeeding Celebrities

8 Aug 2014 /

“In paths untrodden,” as Walt Whitman marvelously put it. “Escaped from the life that exhibits itself . . .” Oh, that’s a plague, the life that exhibits itself, a real plague!

— Saul Bellow, Herzog

Who the heck is Olivia Wilde and why is there a photo all over the Internet of her breastfeeding an infant in a restaurant booth? I mean, not a surreptitious candid photo of her discreetly breastfeeding. A posed photo! In a designer dress!

(I’m not posting or linking to the photo. If you haven’t already seen it, I’m sure you can find it.)

Well it’s a natural function, breastfeeding — right? Yeah, but there are a number of natural functions that need not be performed in public and photographed.

The life that exhibits itself . . . what a plague indeed.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Dr. Maya Angelou

4 Aug 2014 /
Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou received quite a few honorary doctoral degrees in her lifetime and elected for some reason to refer to herself as Dr. Maya Angelou, despite not having an earned doctoral degree and despite, to my knowledge, never attending college at all.

Many famous people are given honorary doctorates by universities but thank god they don’t all go around referring to themselves as, say, Dr. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dr. Mike Tyson, Dr. Glenn Beck, etc., etc., etc.

I’m also sick unto death of people who quote insipid thoughts from Maya Angelou as profundities, particularly if they refer to her as Dr. Maya Angelou when doing so.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

25 Jul 2014 /

People who say “I don’t take myself too seriously.”

Let people make up their own minds about whether you take yourself too seriously. If you think anyone’s interested in your reflective insights about yourself, then you take yourself too seriously.


More on Stuart Scott

18 Jul 2014 /

I am sick unto death of this guy. I just read a sentence from his speech:

You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.

Ugh. Sickening. Millions of people fighting cancer and he’s the one guy who’s figured out how to fight it the right way.

Like a lot of people, we have an immediate family member who had cancer, and like a lot of people, she battled it bravely, quietly, with humanity and dignity, and without any expectation of receiving an award, which she didn’t get. Unlike Stuart Scott, she never told anyone about all the unpleasant medical procedures she had to undergo and she never presented herself as a model for how life should be lived under difficult circumstances.

Fuck this guy.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Stuart Scott

17 Jul 2014 /

I’m hearing on the radio this morning that Stuart Scott received something called the Jimmy V Perseverance Award at the ESPYs last night . . .

Who knew you could get an award for having cancer? I am exhausted by sports people, media people, entertainment people, sports media entertainment people sucking each other’s dicks.

Stuart Scott and people like Stuart Scott have killed my enjoyment of sports with their endless self-promotional bullshit while I’m trying to watch highlights. I hate sports and it’s all because of Stuart Scott. And now he gets an award for having cancer.

Everyone unfortunately has family members and/or friends who get cancer and battle it to the best of their abilities without receiving a goddamn award. It’s insulting to all of those people to give someone an award for having cancer and it’s doubly insulting to accept an award for having cancer.

I have come to bear witness! I have faced my own mortality. I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat and snicker.

Yes, you and 1.7 million other people diagnosed with cancer every year in the U.S alone.

I am exhausted with people putting their lives on display based on a delusion about their own uniqueness and importance. Oh what a plague.

Fuck Stuart Scott.


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