107-2 — Bloomington South girls basketball team beats Arlington — ESPN

They gave up two points?! Who’s coaching the defense, Mike D’Antoni?

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan -- PE]

Yahoo confirmed Monday that CEO Marissa Mayer gave birth to a boy on Sunday night, only about three months after taking the helm at the struggling company.

The 37-year-old Mayer will work from home and continues to lead the company and “is involved in all critical decisions [sic] making,” a Yahoo spokeswoman told Reuters on Monday.

“She will be working remotely and is planning to return to the office as soon as possible (likely in 1-2 weeks),” Yahoo said in an emailed comment to the news agency.

— NBCNews.com

I applaud young Marissa Mayer for this courageous decision!

She is a role model for all the little girls out there who want to grow up and neglect their children.

Working moms, my precious darlings –

Don’t let anyone tell you that a woman is a better mom if she’s actually home with her kids.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t have it all. You can have it all. Everyone else is doing it. Don’t be left out!

Kids don’t need a lot of attention. They basically raise themselves!

We have a double standard in our society: If you are poor and you abandon your kids you are a bad parent. But if you are rich and you abandon them to run a company, you are profiled in Fortune magazine.

– Penelope Trunk

God bless America! Your children are being raised by strangers and nobody cares.

See you all in Hell!

I keep hearing that there aren’t enough women in technology, like this is a problem. The most obvious explanation is that women don’t want to work in technology. If they want to work in other fields, fine. If they want to raise their kids, even better.

I did some tutoring for a girl taking AP Computer Science. She’s a junior in high school and wants to be a veterinarian. Afterwards, she told her dad, “If I decide not to be a veterinarian, maybe I’ll be a programmer.”

Don’t let it be said that I’m not doing my part to address the shortage of women in technology, even though I think it’s baloney . . .

Thus spoke The Programmer.

The Irvine high schools — Northwood and University — have prom tonight. Our boy goes to Northwood but he’s attending the Uni prom with a girl from that fine institution.

I met her. She seems nice. She’s going to Stanford in the fall. Our boy is going to Cal. Opposites attract.

Today is also the girl’s birthday, so the boy is paying for dinner.

“Did you see a birth certificate or a drivers license verifying that today is really her birthday?” I ask him. “Not to suggest that women are looking to take advantage of a man if he lets his guard down, but did you see the birth certificate or drivers license?”

Woodbridge and Irvine High — the weak links in the Irvine chain of education — may have prom tonight too, I don’t know. Nobody cares about those schools.

It’s a good thing women aren’t married off young by their fathers anymore, or else we’d have a real homeless cat problem on our hands.

— Shelby Fero

If you’re not seeing the video here, you can watch it on Atom.com.

There are three things you need to be careful about: drugs, alcohol and girls. Especially girls.

I have so many things I could say to my own son about girls but after preparing my whole speech I realized it all boiled down to two main points:

1. Don’t be stupid.
2. Manage your own time.

Let me say a few words about the second point.

Anyone who cares about you will want you to follow your dreams, follow your goals. Any girl who objects to the time you put in to do that because it takes away from the time you spend with her, stay away from her. HUGE red flag.

The first point is explained in this video:

If you’re not seeing the video, you can watch it on YouTube.

• RT @capricecrane: "Twitter" was the most used word of 2009. Numbers two and three were "I'm" and "broke." #
• RT @Aimee_B_Loved: Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines. #
• RT @FakeAPStylebook: Use "can of whup-ass" only, as whup-ass is not sold in jars, squeeze tubes or resealable bags. #
• RT @RogervonOech: Never state a problem to yourself in the same terms as it was brought to you. [More at:]
  http://j.mp/cthirsh #
• RT @HarvardBiz: Government Health Care: Like the Postal Service? http://bit.ly/4IzozI #
• RT @capricecrane: I don't know how your car got dented. Maybe it's God saying you shouldn't have cut me off for that parking space. Or me. #
• RT @diablocody: Eating a gingerbread house for breakfast. A new low. #
• RT @capricecrane: According to Billboard: "Nickelback: 'Band of the decade.'" That's all. Enjoy the apocalypse. #
• RT @TheOnion: "Why do all the girls I like think of me as just a friend? And why isn't there a term to describe that relationship?" -Plato #

Tiger Woods and Chris Henry are just the latest examples.

“Your role model,” I say to my son, “should be that guy in the Miller Lite commercial who saves his beer and lets his girlfriend drop off a cliff.”

My son’s a junior in high school now . . . tonight he went to a school homecoming dance instead of watching the USC-Cal game with his dad.

Sing it with me:

The cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon . . .

