In the desert, an old monk once advised a traveler, the voices of God and the Devil are scarcely distinguishable.
Notes from the Golden Orange
EppsNet Archive: Satan
We don’t have 72 virgins down here, so I presented him with 72 vegans.
He’s not happy. HAAAHAHAHA!
IT’S GOOD TO BE SATAN!
My co-author Paul Epps, one of his colleagues at the office thinks the Osama bin Laden death was a hoax.
This same fool believes that the new electric meter at his house is giving him brain cancer based on no evidence at all, but when the president of the United States says bin Laden is dead, he’s like Where are the pictures?!
HAAAHAHAHA! People are so gullible — thank God! HAHA! I said thank God, get it? I’m Satan!
But seriously, I just want to reassure you idiots that Osama is really here. It’s a tough adjustment for him. Some people know damn well ahead of time that they’re going to hell, so it’s an easier transition.
But Osama! Oh man was he surprised to see me! I wish you could have seen the look on his face! HAHA! What a Kodak moment! Gosh, I’m really dating myself with that Kodak reference . . .
By the way, how about those NBA playoffs? A lot of upsets going on, right?
My favorite team is the Miami Heat. I love the Heat! HAAAHAHAHA!
That’s the other thing Osama’s having trouble getting used to. You might think, well, he lived in a desert, he’s used to heat. No. It’s not the same — AT ALL! You’ll see what I mean when you get here.
So to summarize: Osama’s really dead and GO HEAT!
One of the things Ted Kennedy and I have in common is that we both love Chappaquiddick jokes. Ed Klein, a Kennedy friend and biographer, was on the radio the other day and said:
I don’t know if you know this or not, but one of his favorite topics of humor was indeed Chappaquiddick itself. And he would ask people, “Have you heard any new jokes about Chappaquiddick?” That is just the most amazing thing. It’s not that he didn’t feel remorse about the death of Mary Jo Kopechne, but that he still always saw the other side of everything and the ridiculous side of things, too.
HAAAHAHAHA! I hope you like heat, Teddy! I look forward to swapping jokes with you in Hell. Have you heard this one?
Q. What do you call 200 Kennedy sycophants at the bottom of a Chappaquiddick pond?
A. A great start, but bad news for NPR guest-bookers!
LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!