EppsNet Archive: Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson on the General Welfare Clause

[Thomas Jefferson] then considered the general phrase of the Constitution that identified the purpose of the taxing power as “to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States.” Congress, he said, was to levy taxes only for these purposes, not for any purpose they pleased. “In like manner they are not to… Read more →

Pleonasm of the Day: Offended Muslims

ple·o·nasm, noun the use of more words than are necessary to express an idea; redundancy. an instance of this, as free gift or true fact. My fellow Americans — U.S. embassies in Egypt, Libya and Yemen have been attacked by Muslims offended by a YouTube video. “Offended Muslims” — there’s a pleonasm for you! The embassy in Egypt, hoping to… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on “You Didn’t Build That”

Almost everything appertaining to the circumstances of a nation, has been absorbed and confounded under the general and mysterious word government. Though it avoids taking to its account the errors it commits, and the mischiefs it occasions, it fails not to arrogate to itself whatever has the appearance of prosperity. It robs industry of its honours, by pedantically making itself… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on Weinergate

Rep. Weiner of New York — one of the 13 original colonies — has been sending photos of his penis to women in Texas, Washington and other points west. When I was president, Texas and Washington weren’t even part of the country, and if I wanted to show a woman my dick, she had to be right there in the… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on Christine O’Donnell

For all of you pussies out there making fun of her, just know that I would bang her, and if I would bang her, then she’s hot. Read more →

You Don’t Say

WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama told voters repeatedly during the health care debate that the overhaul legislation would bring down fast-rising health care costs and save them money. Now, he’s hemming and hawing on that. — Health care politics run into economic reality – msnbc.com Could not have seen that coming! Read more →

Don’t Send a Community Organizer to Do a President’s Job

My fellow Americans — I’m angry. Not just because the southern coastline of our nation — including Louisiana, which I purchased from Napoleon in the sweetest deal of 1803 — is being destroyed. Read these pathetic remarks from our president, Barack Obama: The president also implied that anti-big government types such as tea party activists were being hypocritical on the… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on the Oil Spill

I do not believe that the federal government should have a central and powerful place in American life. I believe in freedom and self-reliance. Some people, like President Obama, disagree with me. He believes you should part company with your freedom and your money for the privilege of having the government take care of you — wipe your collective backsides,… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on the Health Care Bill

Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny. — TJ My fellow Americans — This is a glorious day in our great nation! No, I’m not referring to that tragedy of a health care bill, which I’ll get to in a moment.… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on Freedom

We’re not interested in government fixes, we’re interested in freedom. — Sarah Palin My fellow Americans — This Palin woman stimulates me on multiple levels. She’s absolutely right in what she says. Let’s go back to first principles. We founded this country as “the land of the free and the home of the brave,” not as a goddamn hippie commune… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on Obama’s Healthcare Speech

My fellow Americans — Perhaps it was unfair of me to be critical of President Obama’s healthcare speech without having heard it. There’s not much to do on a Saturday night when you’re dead, so I read the transcript: We’ve estimated that most of this plan can be paid for by finding savings within the existing health care system, a… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on Healthcare Reform

My fellow Americans — Did you watch President Obama’s healthcare speech tonight? Neither did I. But I did learn from msnbc.com’s First Read that he hoped in his speech to explain to ordinary American voters — “call them Joe and Jane from Kansas City” — that his health-care reform will 1) cover nearly everyone and 2) cut costs in the… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on Edward M. Kennedy, 1932-2009

I’ve never understood what was so great about this guy. He was immature, a drunk and a womanizer. In 1979, he couldn’t answer a softball question about why he wanted to be president and didn’t even make it out of the primaries. The best thing I can say about him is that he got things done. He had an undeniably… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson Wishes You a Happy Fourth

My fellow Americans — Happy Independence Day to all of you! Please take a few minutes on this day to look at a wonderful history lesson — about me! — by Maira Kalman, in which you’ll learn, among other things, that I actually wrote the Declaration of Independence! Thanks, Tom Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: A Birthday Gift

My fellow Americans — Did you know that I was born on this date in 1743? Probably you didn’t because nobody makes a big deal about it like Washington’s birthday or Lincoln’s. That used to really bother me but I’m okay with it now. Anyway — it’s MY birthday but YOU get the gift. Point your browser at the Guess… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on the Financial Meltdown

ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — If anyone could emerge from the AIG bonus debacle looking good, it could be New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo. — “NY’s Cuomo wins praise for pursuing AIG on bailout” Cuomo. KWOH-moh. Italian, I suppose. I have no personal animosity toward Mr. Cuomo, but despite his favorable write-ups in the press, he is certainly no hero… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson: Obama Not Up to the Task?

Obama still has the approval of the people, but the establishment is beginning to mumble that the president may not have what it takes. — Newsweek.com Gee — do you really think so? What was your first clue? The loud noise of nest eggs being crushed all over America every time he opens his mouth? President of the United States… Read more →

The Chicago Tea Party

This is America! How many of you people want to pay for your neighbor’s mortgage? President Obama are you listening? How about we all stop paying our mortgage! — Rick Santelli (video), CNBC Chicago I’m rolling over in my grave, as the gentleman from Chicago has already noted. Count me in for the Chicago Tea Party! A little revolution now… Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on the Stimulus Package

The situation could not be more serious. It is inexcusable and irresponsible for any of us to get bogged down in distraction, delay or politics as usual while millions of Americans are being put out of work. Now is the time for Congress to act. — Barack Obama Bah-loney. The American economy will bounce back as it always has, as… Read more →

Why Spending Stimulus Plans Fail

Congress doesn’t have its own stash [of money]. Every dollar it injects into the economy must first be taxed or borrowed out of the economy. No new spending power is created. It’s merely redistributed from one group of people to another. — Brian Reidl, The Wall Street Journal As you probably learned in school, we founded this country as a… Read more →

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