This morning he went with his mom to buy a dress shirt and a tie. When they’d narrowed the choice down to two ties, he took a photo of them with his phone and sent them to the girl to see which one would go better with her dress . . .

• Party host is serving 7&7s. I drink two. Nothing. "Make the next one a double." Nothing. Worst drink ever. #
• @penelopetrunk oh that is not true. see http://kicklikeagirlmovie.com in reply to penelopetrunk #

I’d just finished reading another tiresome “why oh why aren’t there more women in IT?” article when I found a former colleague on LinkedIn . . . he lists his job title as “Analyst, Software Quality Assurnace.”

Would you hire him as a QA guy? I wouldn’t, and that’s even before I saw how he misspelled “Assurance.”

The IT “profession” is chock full of idiots like this. Why anyone thinks women are missing out on something if they don’t work in IT is a total mystery.

If I had a daughter, I would tell her to be a meeting planner or a flight attendant . . .

Thus spoke The Programmer.

My son’s looking forward to February when his braces come off . . .

“Throw some Crest whitening strips on there and the sky’s the limit as far as girlfriends are concerned,” he says.

“Girls are a distraction right now,” his mom says. “You need to focus on academics.”

“Mom’s right,” I say. “Having a wife or a girlfriend is like taking a 5-year-old to the mall. You can’t go as fast as you want to because the 5-year-old can’t keep up the pace. And you’re not going to be able to accomplish the things you want to accomplish . . .”

“Don’t give the boy a bad attitude,” she says.

“. . . because the 5-year-old is . . .”

“Whatever you’re going to say . . .”

“. . . monopolizing your attention . . .”

“. . . don’t say it.”

“. . . with her juvenile behavior.”

I suppose there’s a part of me that still wants the girl in the fishbowl sunglasses and Ramones T-shirt she got from an eBay vendor to invite me to a roof-deck party where a DJ is remixing music that I never heard originally, if for no other reason than it would somehow signify that the faint bags I’m beginning to notice under my eyes even after a good night’s sleep are imaginary. But they aren’t.

— Jason Roeder

From the front page of the Los Angeles Times 70 years ago today, Jan. 26, 1938:

Wives of Spanking Husbands
Form Girls’ Auxiliary to Club

SIOUX FALLS (S. D.) Jan. 25 (AP) — Wives of Spanking Husbands’ Club, organized in Sioux City, Iowa, and parent organization of fifty-nine such clubs throughout the nation according to its own figures–reached out for another slice of territory today.

The Iowa housewives who consider it a mark of esteem for their husbands to wield a disciplinary hairbrush once in a while, announced plans today for a junior auxiliary–Daughters of Spanking Parents.

ELIGIBLE GIRLS

A letter received here from Sioux City and signed “Rita Rae, general delivery,” told of plans for the new organization for which she claimed an initial membership of seventeen. Any girl above the age of 11 years is eligible to join, Mrs. Rae wrote.

“We think all parents should spank their daughters when they don’t behave,” Mrs. Rae wrote. “Some girls won’t admit it, but the really know it is better to get spanked than scolded and nagged. Spanking creates a better understanding between parents and daughters.”

MERELY SPANKED

Mrs. Rae is the president of the Wives of Spanking Husbands, which was organized last June 26 under the broad-minded slogan “Spare the hairbrush and spoil the wife.”

“Our husbands don’t beat us,” the Sioux City woman was careful to explain. “They just turn us over their knees and give us a good sound spanking.”

As in the previous example, these photos are from the same photoset on Flickr:

What could be worse than being an Asian woman in Asia and having to surrender your mystical Oriental hotness to Asian men? In no other race — white, black, Hispanic — are the women so much better-looking than the men.

Now you might say: What about Indian or Middle Eastern men? Aren’t they uglier than Asian men?

Possibly — but my point is that their women are incredibly ugly as well, so it’s a good match.

My wife’s cousin, also an Asian girl, agrees with my theory, but adds something I hadn’t thought of: Asian guys are boring, she says, because they’re all the same. They all have the same story, same parents, same college major (engineering or business), same, same, same . . .

• John David Booty’s 391 passing yards was the highest total ever for a USC quarterback in a bowl game.

• The USC song girl buttocks investigation has apparently been resolved.

A friend of mine’s 13-year-old daughter will be appearing as an extra in an episode of My Name is Earl airing in a couple of months.

I told my son, also 13, he should try to hook up with her before she gets too famous and the competiton heats up. He just made throat-cutting gestures and gagging noises, as he always does when the subject of the ladies comes up.

Naturally, she’ll dump him as soon as she hits the big time, but that’s okay . . . I’ve got to believe that all these starlets put a lot more into pleasing their boyfriends before they were famous than they do now that a guy is lucky just to be with them in the first place . . .