EppsNet

Hitting the snooze button, hugging the pillow and fantasizing about staying in bed all day — better than s-e-x?

HER: You don’t sleep enough. You need to go to bed earlier. You know what’s the secret to my youthful appearance?

HIM: Telling people what to do every minute?

I’ve been having nightmares the last week or so.

Last night I was stabbed to death by a maniac on a motorcycle.

The night before I was a zombie terrorizing an Old West elementary school . . .

Up late last night, up early this morning . . . my wife and I take Lightning to the dog beach. We get home a little after 10 . . .

Nap time!

When I wake up and look at the (analog) clock over the fireplace, it’s already 3 p.m. My god, I’ve slept the whole day away!

No, wait . . . the big hand is on the 3 and the little hand is on the 12. It’s only 12:15!

Back to sleep . . .

On weekends, I’m the king of the sofa at my house. Let me tell you, there’s lazy, and then there’s Sofa King lazy, and I’m the latter.

I nap in one of two positions: facing the front of the sofa or on my back.

Lately I’ve been thinking about adding a new weapon to my arsenal — the Bumstead Maneuver, as popularized by Dagwood Bumstead.

You can see from the illustration that Bumstead is actually taking a nap facing the back of the sofa!

Blogging experts recommend posing a question in your posts, in order to artificially engage the readership, so here goes . . .

Does anyone have any thoughts, pro or con, on adding the Bumstead Maneuver to my repertoire?

I’m definitely not a morning person. I used to be a night person, but now I’m more of a nothing person. There’s no hour of the day or night that I wouldn’t rather close my eyes and sleep . . . and sleep . . .

I didn’t get much sleep last night. This morning, I had a 32-ounce iced coffee on an empty stomach.

I’m fishtailing between nausea and euphoria . . .