EppsNet Archive: Tennis

Bye, Serena


Please please please let Serena Williams retire from tennis. Never cared for her at all. She’s a sore loser, ungracious . . . best example of this, go back and watch the 2018 US Open final where Naomi Osaka beats Serena’s ass, during which Serena’s conduct is so appalling that Osaka, rather than being able to jubilantly celebrate her first major title, ends the match sitting in a sideline chair crying with a towel over her head. Remember the time Serena verbally assaulted a linesperson (an older Asian woman, if I remember right) by threatening to “shove this fucking tennis ball down your throat”? Or watch any press conference after she lost a match. It’s all excuses, alibis, justifications. If she ever in her life said the other player played better than she did, I can’t remember hearing it. Contrast this with top male players — Nadal, Djokovic, Federer —… Read more →

One Thing I Can’t Tolerate is Intolerance: Margaret Court Edition


Margaret Court is being vilified and stigmatized this week — “racist,” “homophobe,” ‘blood on her hands,” name should be taken off the Australian Open arena, etc. — because she opposes gay marriage and homosexuality in general. If you want to position yourself as a champion of inclusion, diversity, respect, tolerance, you’ve got to extend those things to other people as well, and not just people who see the world exactly like you do. You want tolerance and respect for sexual preferences? What about religious preferences? Margaret Court is a Christian pastor. A lot of people believe that God frowns on homosexuality. I don’t believe that myself but it’s not a weird fringe opinion. Yes, Margaret Court introduced Satan and Nazis and Communists into the conversation, but Margaret Court isn’t presenting herself as an advocate of inclusion and tolerance. She’s saying this is right and that is wrong. You can’t position… Read more →

Replacement Refs Are Just What the Sport Needs


I hope the NFL keeps replacement refs around forever. I hope they bring in a new batch of them every season. I hope they bring in replacement refs for the replacement refs. Why do people think the “real” refs are actually good? Was last night’s Seattle-Green Bay game really worse than the “Tuck Rule”? Was it worse than 2006 when the “real” refs cost the Seahawks the Super Bowl? Sports fans are the biggest cretins on the planet. When their team wins, they gloat, usually in the first person: We won! We beat those guys! There are no bigger mental and emotional retards than people who refer to sports teams in the first person. It’s an inability to separate fantasy from reality. (Imagine a Roger Federer fan screaming, “I just won Wimbledon!” When ther team loses, they blame it on one of two things: 1) Bad coaching; 2) Bad officiating.… Read more →

Quote of the Day


You frogs can kiss my . . . how do you say “big black ass” in French? — Serena Williams Read more →

Twitter: 2010-05-26


USC men's tennis wins NCAA championship!: http://goo.gl/UjM9 # Read more →

Twitter: 2009-07-05


RT @sportsguy33: The 4th of July is like one super-slow home run trot as the English stare us down from the mound. Suck it, England! # RT @presentationzen: A pie chart of procrastination http://post.ly/16VO # When the only tool you have is a suicide bomb, every problem looks like a jihad — Best of the Web Today # What a match! Unbelievable… # Why didn't God send the swine flu to the Atheist Kids camp? http://bit.ly/EQtfE # Read more →

Trojans Are National Champions!


USC wins its 17th national championship in men’s tennis. FIGHT ON! Read more →

I Think He Means Smart-Alecky in a Good Way


My son’s tennis teacher asks me where the boy gets his “smart-alecky” personality — from me or my wife? “Well,” I say, “if by ‘smart-alecky’ you mean ‘funny,’ he gets it from me. If you mean ‘argues for the sake of arguing,’ he gets that from his mom.” Read more →

Brush with Greatness


I saw Lindsay Davenport yesterday at Borders in South Coast Plaza. She was sitting in the cafe area talking with another woman when I walked past. I had to double back to make sure it was really her. I expect famous people to be larger than life, and Lindsay Davenport is a big girl anyway, so I’m thinking that she should be gigantic, which she wasn’t. But I walked past a second time and it was definitely her . . . Read more →

Tennis Parents Can Blow Me


My kid plays Team Tennis here in Irvine . . . on Saturdays, they play other teams from around Orange County. Tennis parents are obsessive, just like hockey parents. The difference is that hockey parents can scream at the kids, refs, coaches, other parents, passers-by, etc., during the games, whereas tennis etiquette requires parents to stay quiet during the matches and berate the kids afterwards. My son’s team played the Balboa Bay Racquet Club team this past weekend. One of the smug tennis dads on our team showed up wearing a backpack with his own racket in it. Now why would he do that? He’s obviously not going to play tennis with it because it’s a kids’ event, so he just wanted everyone to know yeah, I’m a tennis player myself, my son is a tennis player because I’m a tennis player, blah blah blah . . . My lifetime… Read more →

The Difference Between Golfers and Tennis Players


I was watching the French Open on TV this weekend, and I noticed that all the ads were for investment companies. I’ve noticed when watching golf tournaments that all the ads are for erectile dysfunction drugs. Draw your own conclusions. Read more →

High Noon


“I can’t believe people are playing tennis at high noon,” my son says as we drive by the local courts. “They’re building up their stamina,” I suggest. “They’re getting skin cancer,” he replies. “They’ll need stamina to battle the skin cancer.” Read more →

USC Alumni Notes


Trojans win 16th NCAA men’s tennis championship. Mark Prior strikes out 10 in major league debut with Cubs. Chandra Levy found. Read more →