My son’s looking forward to February when his braces come off . . .
“Throw some Crest whitening strips on there and the sky’s the limit as far as girlfriends are concerned,” he says.
“Girls are a distraction right now,” his mom says. “You need to focus on academics.”
“Mom’s right,” I say. “Having a wife or a girlfriend is like taking a 5-year-old to the mall. You can’t go as fast as you want to because the 5-year-old can’t keep up the pace. And you’re not going to be able to accomplish the things you want to accomplish . . .”
“Don’t give the boy a bad attitude,” she says.
“. . . because the 5-year-old is . . .”
“Whatever you’re going to say . . .”
“. . . monopolizing your attention . . .”
“. . . don’t say it.”
“. . . with her juvenile behavior.”