My friend G.L. Hoffman sent this to me: I just want to add that I knocked my wife up on the first try, in case any of my neighbors are reading this . . . Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Sex
Two Bright Spots in the Recessionary Landscape
Fewer kids in day care More women in porno Read more →
User Surveys on the Web
Look me in the eye Then tell me that I’m satisfied Hey, are you satisfied? — The Replacements, “Unsatisfied” What is a reasonable target for user satisfaction with a web site? We did a user satisfaction survey last year and found that 14 percent of respondents felt that our web site didn’t measure up to their expectations. This year, we have an incentive goal of reducing that number to 8 percent, not based on evidence that any web site has ever achieved a number that low, but based on the opinion of the company that did the survey that anything over a 10 percent dissatisfaction rating is always bad. Or to flip it around, we’re trying to achieve a 92 percent approval rating. I wish we hadn’t set the bar quite that high. I don’t want to be a pessimist but not only is that considerably higher than, say, Google… Read more →
Danica’s Speeding Ticket
SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Danica Patrick paid a $196 fine to settle a speeding ticket after the star racecar driver was caught going 54 mph in a 35-mph zone last month. — ESPN.com Was she in a hurry to obtain oral sex? Because that would be hot . . . Read more →
The Renaissance Man
I’m looking at these last few posts where I’ve strung together W.H. Auden, John Dewey, Meat Loaf and Franz Kafka, not with any sense of purpose, just things I’ve read or listened to on my winter break. What a renaissance man I am! Why, if you were here, we could talk about poetry, education, philosophy, sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll, existentialism . . . and we’d have a good time too, considering we’re all going to die . . . Read more →
Wife “Accidentally” Shot During Sex
SPRINGFIELD, Ohio — A Tri-State woman is in critical condition Wednesday after police say her husband shot her while they were having sex. — “Man Says Wife Was Accidentally Shot During Sex”, WLWT Cincinnati After you’ve been married for a while, you have to try new things in the bedroom to keep it interesting . . . Read more →
The Lost Art of the Hickey
One of my co-workers came to the office today with an obvious hickey between her neck and shoulder, but she thought I was juvenile for noticing it. “How old are you again?” she asked. “Old enough to remember hickeys obviously.” “Don’t you mean ‘Not too old to have forgotten hickeys’? You think young people don’t know what hickeys are?” Maybe I should have said, “Old enough to remember when hickeys were a standard element of the teenage repertoire.” But actually, I don’t think kids know what hickeys are. I haven’t even heard the word “hickey” in years. I think hickeys, like plaid pants, are a relic of a bygone era. Girls are much more forward now, if the messages in my son’s yearbooks are any indication. If girls are offering oral sex in junior high school, what are you going to say? “Can I give you a hickey first”? P.S.… Read more →
Father-Son Conversations
FATHER: Would you take out the trash please? SON: Are you KIDDING?! I’m doing homework! I’ll take out the trash if you read To Kill a Mockingbird and tell me what each chapter is about. FATHER: I’ve read To Kill a Mockingbird. You want to know what it’s about? ‘Racism is Bad.’ Now take out the garbage. SON: Mom said my dinner was going to be ready by now and she hasn’t even started cooking it yet. FATHER: You’re a big boy. Why don’t you make something yourself? SON: I’m really not happy with the service I’m receiving here. SON: So was Mom pretty horny when you first met her? FATHER: Oh Jesus . . . Read more →
Access Denied, Dork
It’s interesting how many HTTP 4xx return codes could be used in response to a request for intimate access to a woman: 401 Unauthorized 402 Payment Required 403 Forbidden 405 Method Not Allowed 411 Length Required 413 Request Entity Too Large 417 Expectation Failed Read more →
How I Met Your Mother
From Michelle “There is no safety net for anybody” Obama’s DNC speech: You know, what struck me when I first met Barack was that even though he had this funny name, even though he’d grown up all the way across the continent in Hawaii, his family was so much like mine. He was raised by grandparents who were working class folks just like my parents, and by a single mother who struggled to pay the bills just like we did. Well . . . if you take all that at face value — and why wouldn’t you? — it only goes to show how shallow I am, because what struck me when I first met my wife was what a nice ass she had. Hubba hubba! Read more →
Ashley Harkleroad Nude!
The Ashley Harkleroad Playboy photos, while tastefully done by modern standards, are more daring (think pubic hair) than the recent Amanda Beard Playboy photos, which were so tastefully done they were actually boring . . . Read more →
Sex in Space
Outer-space sex carries complications — msnbc.com Hey NASA, I’m no aeronautical engineer but what I’d do is to tether the woman to a stationary object so she can’t move, just like I do here on Earth. Uh . . . with her consent, of course . . . Read more →
Obvious
Headline from OCFamily.com: TEEN PREGNANCY: What Parents Can Do to Prevent It Don’t have sex with teenagers? Read more →
CFNM
I like to think I’m up to speed on my acronyms, abbreviations and fetishes, but CFNM is a new one on me. No, I’m not going to hyperlink it — this is a family-oriented website — but go ahead and Google it if you want to . . . Read more →
Overheard
A male and female co-worker are bickering, as they often do. An onlooker says, “You two are like a married couple . . . but without the sex and everything.” Read more →
Why Asian Girls Like White Guys II
As in the previous example, these photos are from the same photoset on Flickr: What could be worse than being an Asian woman in Asia and having to surrender your mystical Oriental hotness to Asian men? In no other race — white, black, Hispanic — are the women so much better-looking than the men. Now you might say: What about Indian or Middle Eastern men? Aren’t they uglier than Asian men? Possibly — but my point is that their women are incredibly ugly as well, so it’s a good match. My wife’s cousin, also an Asian girl, agrees with my theory, but adds something I hadn’t thought of: Asian guys are also boring, she says, because they’re all the same. They all have the same story, same parents, same college major (engineering or business), same, same, same . . . Read more →
Rose Bowl Update
John David Booty’s 391 passing yards was the highest total ever for a USC quarterback in a bowl game. The USC song girl buttocks investigation has apparently been resolved. Read more →
Girls Talk
Connecting through talking activates the pleasure centers in a girl’s brain. We’re not talking about a small amount of pleasure. This is huge. It’s a major dopamine and oxytocin rush, which is the biggest, fattest neurological reward you can get outside of an orgasm. — Louann Brizendine, M.D., The Female Brain According to Brizendine, thoughts about sex enter women’s brains once every couple of days; for men, thoughts about sex occur every minute. Both numbers sound low to me. Sexy sexy sex sex sex . . . (sorry, thinking out loud) . . . Read more →
I Guess You’ll Do
Let’s begin this typical courtship process, shall we? Read more →
Why Asian Girls Like White Guys
These are from the same photo set on Flickr, taken at a local beach here in Orange County: Any questions? See Also: Why Asian Girls Like White Guys II Read more →