Even with the utterly lost, to whom life and death are equally jests, there are matters of which no jest can be made. — Edgar Allan Poe, “The Masque of the Red Death” I’m picking up Lightning’s prescription at the vet . . . the new girl, Lauren, is at the desk. I can hear a woman weeping loudly from back in the hospital area. “That doesn’t sound good,” I say. “A husky attacked her dog at the dog park,” Lauren says. “A little Yorkie. Broke its neck.” “That’s awful.” I don’t even have the heart to ask her if she cut the pills on the lines. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Pugs
Fear of Lightning
Yes! Especially if you’re a dog! Ordinarily, I’m very loving but I don’t put up with a lot of nonsense! — Lightning Read more →
Don’t Try to Be Funny at the Vet
I’m picking up a prescription for Lightning at the vet . . . the new girl, Lauren, is at the desk. “It’s a little different this time,” Lauren says. “We didn’t have the Prednisone 5mg, so we’re giving you Prednisone 10mg, and instead of giving him half a tablet, you’ll give him a quarter of a tablet. I already cut them.” “Oh gosh, thanks! Did you cut them on the lines?” Lauren is new so she hasn’t heard this one yet. “To the best of my ability.” “That’s good. Lightning doesn’t like it when they’re not cut on the lines.” She’s not getting the joke but that’s okay. I’ll help her out by taking it completely into the realm of the absurd. “He feels like it doesn’t show attention to detail,” I say. “I’ll make a note of that for next time.” “Yes, you should do that. Go ahead and… Read more →
I Am the Bath Day Messenger
My wife is preparing to give the dog a bath in the kitchen sink . . . I say, “Lightning says be sure to warm up the water before you start spraying him with it.” “I always do that.” “He says that in his experience, the water is sometimes too cold . . . I’m just telling you what he said. Don’t shoot the messenger.” Read more →
Spa Day at the Vet and Erica’s Departure
I dropped Lightning off at the vet for grooming . . . “Make it like a spa day for him,” I said. “With lots of pampering. Don’t just put him in the sink and soak him down like we do at home. Make it free pampering though, nothing that will cause extra charges to accrue. By the way, where’s Erica?” Erica is usually at the desk on weekends but today there was a new girl. The new girl, Lauren, said that Erica is moving to Arizona and won’t be working there anymore. “She will be greatly missed,” Lauren said. She sure will. People are insane when it comes to their pets and Erica was always extremely patient and attentive — extremely. I wish I had the kind of personality that makes people miss me when I go away but oh well . . . I guess I have other qualities.… Read more →
A Trip to the Vet
I’m picking up a prescription for Lightning at the vet. He takes 5mg/day of a steroid for his joints, half a tablet in the morning and half at night. The tablets are scored to make them easier to cut in half, but the vet staff uses a pill cutter, making cutting on the scoring actually a little more difficult because you have to line up each pill. It’s better to cut them on the scoring, because the pills are small and they can crumble if they’re cut across the scoring, but it’s more time-consuming. “Are the pills cut on the lines?” I ask the woman at the desk. “Lightning doesn’t like it when they’re not cut on the lines.” “He doesn’t like it?” she says. “He feels like it doesn’t show attention to detail.” Some of the women at our vet’s office have a sense of humor and some don’t.… Read more →
Lightning’s 6 Keys to Marital Bliss
Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! What does a dog know about marriage is what you are probably asking yourself. Well, I know about lighthearted enjoyment of life and overcoming negativity, and negativity is a big problem in human relationships. That is what I see. So here are my tips: Be positive and not negative. Remove all negativity. I have done this every day now for 10 years. You should start out and try for at least 30 days in a row. Show your partner every day that you love them and appreciate them. If your partner says or does something that you don’t understand, be curious about it and not judgmental. Make your partner feel completely safe around you. Have fun together. Be a predictable source of pleasure. — Lightning Read more →
We Named the Dog “Indiana”
Snakes. Why’d it Have to Be Snakes?
I Killed a Guy in Florida
Hi everybody! it’s me, Lightning! I knew I should have killed those two guys under the truck so there wouldn’t be any witnesses. HA HA! Kidding! I wasn’t even in Florida! — Lightning Read more →
Comedy Pug
Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I never have any leftovers when I eat but if I did, I would ask for a doggie bag. WHAAAAA–?! Thanks, I’ll be here all week! — Lightning Read more →
Animal Cruelty
Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I’m so mad! The guy behind us in the Starbucks drive-thru lane is taking pictures of himself and his dog but he’s not SHOWING the pictures to the dog! YOU HAVE TO SHOW THE PICTURES TO THE DOG! GRRRRRRR! — Lightning Read more →
A Lot on My Plate
Hi, everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I hear people say “I’ve got a lot on my plate” like it’s a bad thing. I LOVE to have a lot on my plate! We’re talking about food, right? — Lightning Read more →
Hot August Morning
It’s going to be another hot day! Not even 8 a.m. and I’m panting already! — Lightning Read more →
Things That Scare Other People’s Dogs Do Not Scare Our Dog
We went out to watch the city of Irvine fireworks show. Best use of our tax dollars since last year’s show! As we drove back to the house, I said, “I hope the fireworks didn’t scare Lightning.” He was asleep on his bed. He’s not scared of anything. Read more →
Dogged by Protesters
Obama dogged by protesters on bay visit — SFGate Dogged by protesters?! If he ever comes to Orange County, he’ll be PROTESTED BY DOGS! My owner pays so many taxes that there’s hardly any money left for pug treats! 🙁 — Lightning Read more →
This Is My House
Hi, everybody! Here’s a picture of me taking a nap on my porch. I know what you’re thinking: “Lightning, did you refinance to take advantage of the low interest rates?” HAHA . . . I OWN THIS PLACE FREE AND CLEAR! IT’S PAID OFF! — Lightning Read more →
Happy Mothers Day!
Hi Mom! It’s me, Lightning! Happy Mothers Day! Sometimes I wonder if you’re still alive. I know you could be, even though I’m almost 70 years old myself. Here’s a recent picture of me . . . I’m taking a lot of naps now that I’m older. Although come to think of it, I took a lot of naps when I was younger too! I can’t move my legs very well now — my back legs, mostly. They don’t hurt, but I can’t feel them very much and I can’t tell where they are. It’s funny that I used to be the fastest pug and now I’m the slowest. I remember you told me that dogs teach people about two things: Unconditional love, and Nothing lasts forever. Everything ends so don’t take anything for granted, even for one day. If you don’t hear from me next Mothers Day, it’s not… Read more →
A Waiting Game
Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I hate to admit it but I’m getting old. My mind is still sharp and I’m still handsome but I can’t move my legs very well anymore. I feel like pretty soon I won’t be able to move them at all and when that happens . . . My owner promised to take care of me all the way so I’m not scared. He tells me he loves me. He never used to tell me that but I knew anyway. He asked his wife the other day if it’s okay to say “Love you” to a dog. “It feels a little silly,” he said, “but maybe he understands it.” I think he knows that our time together is almost over . . . Read more →
Thirsty Pug
It was hot here this week — in the 90s — so when my owner got home and gave me fresh water I was really thirsty! — Lightning Read more →