“Get off,” my wife says — but the pug
Just looks at her and doesn’t move.
He’s lying in his favorite spot
Beside his master on the couch.

“Off,” she says — the dog just stares;
He could win a test of wills
But when she moves to pick him up
He concedes defeat and jumps.

“I want to sit there,” she explains.
He looks at her, he looks at me
Then jumps up from the other side,
Lying down across my lap

Sideways, facing down his foe
As if to say “Your move.”

We toasted the new year with a $42 bottle of Moet et Chandon — marked down to $25 at Albertson’s!

Lightning enjoyed gnawing on the cork . . . in fact, when anyone turned their attention away from their champagne glass, he’d stick his snout in and lap up some bubbly . . .

Originally uploaded by Studio 950.

I’ll be the first to admit that these are cute pug photos, but are people really paying $1,100 to take photos of their pets?!

It’s an old joke but does it ever really happen?

My son’s science homework for last night was to build some Lewis dots using Froot Loops. This morning, the dog ran out and managed to take a couple of bites of a Lewis dot before we were able to fend him off . . .

The dog is sitting attentively watching my son eat a chili dog.

“You’re not going to get any of that,” I explain to the dog. “He’s greedy. He makes Jack Welch look like Good King Wenceslas.”

“And you,” the boy says, “make Donnie ‘We Found Him’ look like one of the Three Wise Men.”

The boy going deep in the archives to pull out a Wild Thornberrys reference, in which Donnie — seen here hanging from a tree limb — was a feral boy raised by orangutans.

I took the dog for a walk this morning before dropping my son off at school . . . in theory, the dog is “his” dog, but in practice, I wind up doing most of the work.

As we got back from the walk, the boy was standing outside yelling, “Let’s go! We’re late!”

“Okay, Mr. Doesn’t-Do-Any-Work-While-Barking-Out-Orders-To-Others,” I said.

“That’s what leadership’s all about,” he said.

Pugs ‘N Pals holds an annual Pugtoberfest in Costa Mesa, a fun-filled day of costume contests and pug games.

Here are some links to photos and a video from this year’s event:

• http://www.flickr.com/photos/14782153@N04
• http://www.flickr.com/photos/joeesha/
• http://www.flickr.com/photos/pandorasparlor
• http://cbs2.com/video/?id=49923@kcbs.dayport.com

More recent pug photos from Flickr

Originally uploaded by Up Late Cakes.

Originally uploaded by gemini angel art.

Originally uploaded by ljc@flickr.

And finally . . .

A great Flickr set of pug photos.

My son’s working on the computer when Lightning the pug jumps in his lap and lays down on his arm.

“How am I supposed to type with a dog laying on my arm?” the boy asks either me or the dog, I’m not sure which.

Lightning looks at me and pants a few times.

“He says you need to start thinking outside the bun,” I tell the boy.

“Ummmm . . .”

“Yeah, I know, it doesn’t make sense to me either, but that’s what he said.”

Originally uploaded by Rocktopotomus.

Originally uploaded by dharmafrogs.

This next one is part of a set:

Originally uploaded by * katie.

Sometimes when my owner takes me to the dog park, people ask him what my name is. When he says “Lightning,” they laugh, like it’s a joke, a bit of irony, like naming a Great Dane “Tiny.”

Look, people, I’m almost 4 years old now, but when I was a puppy, I was really fast — for a pug. That’s why my owners named me Lightning.

I’m still fast when I go full speed. I just don’t do it that much anymore.

Don’t underestimate the pug.

Cypress man rescued by pet pug

— Orange County Register, July 26, 2007

I’m not surprised by this. Pugs are smart, brave, loving and loyal. Do not underestimate the pug.

Your canine correspondent,

Lightning Epps

Our dog is not fat, but he could probably stand to lose two or three pounds. To that end, I’ve been taking him for more walks and carefully measuring the amount of food he eats: one-half cup twice a day.

I’ve instructed my wife and kid, “When you feed the dog, no more than one-half cup per serving.“

I even bought a new measuring cup with bold markings to make it easy for everybody.

In spite of all this, the dog hasn’t lost any weight.

This morning, as I was about to give the dog his one-half cup of food, my wife looked at the measuring cup and said, “Oh my god! Is that all you feed him?!”

Originally uploaded by Velvet_.

Originally uploaded by Pinkpollyanna.

Originally uploaded by gina64.

Puggles are cute, but a puggle is still not as good as a pug . . .

Originally uploaded by laputa.

I read that pugs like the sound of their owner’s voice almost as much as they like food. That’s why it’s so important to talk to your pug.

“It’s important to talk to your wife too,” my wife says. “Pugs are easy to please. Pugs will always be there. Wives have a car and two feet.”

A guy brought a laser pointer to the dog park tonight so his retarded dog could chase the beam around like a nitwit.

He tried to get my dog to chase it, but the dog just looked back at him to see where the beam was coming from, which is the intelligent thing to do in that situation.

“The pug doesn’t see it,” the guy said.

“He sees it,” I explained, “but pugs are too smart to chase light beams.”

“What does being smart have to do with it?” Laser Guy asked.

“Would you run around the park chasing after a laser beam?” I asked. “You wouldn’t. You know why? Because it’s stupid. You can’t catch it. Chasing after a ball or a frisbee makes sense. I’ve done that myself. But running around after a light beam is just moronic.”