EppsNet Archive: Robbery

Woke White Boy on Smash-and-Grab Robberies

 

2 suspects tied to organized retail theft crew arrested in Redondo Beach as police see more thefts at the Galleria — ktla.com Good! Police gotta crack down on these smash-and-grab robberies. Just one more sign of the wave of white supremacist violence sweeping the country. The suspects’ names are Malik Trevon Oaks and Jamol ClaytonPhillips. Wait — what?! Fuckin racist cops . . . — WWB Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: On the Removal of My Statue From New York City Hall

 

My fellow Americans – On Monday, the New York City Public Design Commission unanimously voted to remove a statue of me from New York City Hall. The statue has been there for nearly a century and was originally created to celebrate religious liberty. The City Council’s black, Latino, and Asian caucus said that the statue “symbolizes the disgusting and racist basis on which America was founded.” May I make a humble request? I’d like my statue to be replaced by a statue of George Floyd robbing a pregnant woman. Pillars of social justice like Floyd are the types of people we should be honoring, not slave owners like myself or George Washington, who never did anything for anyone. Read more →

I’m Going to Start Robbing Banks

 

Why do you rob banks? Because that’s where the money is. — Willie Sutton (probably apocryphal) I’m going to start sticking up banks. Not long ago, if you walked into a bank wearing a mask over your face, someone would immediately reach for an alarm or a gun. Now it’s required. I could walk in and clean out the teller before anyone suspects a thing. I think I’ll hone my craft first by knocking off a few gas stations and convenience stores. “Can you describe the suspect?” “I can’t, officer. He was wearing a mask.” Read more →